who up breaking out their acne

Currently stressing at work as I can’t open discord properly but apparently something has happened on my server in relation to the vent post I made yesterday and I the server owner am in the dark about everything but one screenshot from an anonymous member and an ominous text from a friend

Wtf can I do, I need to get back to my shift in 3 minutes, I can’t get any proper reception on my phone

Apologies to anyone in my server for what might have happened

One of my mods/admins has said they’d deal with the mess but I can’t see what the mess is and can’t contact them to see what it is :(

My major stressors:

1. My stomach pains remain a big stressor for me. I get them far too often, and I’ve been getting them since June of 2025. I think the stomach pains began with stress, but now it may also be legislate dysfunction in my stomach, caused in large part by me not being able to regulate the sensitivity I feel and the sore pains that wrack my body via the stomach sometimes. Because it really does hurt when I’m stressed enough. It can begin to feel like a stabbing pain, and it just really freaking hurts to deal with it.

There’s also the hemorrhoids, which aren’t bleeding as much nowadays (but which I’m still really nervous about). There’s a lot of factors tied in to this stomach stuff, and it sucks to deal with it all. But if stomach dysfunction or deregulation is a thing, I feel confident saying that’s what my problem is. Because it certainly feels like it could be something like that.

1. My congestion remains a thing of great difficulty for me. The phlegm is almost always there, and I still struggle with clearing it out. The nose is runny a lot too, and I seem to get a popping ear a good amount of the time. There’s a lot of different factors to my congestion problems, but they’re a pretty major problem for me too. If only because I keep trying to force the phelgm out of me, and it never works the way I want it to. I’ve had the congestion for gods knows how long now, and it never goes away. It’s super bothersome.
2. My fear of the future is an incredibly broad topic, but it’s the topic which holds the most weight for me. It was a topic I could avoid thinking too much about while I still had High School to use as my bedrock for stability, but I’ve now lost that. And without it, I feel sort of lost in the confusion maelstrom that is thinking about my future. I don’t have any plans, I still don’t have a lot of friendships or independence. I don’t know to do once College ends. I don’t really know what to do about anything, and this fear of the future is a linchpin connected to so, so many of my problems.
3. This isn’t as major as the others, but I do have heartburn a lot nowadays. I don’t know why I do, but I do. I wonder if some of it is tied to me trying to force stuff out of my throat constantly. But I can’t prove that, so I guess we can take it with a grain of salt. But yeah, the heartburn feels pretty consistent. And it still bothers me a lot.

Medium Stressors:

1. I have a bad money. If I ever get an opportunity to think about money, I get myself all worked up. It’s largely because I’m constantly paranoid I’ll use all of it on frivolous expenditures. Because you need money to survive in this world, I don’t feel safe ever using money to pay for things. I have to be told by my dad that I’m not going to destroy our budget whenever I want something. Because if I start overthinking the concept of money, I will immediately get scared for my future.
2. I don’t have any friends besides my dad, and I’m very dependent on my dad. Sometimes I get lost thinking about the future, and I don’t know what’ll happen if I end up without my dad. So yeah, this one kind of stresses me out sometimes.
3. I’ve been trying to work on my independence. I’ve tried brushing my teeth on my own a good bit lately. I’m still not doing it as much as I could be doing it, though. And I don’t always feel like I’m brushing that well. Also, I feel like I still have so much independence stuff to work on. It’s a lot for me.
4. Next week, I think me and my dad are expected to go to Port Stanley. I’m still kind of open to it, but I’m still also kind of nervous about all of it. It’s pretty nerve wracking for me. I don’t technically know if it’s next week or the week after next or whatever, but it’s happening very soon.
5. I’ve been more emotional lately, I think. I don’t know if that counts towards anything, but I’ve been able to cry more often nowadays. I cried a bit on my birthday, and that kicked everything up. I don’t cry a lot. I don’t cry too often. But I do it more often than I used to. So that probably means something.

Minor Stressors:

1. I still haven’t worked on trying to read physical books at home or in any sort of non school environment. I last read a physical book in June 2025, and I know that’s probably not great. But I keep feeling I have bigger problems, so I put it off and put it off some more.
2. I overthink things a lot, and that’s something I really struggle to control. It’s both its own independent problem and something that makes all my other problems that much worse.
3. I’m worried I’ll break our old recliner. I know we have the new one, but I still have an emotional attachment to the old one.
4. I’m worried my bed is getting too small for me, and we’ll have to replace it. See my notes about the recliner, it’s much the same for the bed.
5. Our toilet downstairs is getting plugged a lot lately. We have to fix that soon, probably.
6. Our living room floor boards are starting to come up from the floor, so we also need to replace those.
7. I use headphones occasionally when in my bedroom, and I overthink it because I’m used to not using them in my bedroom years ago. Or something like that. It’s hard to explain, but I do feel bad whenever I use the headphones in my bedroom.
8. My dad’s work is gonna take me off his benefits, and I really don’t like that. My dad now has to pay for benefits out of his own pocket for me, because I’m gonna be completely cut off by the time summer rolls around. I know he said not to worry, but I still worry.
9. I need new glasses soon (I’m still wearing ones that are really old and don’t really help me as much as they could do)
10. I feel bored a good amount lately. Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time on social media. Other times I wonder if it actually all goes back to me losing a really old tablet in 2022 and the social media account being made in 2021 is just coincidence. Either way, it’s a persistent worry about boredom.
11. I feel bored a good amount lately. Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time on social media. Other times I wonder if it actually all goes back to me losing a really old tablet in 2022 and the social media account being made in 2021 is just coincidence. Either way, it’s a persistent worry about boredom.
12. I need to stop straining when I go to the bathroom. It’s kind of hard to stop doing something like that, but I know I still need to. Sometimes I’ll feel like stuff needs to come out of me, but it won’t come out on it’s own. This can mean urinating or defecating, if I may use overly formal language to handle my awkwardness. And I know this probably contributes to the stomach pain or to the existence of my hemorrhoids, but it’s hard to stop myself since this has become such a habit. I think feeling like there’s always more pee that needs to come out doesn’t help me any, either.
13. I need to stop spending as much time in the bathroom as I do. I assume I need to, at least. Sometimes I’ll spend anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes in there, either because I get distracted or don’t want to leave and then come back (or both those things). It’s something I know I could work on, especially with the hemorrhoids and the stomach pain and everything.
14. I keep pressing my socked feet to my bare legs, and I’m worried that I’m going to end up giving myself a rash if I keep doing this.
15. I cross my ring finger and my pinkie whenever I’m writing something on my phone. It’s a bad habit that leaves me uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to kick the habit.
16. I’m kind of worried my dad will lose his job. He told me someone he worked with lost their job, and that gave me some nerves and worries.
17. I probably need to experiment with more new underwear. These ones feel loose and kind of weird today. I don’t know why, but I certainly don’t enjoy it.
18. I need to get my wisdom teeth pulled out at some point, and that’s still concerning for me.
19. I keep worrying that my tablet is beginning to die. It gets hot a lot more often nowadays, especially when it’s playing videos or whatever. It also loses battery somewhat fast, and it crashes sometimes when it’s trying to load pages. I’m really worried about it, honestly.
20. Both today and yesterday (March 3rd and March 4th) I’ve had a really sore throat almost all day. I’m not looking forward to potentially dealing with this for the rest of the week. If not longer, I suppose.
21. I sometimes feel like my interests aren’t as strong as they once were? Like…I used to be able to fixate on a tv show or book series and read almost exclusively about it for months at a time. I haven’t had that feeling in a while. Last time I had something similar to it was shortly before I left High School, actually.

When I tell yall classes and work be kicking my ass, I ain’t lyin holy shit

Context: I had a huge assignment due tonight that I just barely managed to finish (not my best work but I digress), I’m behind on some submissions for work that I need to catch up on, I’ve gotta meet with a club advisor to plan for one of the club’s biggest events of the semester, and I’ve gotta figure where I’m gonna live in the fall and prolly work two jobs just to pay for grad school

A lot be happenin and im lowkey losing my mind over it all

Also I’m tryna plan for getting top surgery in the next couple years 💪🥲

why am I low-key stressing about olympic figure skating now. What has this blond little Virginian done to me.

“you only talk to your boyfriend.” Yeah cause when I talk to anyone else you guys end up crazy. Fuck off my phone witj that bullshit.

Argh

Revamping my masterlist and it’s stressing me out.

can pay day hurry up, I have concert tickets and football tickets I NEED to get

People who like indepdence probably don’t fear aging. But I’m not one of those people. I’m fiercely independent in my thoughts and my mind. But in terms of physicality, I do rely on others. I don’t have any physical disabilities, so I could probably be doing more stuff. But ever since I was a child, I haven’t done anything. I know some people would blame my parents for that, but I don’t want to hear anyone blame them for anything ever. True, I grew up with two parents who never worked and who did a lot of stuff for me.

I suppose you could argue I should have done more stuff on my own as a kid. I never learned to pour my own water, to run my own baths and showers, to do anything too physically laborious. But to be fair, I was a kid who would legitimately raise hell over anything. So I think my parents were too stressed with other things to always remember to make me work on things. I didn’t learn to fully go bathroom by myself until I was…I want to say 7 or 8? And I didn’t start sleeping on my own until I was 10 or 11. It feels like I didn’t start until just five years ago, but that’s definitely not true. It just feels true, because time is crazy and meaningless and yet too meaningful.

Anyways, I never learned indepdence because I refused to learn and my parents never pushed it very often. But I refuse to judge them for that. I still feel like my childhood was probably better than some people’s. True, I didn’t really have any friends besides my parents. But I did have my parents, both of whom I loved a lot. And who I still love. And yet I’m still very dependent now. I’m gonna be 21 next month, and I still don’t even get my own water. I don’t cook or clean. I don’t even run my own baths or showers. I just rely on my dad and try to focus on keeping myself stable. It’s hard enough to keep myself calm some days, I’m still glad I don’t actually have to do much more.

But I also feel acutely aware that I’m lagging in independence. I can see that everywhere, in fiction and in real life and everywhere in between. As I’ve aged, it’s stayed something I remain insecure about sharing with other people. Because who isn’t going to judge someone who still doesn’t clean and cook and make their bed and make their own baths? Who isn’t just going to consider that person lazy? I feel like it’s an accusation I would have no rebuttal for, because it absolutely is true. I could have been doing more years ago, but I’ve been content with my lot in life. I didn’t want to change things and mess up my routine. But now I’m turning 21, and I’m still stuck in these patterns. And so I just feel like every year, the excuses grow worse and worse and I just end up looking worse for it.

I don’t really want to change my life routine. Getting more independent is likely only going to give me more stress in the long term, and I wish I could just stop thinking about it. But that’s not easy, considering how much I pass self judgement on myself over everything. It’s hard not to, because I know how the world probably expects me to be. I know that I can’t compare myself to others, but that’s hard when you never see representation of someone with my issues unless it’s usually to mock them and portray them as immature or childishly. But I’m not. I have plenty of intelligent thoughts. Just because I’m not as independent as some other people doesn’t mean I’m not worthy of kindness! It’s not nice to judge, although I am aware it’s easy to judge people. I do it myself all the time. I’m a hypocrite, I guess.

Anyways, I think trying to deal with this stigma is part of my problem when it comes to aging. This isn’t all of it, of course. I have more problems, too. Aging is not liberating for me. It is fearful for me, a reminder that I’m behind other people in some ways and that I’m getting older and older and my future prospects don’t feel very safe and comforting. That’s the next point I want to discuss in this note. That is if my stomach pains don’t break me down first, that is. Because they’re really beginning to aggravate me right now. But let’s see if I can’t stay on focus.

Aging reminds me that all this is coming up, because it’s been built up in my head. Each year in not more independent is actually kind of nice, but I can’t enjoy my ability to rely on others because I’m too busy feeling useless for it. And then I’m worked about that happens if my dad dies and I’m still dependent on him. Since my dad is the closest person I have after my mom’s death, that one thought is horrifying to remember. It’s awful. I don’t think about it often, because I try to actively suppress this fear. But it’s definitely there, and it does creep in often enough to be bothersome. I could avoid feeling the weight of my age as long as I was in High School.

High School legitimately has been like a safety net for me, because the idea of leaving it behind makes me feel like that’s the end of my stable period of life when it’s acceptable to be dependent on others and thoughtless towards money and aging and work and all of that. High School ending meant I had to think to think about this stuff, and thinking about this stuff is something that kills me. Well, it isn’t really killing me. But it sure does feel that way mentally. And that’s probably a big part of what’s stressing me out. Leaving High School released this massive flood tide of stress, and it’s nearly impossible to counter all of it. Because it’s powerful as an emotional thing, and it’s a very big fear.

I’ve kind of forgotten to tackle all my fears here. I never got around to discussing how money and the idea of needing to manage finances independently also gives me stress when I think about it, but I think I’ve done enough work for now. I already have close to 400 notes, and this note is already 1,000+ words. So I think it’s fine if I got myself off here and just choose to take a break. I feel like I probably deserve one after trying to write about something so intense and taxing here. I still don’t know if this is the cause of all my stomach pains, but it’s gotta contribute to at least some percentage of it all.

The only bigger problem I suppose I have: With how stressed I’ve been over the past nine months, I feel like it’s gonna be really hard to fix my stomach problems. I have to try and fix them, because I can’t live with this pain forever. It’s legitimately awful to deal with. But to fix something that’s been here for nine months sounds like something that’s legitimately going to be very arduous to deal with. I already struggle with maintaining calm, and I’m pretty sure maintaining calm is what I have to do to deal with this. But I guess I’ll have to figure it out. I have to.

I’m stressed out because I’m not stressing enough about stuff

Im failing school (not rlly but it’s the worst I’ve ever been) does anyone have tips I genuinely been learning so hard all week and still got the worst grade. help pls I’m crying

HMMMMMMhaaaa hunmmm im stressing wait

Something by noah kahan probably maybe maine rn ou orange juice ou THE OTHER ONE THAT I NEVER REMEMBER THE NAME bit then again OH NO ITS PRIBABLY THE FAVORS yes okay so by the favors you have the hudson maybe idk

So stressed out about scholarships because of my parents, only to find out that there was a note on the table from the college I’m going to with a scholarship for 4,000 a year.

Ugh… I WISH I KNEW THIS BEFORE SO I DIDN’T STRESS OUT THAT BADLY

Fighting the urge to end all my comments and posts with “(sorry for my bad english)”

“Clothesline Quadrants pt 1”

Mixed media

Last week of school, and im so behind. Im gonna lock in and catch up as much as possible before the 18th. Wish me luck 😃🔫

so now i’m stuck loving someone who won’t even call me theirs.

me watching charles gain DRS on lando. why is he driving like we’re in monza rn?? BROTHER SLOW DOWN PLEASE I’M BEGGING😭😭

I’m kicking myself right now.

My final project for an engineering class suffers from a fatal design flaw: One of the most important screws in the whole project unscrews itself because it’s holding together two gears that turn in opposite directions.

How did I not anticipate this?