Sometimes I think about media I really like && I just want to die because of how much I adore it . I do not think that is normal .

I need routine but also need warning before routine changes.

KW

I love the part of autism where I can be just as sarcastic as neurotypical people around me and then I get to do the “it was sarcasm” back to them because they don’t think I’m capable of doing it and then they just stare with their mouth open of a second before changing the subject

Like hell yeah, welcome to the club, bitch

Honestly I hate the belief that autistic people naturally have an easier time communicating with each other, cuz in my experience that’s not true. I remember a server I was in. I’m 99% sure everyone was ND lol, but despite that, I feel I was treated like somewhat of an outcast. Someone who needed to be kept in check, someone who in other people’s eyes just refused to be a better person, like I was a ticking time bomb ready at any moment to fuck up and make people too uncomfortable. And I remember being told I need to remember people in the server are ND and may not pick up on jokes, and it may not have been the intention, but it really sounded like to them, I wasn’t one of those types of people too. And it makes me mad, being treated like an outcast by other kids, teachers, even my family, only to meet a group of people like me and still be distrusted in the same way. Like even among other people considered by society to be “not normal”, that I in particular was too “not normal”. It hurts

stimulants are insane i took mt 40 mg vyvanse this morning because i had to clean my room and i got distracted and organized my bookshelf by color

Mon, 16 Mar 2026 - 1am

The blood moon is coming next week or so, according to prediction. Not surprising, considering the intrusive unnecessary wild imaginations I’ve been getting since yesterday.

Get me outta this mind torture already…

Anyway, failed to do tasks again. I…… had a lot of free time didn’t I? But the hours just flew by. It didn’t matter, I’ve done nothing but shower, wash dishes & take out the trash. Which is good that I did those at all, but I REALLY need to do the substantial to-dos…

One would say that I’m not taking care of my mental health by not doing these, because it’s like leaving my brain filled browser tabs. It weighs on my flesh-CPU. And it doesn’t feel good. Throughout the days

I need to organize things… Uhh… I might need to finish listening to the book by Dr. Russel’s DIL about handing Adult ADHD and see if there’s anything I can apply by tomor-… today

Had to book a haircut AFTER i took sewing scissors to it myself. Two sharp cuts and then I stopped and made the call. Because I would rather be bald than have it creeping down my neck poking me in the eyes, tickling my ears and FOR WHAT?! for who? Who is being affected by my hair the most? Thats right. Me. I don’t have the time, energy, or will to manage that shit again. I don’t give a fuck about my hair. Unless it’s bothering me and only me. Then I care. When others treat me differently due to appearance, that is on them.

Everytime I get a haircut there has been a few days where the neurotypicals go ahead and assume I am one of them. That I care about grooming enough to have newly done hair.

I have resolved this by getting hair that will eventually grow out into a sort of style, but currently looks a little too short. And that is the point. I don’t want to have to do this more than 3 times a year. And again, I do not see this shit. I am not willing to be annoyed by hair any furthur in my life. Anyone who so desperately needs otherwise can donate pure cash towards affording me a nice wig. Which I can take off.

Mini rant: I was told my whole life I would get used to long stupid in your face hair. I never did. It was annoying dawn til dusk. Even now I have flashbacks of it pulling, getting stuck in zippers, hats, always putting pressure on my ears, stupid fucking clips. Hair everywhere! I hated showers because of hair. Dripping cold everywhere. It would always get fucked up by pool chemicals and get stuck in googles. Fuck all this extra dumbass gendered labor.

the doctors putting me on amphetamines at age 6 for being hyper instead of letting me maybe grow out of it or into it or comfortably with it: but don’t fret over your inability to produce any actual magic; this invention will disguise your deficiencies.

Road Trip Photos Batch 1

It’s funny how much gaining a social circle is like trying to get a job these days…If you don’t already HAVE it in some capacity you won’t get one or it will be immensely difficult to procure.

Not to mention the fact that not having one puts you at a severe disadvantage for support so you usually end up spending more money to keep yourself afloat.

I don’t even have an emergency contact to list.

I have no one to ask for a lift somewhere.

I have nobody to come over and help me with anything.

I have no one to speak to about the happy things in my life except this here blog and only about zero people see it because I don’t really have mutuals.

Weird being able to verbalize today.

does anyone else have that thing where while sitting you can’t have both feet flat on the floor or else your leg starts bouncing? and you can’t stop it

the way i start cleaning after hanging out with friends is so funny to me

oh, and my parents were making an awkward, frustrating situation even worse while we were waiting for her to show up at the theater since they had to drop me off. i felt like i was getting in trouble just because they were mad she was running late for a movie they weren’t even going to see

i just feel like… yes, it was wrong of her to make other plans, knowing we were going to hang out that day at a specific time, but oh my god, why were they getting so heated and rude towards me about it???

that and they were asking me if i could get a refund, as if i said she’s not coming rather than she’s running late and like- i was going to see the movie i paid for whether she showed up or not. it just felt so extreme for no good reason

they just… don’t understand what it’s like when you have social anxiety and you want to go out and do things and you just CAN’T because you have social anxiety and when you finally can do something it just means the world to you even if it doesn’t to everyone else

and i hate when plans change so why the fuck would i leave just because someone is running a little bit late

i cared and was upset that she was late, but oh well, at least she didn’t ditch me and she showed up on time for the movie because you know PREVIEWS and i’m chronically late to everything so it didn’t bother me as much as it might someone else. the thing that bothered me the most was the change in plans, but i could get over that after some emotional regulation. and once i saw her, i just felt relief. because seeing my friends, the love i have for them outweighs any other minor bullshit that might be or have been

I got a Little Ouchies!!!

I love it so much ( T∀T)

It’s so pretty (☆o☆)

I also got the roller! I’ll do another video about that one soon (>v<)

The AuDHD Field Guide

Field Guide Entry

Homo AuDHDus

(Common name: The AuDHDer)

Classification

Neurodivergent mammal

Found worldwide

General Description

The AuDHDer is a complex and often misunderstood human subtype. At first glance they may appear perfectly typical, particularly when observed in familiar surroundings. In their natural habitat, most often their own home, bedroom, or carefully curated personal…

The AuDHD Field Guide

AGHH I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE I WANT A GIRLFRIEND, I LOVE MEN TOO BUT I WANT A GIRLFRIEND WOMEN ARE SO UGJABJAHDLAJALJSKSBAK IM A YEARNER IM IMIMIMN IMGONNACrY

if your kid is asking for advice using conditional statements to change costume when variables reach a certain number, but cannot tie their shoes, they’re autistic.

there, i saved you five grand.