Drowning

Maybe it’s just a quarter-life crisis.

Or maybe there’s too much sun.

Maybe there are so many opportunities it’s overwhelming.

But I’m drowning.

is it bpd devaluing or ptsd inability to fully ever trust a perosn or overhtinking OR. CONSDIER THIS: im actyaky right forever and ever atcually

Overthinking — A Full-Time Job Poem

I clock in at sunrise, my mind on repeat,Reviewing scenarios no one will meet.Overthinking pays nothing, this much is true —But somehow it’s work I’m committed to do.

I worry at levels that should earn a prize,Turning whispers to warnings and glances to lies.My brain is dramatic, it loves to perform —Creating disasters that never take form.

I replay conversations again and again —Did I sound…

Overthinking — A Full-Time Job Poem

People say don’t overthink it as if that’s not my primary skill set

Nihayetinde hepimiz insanız. Ne uğruna nefes alırız?

Gülümsemeye devam et sana kafayı takmama az kaldı.

Kendime söz vereceksem hep şöyle söylerim.

“Yıldızlar gökyüzünü terk edene kadar”

this goes out to all my followers who are as fucked up as I am

Sit and Be Pretty

Just the other day at the library sitting at the table across from me was one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen in my life. One of those men that is so attractive that it kind of makes you a little angry. Or it makes me a little angry.

Hair thick and lustrous that I wanted to touch it, run my fingers through it, sniff it. You get the idea, gorgeous thick pretty hair. Kind of a swarthy bearded thing going on, and a nice tan, and not too thin, not too ripped, just a ‘I go hiking and biking’ healthy kind of look.

But I think the thing that made him most attractive was this tattoo, I have a weakness for the tattooed of the world, and it was of a volcano setting. He had a half sleeve volcano tattoo. Not quite to the point where it was a lightning volcano tattoo that really should’ve been on the side of a van with a chick in bikini kind of thing, more a beautiful island volcano that had some sort of story behind it, some kind of visual pictogram that told the story of a moment in this guy’s life.

Or so I wanted to believe. I wanted it to be interesting because this man was infuriatingly beautiful. I also wanted him to be interesting. I wanted his tattoo to be more than just “something cool” he saw on a wall. I wanted it to have deep meaning.

What is that? Why do we foist our own need for someone to be fascinating on someone we find attractive? Oh I do so hope that incredibly hot guy that I’m likely never going to talk to or see ever again is deep and fascinating and full of well thought out motives in his life.

Seriously, what the hell? Is it not enough that I saw this attractive unattainable young man, drooled a little on myself, and have a visual bit of porn for the future? Is that not enough? Why does he have to be interesting? Why does he have to be anything but pretty? Why does he have to have a story?

He can just sit and be pretty in my head for all time.

Infuriatingly pretty.

En sevdiğim kokular😌🩷🌸✨😍🥹🫶

• Annemin kokusu
• Bebek kokusu
• Mama yedikten sonra mama kokan kedo kokusu

Dear Overthinking Me,

I know you mean well.
You just want to protect me from getting hurt again.
But sometimes, you make me see pain where there’s just silence.
You replay moments that are already gone,
and turn small words into heavy storms.

They say I’m “just overthinking.”
Maybe they’ll never understand that it’s not that simple.
it’s me trying to make sense of the things that didn’t feel right.
When someone hurts me and calls it a joke,
when they say I’m wrong for feeling it,
you show up to remind me I’m not crazy.

Well thank you for caring,
but please rest sometimes.
Not everyone means harm.
And not every feeling needs to become a battle.

I’ll listen to you , but not let you lead.
We’ll find peace together.

Love,
Me.

(09/11/2015)

“And all of a sudden I felt really tired. Like the world has drained me for everything that I had.” . via (Quotes ‘nd Noted) .

Throwback Thursday: Lucch “Overthink”

I overthink. I over love. I over feel. I’m the sea or I’m nothing.

Juansen Dizon

I’m always so comfortable in that space of “knowing I’m not the best”, that I’m scared of trying to be better. What if i try and fail? Because failing leads to the feeling of shame.

And I hate the feeling of shame.

In every aspect, shame is my biggest enemy. Withholding me from becoming better. Yet I’m so comfortable in this feeling that changing feels like too much of a burden…