im so lonely. im so tired of being so lonely. im trying so hard to reach out but i feel like nobody cares. idk.
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I have so many mixed feelings about the whole thing I am not sure if I should crash out or if I couldn’t care less
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06.28.25
“Lonely, lonely, even when the room is full. I’d trade it, trade it, I would trade it all for you.”
It’s been eight unbearable years since you left me. It’s completely unfathomable that I’ve been without you twice as long as I was with you. My heart still aches exactly the same way it did the day you left. All I want is for someone to look at me the way you used to look at me. I spent the last year of my life pretending that someone else could love me. I wished and hoped and begged for even a tiny sliver of the love that you gave me but it was never ever fulfilled. What a fool I am to believe that anyone could ever love me again, let alone love me the way you did. What an absolute idiot I am to believe that our connection would ever allow for another love in my life. I am alone and I will always be alone. It’s blatantly apparent that I will never have a partner again, a family of my own, a home of my own. I never imagined I could feel more empty than I did after you died. What a surprise it was to discover that the death of my father would only drag me deeper into the empty abyss. The only bit of relief I feel is to know that you, Kinsley, were there (wherever there is) to greet my father at the start of his next journey. I take comfort in knowing that both of you are waiting for me, somewhere, on the other side. I cannot wait to see you again, to be held in your arms again. I am still so madly in love with you, my sweet, sweet girl. My life will never be the same without you. I love you to the moon and back, until the end of my being, forever and ever and always.
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Im useless to them.
I think I’m useless. Like I had a friend group who lives in new jersey and we use to play games all the time, note that these are the closest friends i have ever had and i have met one of them irl, ONCE. fast forward to July 2025 and I’ve known them for a few months now, a good while, and I disappear for 3-4 months for reasons I would like to not explain. Long story short i come back and everybody is happy im not, you know, dead. Though nothing changed that much there was one thing that changed, i now barely play games or even talk to them, not cause I don’t want to but because I cant. They usually play games that if my parents saw me play would beat the crap out of me (EXAGGERATED! they would probably just ground me), plus they stay on their computers way later than my parents allow me to even stay awake, I decided to leave the discord group chat we had because I’m just useless to all my friends now and I feel dumb for even sticking around. They all say they care about me with one friend sending me 40+ messages while I was gone for 3 months, but do they really care about me? I think they are all my best friends, especially the one who sent me the 40+ messages, but I don’t even think I make their top 10 friends, and since I have no other friends in real life I guess I am now officially friendless and it is all my fault. They’ll probably have more fun with me gone and I’m glad for them.
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When I need someone, no one responds.
When someone else needs me, I’m always there.
When is it my turn to be cared about?
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Lonely Taevas…/Üksildane Taevas…
Taevas wants to Watch the Pout-Pout Fish/ Taevas tahab vaadata Pout-Pout kala.
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Losing your person sucks. Losing your person and your safe space is shattering
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😞💕🥺💕you’re too kind. I wish I could properly appreciate your wonderful words. At this moment, im very low right now😞💕 I’ve been lonely for so long. I dont know what to do with myself😞💕
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The trouble is not really in being alone, it’s being lonely. One can be lonely in the midst of a crowd-Christine Feehan
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Roo.
ALT
ALTFucking hell. Where did that come from? Thirteen years (!) since I broke off contact with you, because of the emotional/mental harm it did me, and >>BAM<< a night of contiguous dreams all about/containing you.
Really vivid, disturbing - hell artistic - dreams.
I suppose it’s because I am incalculably lonely and when I’m so badly hurting my mind tries to help, without my conscious knowledge. Wouldn’t be the first time. But this didn’t help. It just opened an old wound, and stuck something barbed and rusty in there and wiggled it around.
And now it’s bedtime - in that I’m actually tired enough before midnight to genuinely get some SLEEP [standsbackinamazment] - so I’m hoping I won’t find myself back in Roo’s imagined company. I only ever wanted to be in her authentic company. Somehow she managed to avoid that, somehow…
Fucking hell. Just fucking hell…
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god i feel weird & off & bad today
i want a hug. at the very absolute least, i want a hug.
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i do not control the Interests, they control me. and i’m really starting to hate it… i wish i could make friends outside of my Interests. i wish i could truly enjoy hanging out when it does not revolve around The Interests.
all i want lately is more Interest friends who share what i feel.. but i also wish i wasn’t so broken that anything else doesn’t feel good enough for me.
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Tell me why I’m trying to plan my birthday and I realized I only have 3 friends. what? I used to have so many friends. Some one explain exactly what happened. I need new friends. So people with no lives so they can hang out whenever.
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I literally feel like such wasted potential…
everything I yearn for in this life i can’t pursue
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‘I like thinking that other people can feel lonely too and maybe they’ll recognize themselves in something someone else made.’
Brandon Taylor, from Minor Black Figures