i looked so fucking sad as a baby bro i knew i was in the wrong fuckin’ place…

I lost myself again

I walked through the pink sands and wandered

Only to become lost once more

The further I went, the further I fell

How does one speak of such horrors?

I walk in daily life with my flesh and soul torn asunder

I greet and smile all while my heart hangs from its last threads

My heart, a muscle once thought be pieces but was always one whole piece

My heart filled with betrayal of the deepest kind

My love taken time and time again without permission

My body the battlefield

How does one speak of wars waged on one body?

How does one stop the bleeding?

These muscles ache

These lungs burn

Will no one hold me?

Will I continue to walk with torn flesh and no one stop?

I give love willingly, will it not be returned?

Is there no beauty on my ragged bones?

Can you not find grace in my feral eyes?

Am I lost?

Is not my blood life?

And so I lay my head to rest

As I ooze onto the soft grass

My tears giving my true emotions

The sun melting away my life

The awe of my dark past too pervasive to allow entry

Many too scared to disturb the fragments of what I am

Left wanting the only thing I craved…acceptance

{More tragedy cause I love sorrows domain and its literally the only domain I’ve beaten on Max Severity {or like.. at all ever}}

{No idea which filter i like more but I definitely like both so yeah!!!}

Im useless to them.

I think I’m useless. Like I had a friend group who lives in new jersey and we use to play games all the time, note that these are the closest friends i have ever had and i have met one of them irl, ONCE. fast forward to July 2025 and I’ve known them for a few months now, a good while, and I disappear for 3-4 months for reasons I would like to not explain. Long story short i come back and everybody is happy im not, you know, dead. Though nothing changed that much there was one thing that changed, i now barely play games or even talk to them, not cause I don’t want to but because I cant. They usually play games that if my parents saw me play would beat the crap out of me (EXAGGERATED! they would probably just ground me), plus they stay on their computers way later than my parents allow me to even stay awake, I decided to leave the discord group chat we had because I’m just useless to all my friends now and I feel dumb for even sticking around. They all say they care about me with one friend sending me 40+ messages while I was gone for 3 months, but do they really care about me? I think they are all my best friends, especially the one who sent me the 40+ messages, but I don’t even think I make their top 10 friends, and since I have no other friends in real life I guess I am now officially friendless and it is all my fault. They’ll probably have more fun with me gone and I’m glad for them.

ANDRES BARRIOQUINTO
Hapis, pluma at tinta sa papel, 2007
#artPH

This old man comes into my store. He has lost his wife, recently enough that sometimes he speaks of her in present tense. After we process the transaction he says “Tell me it gets better.”

I pause a moment and choose to lie to myself. “It will get better”

“Don’t lie to me” he laughs “Did you grow up here?”

“Unfortunately”

“Why didn’t you leave?” I cant find a good response, so he follows up with, “Where would you go?”

“If I could go anywhere, I would go to Switzerland”

“My wife is from Switzerland! She wanted to get me citizenship over there so we could move home”

And just like that, we were standing there, life times apart with tears in our eyes.

And the door opens, the bell chimes, and the moment is lost.

In the throes of sorrow, we forget so many things: the joy of sunshine, the ease of a deep breath, the gratitude found in small moments, and the hope on the horizon. When the heart aches, we become blind—turned inward by the weight of it. Yet, I know the soothing I need lies in the giving.

e.v.e.

a mothers touch

as a child, id fight going to sleep.

my mother learned how to combat my hyperactivity; by running a fingerprint over my brow, gently.

over and over, the repetitive nature swarms my nerves into comfort.

however, mother dearest has not known the thickness of your grown-into brows

and its been years since youve been touched this way

holding myself to sleep now, i run my thumb over my left eyebrow

a shudder and exhale from my diaphragm in response

its been years since youve been touched this way

———————————————

this piece is about the method my mother used to use on me as a kid when i wouldnt sleep. i use it now when im tired, upset/crying, or cant calm down.

ive had people, who i adore enough to let touch me, place their fingertips on me—but never this gently.

today, i think i finally found someone worthy of this honor. so, i wanted to write about this finally before i let him change the narrative of “never letting someone ease my pain”. hope you guys enjoy :]

Alexei Ivanovich Vepkhvadze

Sorrow (1968)

It’s really sad when you are in a loveless relationship and long the feeling of being loved.

Call me delusional but this album was made for me.

“If I Leave” by Mitski - Nothings About to Happen to Me

BLOODY DEVASTATION - Grace OST

Peak

Made me shed a tear

IFEELLIKEANATOMICBOMB, ICANTTAKEITANYMORE

Reminder: ACTION is the best antidote to despair.

I can feel you slipping away. You’re like the sand on a mass, desolate beach. The harder I try to hold on to you the faster you slip through my weary fingers.

I’m feeling a lot better so here’s a redesign of my sona

Midnight Blues Singer Sadie “Blues” Johnson
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