i’m reading the essay “Collective Turn-off”, which i largely disagree with bc of its rampant misogynistic apologia inherent to its thesis that individual men are not to blame for their behavior, we are all just victims of the mythical patriarchy in the sky that controls people and forces men to do terrible things… alas, poor men!
the reason that sharing life with men feels like slow violence is ultimately not the men themselves (not in many cases, at least) but, rather, the hierarchies that, flowing through us all, elevate them and suffocate us.
No, Sophie, I think it often is the men themselves. The men themselves who abuse and murder the women in their lives. This is not some rare phenomenon.
but i ALSO disagree with its argument that there is a ‘good’ way to practice BDSM, where it comes from a place of self-love, and a 'bad’ way, where it comes from self-loathing:
To be clear, the problem here is Rooney’s hinting that BDSM is fundamentally an expression of self-contempt (rather than how a lot of straight people mis/understand and mis/practice kink).
Who the fuck cares if it is an expression of self-contempt??? Do people not have the autonomy to make choices based on contempt for themselves? If it’s safe and consensual, do we need to police our innermost feelings during sex?