935: Relapse

PT: 935: Relapse pride /end PT

DEFINITION ⦂⠀Someone whose relapse is important to one’s identity. This relapse may be used by those who repeatedly fall back into financial, mental, physical, social, etc. habits.

PT: Definition: Someone whose relapse is important to one’s identity. This relapse may be used by those who repeatedly fall back into financial, mental, physical, social, etc. habits. /end PT

Reasons this may be important to one’s identity include: indicating one has a sensitivity to something, or how the relapses influence communication/interaction.

ADDITIONAL ⦂⠀Coined on the 16th of March, 2026. Hourglass symbol from creazilla (link).

PT: Additional: Coined on the 16th of March, 2026. Hourglass symbol from creazilla (link). /end PT

TAGGING ⦂⠀@c1rcus-of-silliness @dearestchild @goregender @miscellaneous-id @pridetemplates @radiomogai

singing weezer while relapsing is such a vibe icl 👀

The Questionable Binary of Relapse and Recovery

The time I accumulated in recovery, sober from certain substances or refraining from certain behaviours, didn’t vanish when relapse happened – the knowledge and self-discovery during that period made the next round of recovery easier to get into.

I don’t belong here. I’m wrong and bad.

i want to cut my skin open until i don’t have to think about how much of a disappointment i am

i want to relapse. i want to relapse. i want to feel. to control. to decide.

Day one, again

Had a bender while recovering from a head cold. Three days, one hangover day, then one day, then two days to recover, then three days again.

Lots of money spent, lots of junkfood eaten, lots of sleeping it off until late afternoon. Lots of neglecting social events and paperwork at home. It’s a spiral, don’t know whether it’s up or down or to the outside.

My latest personal record of being dry is five days, then two days of drinking during the weekend, then four days again until the next bender. My biggest record that I remember is something like nine or twelve days, about three or four years ago.

My skin feels clammy and scaly, and my sweat must reek of alcohol. Puffy dry eyes and whatnot. Went for a walk to sweat it out a bit. Emotionally I feel a little frustrated, maybe a bit apathetic. Remnants of shame about stinking like old booze yesterday at friends’ place. But not anxious or antsy to drink tonight. Trying really hard to stay sober during the weekend, going to a friend’s house to watch a movie. Planning on buying soda or non-alcoholic ginger ale or something.

Managed to get antidepressants from the pharmacy today, that was nice. Also got a book from the library. I guess this is my gratitude exercise for the day. As for tomorrow’s promise or commitment, I’m going to get my routine STI tests done and maybe go to a boardgame event later in the evening if I feel like hanging out downtown for a while.

I saw somewhere that if you’re trying to quit alcohol you should absolutely not try to quit smoking simultaneously. On that note, I’m going out to smoke now.

The Questionable Binary of Relapse and Recovery

Relapse and recovery exist in opposition to each other, in this line of thinking, a direct contradiction in terms.

“this time will be different” ..

Did something different - sharpners werent doing it anymore, i’ve ordered proper steel shaving blades. I guess this means im officially relapsing and im actually getting worse, but it doesnt feel like it. This feels good.

Just relapsed a couple of weeks ago and a few days ago i did again. Pissed that I don’t have my plugs anymore, but maybe it’s good because I can’t buy my own shit again. Just have to resist the urge because I know if I want to I’ll find another plug.

I’m actuallygoing to relapse and I’m going to be a disgusting piece of shititssofuckknf kver

imgona golookat cutspo on tungik okgbt

woowwww i haven’t had this bad of a depressive episode in fucking years

Okay fuck. Yeah no, three times is a pattern, this is back in my fucking life. Shit.

The Questionable Binary of Relapse and Recovery

Relapse and recovery exist in opposition to each other, in this line of thinking, a direct contradiction in terms.

guess what happened !!!!!!!!!!

“Autumn relapse, I will get out of it eventually!” It’s been 6 months.. I’m just back.

just over 3 years down the drain

i’m so tired i relapsed i juf wanna sleep niw