“Pero vos no sos así, vos sos fuerte, vos no te quebras” dice él mientras se me forma una sonrisa y las lágrimas se caen ..

Cierto..

Normalmente esa parte no muestro…

Cada vez que lloro no me vez .. o no me escuchas porque aprendí a llorar sin hacer ruido..

Claramente no me vez en mis peores momentos..

En mis peores mañana…

En mis peores tardes..

Madrugadas…

Sin dormir y sin llorar porque ya no hay lagrimas que puedan caer

Sin sentir..

Cierto que no conoces esa parte de mi…

Paralizzata.

SCAR

This video kills me…just wanted to sleep and now I am crying 😢… i know dean is just fiction but…damn I love him so much! Can’t tell why 🙈

In the game U should never have a excuse… Right now in the #town #paralized #pimpin sttin dow prostitutes 🦽🦽🦽 #pgo #rpgo #hgo #rhgo #gamerelated #gameorientated #304s_16s_weirdos__ (at The Town)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CDvSsaBAs03/?igshid=146trvfq8cr1f

“Where is the real me? I’m lost and it kills me inside”

-NF

https://gf.me/u/x8ht4m

Haku - Paralyzed Ball Python Needs Help organized by Suzanne Maple

#sundsy #sketch
Does anyone else get that paralyzing fear you wont be able to do it again? That the ability wi just go away…your time is up…. I have many #sketchbooks filled with failure I will.literally have #panicattack days where I am #paralized into not being able to do anything
https://www.instagram.com/p/CBJdiB_g_kE/?igshid=1uu0dugl9m9kl

(13/03/20) Acaso no nota nada?, de cualquier forma tenemos la chance de sobrevivir… eso espero, por el momento es solo un estado mental, solo nos toca esperar estar bien

(M)

My fear is valid. Being paralized by it is not my fault. Having trouble turning my thoughts into action does not make me lazy. It is not my fault that this happens to me. I am valid, and my experiences are valid. I will not punish myself for them. I will not carry all this guilt.

Newly paralized.

I’ve ironically never wanted to be numb until I was paralized.

I cant feel what I want but everything I do feel hurts.

“Its only been a few months. Give it time to heal and the pain will settle.

Have you ever been in excruciating pain for MONTHS non stop?

My medication doesn’t seem to do shit.

When I get high sometimes j giggle because I want to say my legs feel numb… but my legs dont feel anything at the moment…

…its funnier in the moment because I’m stoned…

Amazing how I got to be 25 and only have one friend. I feel like I messed it all up and that I’m loosing things that I can never get back. I will never be the one who has those friends who’ve knonw me since I was a child, I won’t even have friends who’ve knonw me since I was a teenager. I always choose the wrong people to surround me, or I mess it up in a way or another. Why am I like this? I feel so damn lonely. 

La mia malinconia è paralizzante

Miedo, esa sensación que te paraliza. Miedo aquello que sin pensar hace que el tiempo se detenga a tu alrededor salvo para tu corazón que decide dispararse. Hay diferentes formas de miedo pero el resultado es el mismo, será por nervios? Será por ignorancia? Será por agobio? Si, si y si. A veces los nervios  hacen que nuestra mente se dispare hasta llegar a producir esa sensación de parálisis. Agobio? Si, ambos los nervios de que algo importante se acerca o el agobio de no estar preparados para eso. Todo forma una espiral gigante que te arranca y sacude todo tu ser sino estás preparado y arraigado en el suelo. Es como estar en el mar nadando tranquilamente y de repente ha venido una ola que no esperabas inmensa y que arrasa con todo incluso con tu diminuto ser. Te engulle, te revuelve y al final te paralizas sin remedio abandonándote al arroyo y sucumbiendo a su fuerza. Asusta en esos momentos no saber qué hacer, no saber cómo has llegado ni cómo se ha formado pero estás ahí en medio. Y aunque todos dicen que El Centro del huracán es el lugar más seguro tú solo ves caos a tu alrededor todo se desmorona y también tu voluntad si no encuentras algo a lo que sujetarte. No sucumbas al miedo, sé fuerte recuerda esos ojos llenos de vida y fuerza cada mañana al despertar para afrontar un nuevo día. Recuérdalos sonriendo con la mirada en cada foto, en cada momento frente al espejo. Es inevitable sentir miedo, todos tenemos miedo pero eres fuerte aunque lo olvides, eres muy capaz aunque te sientas inútil y eres inteligente aunque te sientas estupida y solo tengas ganas de llorar. Si eres capaz de levantarte cada vez que caes eres capaz de luchar por lo que sientes y crees solo tienes que recordar por qué lo haces. No eres pequeña aunque estés hecha de pequeñas cosas, de pequeños momentos pero grandes sentimientos. Pensándolo bien eres un universo inmenso donde cada estrella que brilla es una fortaleza, un momento de luz. A veces necesitas perderte en ese gran y ancho universo y darte cuenta de que aunque todo sea oscuro, frío, inquietante y asuste estas rodeada de estrellas, estas llena de fuerza para seguir expandiéndote y crecer. Es inevitable temer lo desconocido pero no dejas de levantarte porque no sepas que va a pasar en tu día decides hacerlo porque sabes que aunque no estés segura eres tú quien escribe esa incertidumbre, eres tú quien llena las páginas del año. Así que ten miedo, pero sonríe, asústate y llora pero se fuerte, vive porque no hay mayor fortaleza que recordar y descubrir quién eres.

“Rowan, get the lizard out of here and fix it up. I’ll be purchasing it and I want it ready for our next show.”

Critter couldn’t see the human that had watched the fight from their position on the ground. The tentacle beast had melted after it’s death, but Critter remained stiff and numb, coated in the thing’s slime. Their throat and mouth were numb and puffy feeling from the slime that had gotten in, but they didn’t think they’d swallowed very much. The human that had led them to the small arena and told them to make it entertaining for “the boss” stepped into view, crouching in front of Critter. They must be Rowan. The human was wearing gloves, and they were careful not to let any of the slime get on their arms as they started dragging Critter by one of their arms. Critter couldn’t do much about this, and that was making them nervous. They didn’t like not being able to struggle, not that they would’ve if they could, but having the option was nice. So Critter let Rowan drag them, at least the slime meant their scales weren’t being rubbed off.

Rowan tugged them through the maze of halls and into the cleanest looking room Critter had seen here, all smooth stone that would’ve reminded them of Lyla’s basement if it weren’t for the drastically different lighting. They were pulled to the middle of the room where Rowan let go of their arm and stepped out of their view. The ground underneath them jerked, and they would’ve flinched if they could move. They were lifted off the ground, stopping few feet up. Rowan walked back into view, disappearing again around their other side. They heard the squeaking of metal on metal, as well as water gushing. Critter tried to look, but they were still stiff and immobilized. They felt twitchy, but of course they couldn’t twitch, so it just built and built until they were sure their insides must be vibrating. The slime had worn off so quickly last time, what was taking so long?

“I’m going to wash you off.” Rowan stepped back into view, holding a sloshing bucket and a cloth. They dipped the cloth in the bucket and started to wipe off Critter’s face, working from around their eyes outward. Critter forced their eyes shut, moving tiny bit by tiny bit.

Rowan continued wiping the slime off them. It was slow going, as they had to change out the water every few wipes. The cloth was cold and broke through the numbing effect of the slime. The focused on the tracks it was making over their neck, down their back, around their tail. Their cast wasn’t wiped off, but Rowan came as close as they could around the edges. Critter’s body tingled where the cloth had cleared away the slime. They started shivering, chilled by the cold water, and they turned their still stiff neck to look at Rowan. They were cleaning the arm that Critter had been dragged with. Rowan noticed them looking at them.

“I’ll dry you off in a minute. He said to fix you up, so I can get you some food and water.”

Critter offered a weak chirp, shifting their weight onto their fully cleaned side. Rowan finished washing them off in silence, dumping the bucket onto a grate in the floor, then shedding their gloves. They grabbed a towel from behind Critter and draped it over Critter’s back. Rowan rubbed them dry, Critter sitting up when they could get their legs under them. They were still cold once they were dry, but no longer shivering. Rowan hooked their fingers under their collar again, and Critter followed them through more twisting halls and eventually back to their cell.

“We don’t have a lot of variety in the way of food. Just eat, you don’t have a choice.” The door clunked shut as Rowan left, leaving Critter in the dim box that was the cell.

Rowan returned a while later, carrying a wide, flat bowl with something that Critter wouldn’t ordinarily consider edible slumped in it. There was also a bucket of water, which they went for as soon as it was set down. They drank three quarters of it before Rowan pulled their face out. Critter squawked, wanting more water, they hadn’t drunk in who knows how long, but Rowan put them in front of the bowl.

“You’re going to want some of that left. The consequences for not eating aren’t good. If it actually poisons you he might switch it out with something that you can actually get down.” Rowan put their hands on their hips and waited.

Critter looked at the bowl. They weren’t sure what was in it, but it smelled like death. It was a mushy grey-brown pile with the only possibly recognizable things being little green specks that might’ve been parts of leaves. They got closer to it, maybe it wouldn’t be too bad. They assumed the other creatures here ate it, so it had to be edible. Critter scooped up a little with the tip of their beak, swallowing quickly but unable to avoid the taste. They’d never had anything like it. Was that meat in there? And something bitter and slightly floral, but that was an aftertaste. They backed up, unwilling to eat meat, if that’s what that was.

“You really don’t want to not eat.” Rowan firmly pushed their head back toward the bowl. Critter hesitated, thinking of possible punishments, then took a bigger bite. The taste wasn’t that bad, so maybe they could choke some of this down.

Then the texture hit. The smaller bite hadn’t given them a good idea of the texture, but it was slimy. There were small, gritty bits in there too, and they’d gotten a sharp piece of something that scratched the roof of their mouth. They choked it down, gagging, some of it dribbling out of their mouth as they coughed. Critter stuck their head back in the water bucket, finishing it off as they tried to erase the definitely not food from their mouth. Rowan let them, standing silently in the doorway. They finished the water, gulping in air, mouth still tasting of meat and bitter and their blood from the scratch.

“I’ll ask if we can get you something different.” Rowan picked up the bowl and the now empty bucket, leaving the cell. 

tags: @i-blame-my-love-of-whump-on-ryan @destielshipperkid @olidiavalree @muted-winchester @imagination1reality0 @adventuresofacreesty

let me know if I stuck you on the list by accident :)

“Depression; it’s wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It’s feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzingly numb.”

Video Out Tonight! 11/6/18 #PARALIZED
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp1t9_7F56w/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1902f2070msl3