TW: Vent Post

It’s that time of the year where my mother asks me why I don’t have a crush on anyone and asks why I never think about it and now I gotta be racked with guilt at the feeling of being different and bring grayace but knowing that there’s no point in trying to tell her bcuz you’ve tried to talk about the possibility of you being ace/arospec with her multiple times in the past but she just talks about your meds being the reason why I’m like this, which makes me feel even MORE guilty and scared bcuz 1) it feels like taking meds since I was in 4th grade made me broke and 2) I’m scared that she’s going to swap out my meds, even though they work, so she can “fix me.”

It’s not the terminology she uses. She doesn’t say I need to be fix and she listens to what I have to say, but that doesn’t matter when all I’m told is, “Give it more time”, “It’s just your meds”, “Maybe you need to socialize/get out more”, or she just tries to solve why I’m like this instead of just letting it be. Made worse by the fact that I’m a teenager and it feels so weird for someone to care about why a teenager doesn’t want to kiss or fuck anyone, especially when she tells me to turn off something when there’s even so much a tiny innuendo to sex…

That one it’s so over we’re so back chart but it’s going between “yeah I’m probably some kind of ace or aro or something” and “I NEED TO BE SOMEONE’S POOKIE I NEED A POOKIE SOMEONE HELP”

graysexual, bisexual, genderqueer

I wish I could kiss you the way you kiss me, without ever waiting for it to be over.

Lesbian Greyace

Report the sex bots as sexual content and everything else as spam.

EDIT: Eh, whatever. Listen to the wise elders who say to report everything as spam, but sex content DOES get removed from tumblr.

We have AplAroAce, but do we have something like Grayplrose? GrayAAA?

Bisexual, Demigirl, Greyace

Questioning my sexuality again (this is going to be a lifelong problem isn’t it) and I want to talk to my ace friend but I think she’s under the impression I’m totally ace bc I kinda accidentally implied that or she assumed and I didn’t correct her bc I hate dumping my confusion about my sexuality on new people but now we are friends and I do want to talk to her about it but I feel like she’ll feel like I’ve been lying up until now I hate everything

When I was growing up, I could imagine myself having a future yet, on reflection, it never felt like MY future. I was going to meet a girl, get married and we would have kids because that’s just what happened. Even when I was starting to figure out my queerness in my early twenties, thinking I was a bi man, I expected to eventually end up with a boyfriend. And because I was chasing this future, I couldn’t be content with what I had; indeed, I missed the actual opportunities that were right in front of me. There is a poignancy in wondering what would have happened if I had known I was aro grey-ace (and transfem) back then. But I do now and that’s what matters. I can’t change the past but I can live in the present. When I think about there not being a script for this type of life it can sometimes leave me feeling a bit adrift. What centres me is remembering that this life – a life being happily single, a life living by myself, a life surrounded by the love of great friends – feels like MY life and MY future.

I love being Greyace!!

I love it because, (even though there is a more defined definition for it), it describes my attraction perfectly: a confusing grey blob of attraction lol.

I contain acespec multitudes!! I can relate to so many acespec labels!! Aceflux? For sure! Demi? Indeed! Allo? Oh yeah i occasionally feel like it! Aego? Definitely for some things! Sex repulsed? Yup yup!

Anyways shout out to my follow acespecs! I love you! You are amazing!! <3

The Pride of June: Greyace

(We Like to keep it a little silly here on Hecateisalesbian)

The Grey Ace Flag is the Flag that describes someone whose sexual orientation is on the asexual spectrum, yet feel that there are parts of their experience that aren’t fully described by the word asexual. Greyasexual can be used as a specific identity, or as an umbrella term for any ace-spec identity that isn’t purely asexual, including demisexual and others. These people might experience sexual attraction only once in their life.

Fun History Fact: The concept of gray-asexuality developed in the early 2000s on the AVEN forums. In 2003, an AVEN member proposed the concept of “semisexuality,” naming a half-way point between being asexual and not. Later, in 2006, AVEN member KSpaz proposed the term “gray-a” to describe the “fuzzy” space in the asexual spectrum.

Tumblr User: @winter-socks

Media Character: Ally (Amphibia), Blitzo (Helluva Boss), Willow Park (The Owl House), Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Rick Sanchez (Rock And Morty), Mal (Descendants), Deadpool (Deadpool), Crowely (Supernatural), Klaus Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy), and Loki (Marvel Comics) are ALL Pansexual Characters!!

Why the colors? The Purple on the top represents asexuality and starting out with no sexual attraction, then the fade of Gray into White represents an episode of attraction with the white showing allosexuality, then fading back into being asexual.

Where can I find the calendar? The calendar is my pinned post on my blog @hecateisalesbian! This will be occurring all throughout June, and tags such as #The Pride of June and #PoJ Project can be used to find my post

Dehya telling me to smile for her.

I. Um.

I feel like I’m back at my first time realizing I’m attracted to anyone as long as I’m emotionally attached to them. And just. The giddiness.

“This smile will be our good luck charm!”

Dehya

Sit on my face please.

a thing I’m randomly really excited about:

💜🩶🤍🩶💜

I can make the greyace flag in emojis now 🥰

Lithromantic + Graysexual + Agender =

(Please read pinned post before interacting! <3)

Lithromantic - Someone who experiences romantic attraction to others, but loses it once it’s reciprocated.

Graysexual - Someone who experiences sexual attraction rarely.

Agender - Someone who identifies as genderless.

Demiromantic + Graysexual =

(Please read pinned post before interacting! <3)

Demiromantic - Someone who needs to form a deep emotional connection to someone before developing romantic attraction towards the person.

Graysexual - Someone who experiences sexual attraction rarely.

Aromantic + Graysexual =

(Please read pinned post before interacting! <3)

Aromantic - Someone who experiences little-to-no romantic attraction.

Graysexual - Someone who experiences sexual attraction rarely.

nobody:
absolutely nobody:
My brain out of nowhere: What if we’re ace and not grayace?

y’all remember that tinker bell pixie hollow shit where all the fairies do the thing where they find out what profession is best suited for them? yeah that should be how it is for sexuality because this shits too fucking complicated

like, first i think i’m bisexual and that takes me over a year of questioning my sexuality to find out and i’m like… so happy i finally have it figured out :)

but then my sexy, dumbass of a brain is like, but what if??

and i’m like god fucking damnit we’re not doing this again, for the last time i’m definitely not straight

and my brain is like, no no, we got that, but like. what if… asexuality spectrum??

what. no, thats not–

brain: :)

and after who knows how much longer spent questioning, i finally settle on biromantic gray asexuality

and i’m happy! like, that’s cool! i’m feeling all comfy and happy, but then a while later my brain rolls up again like, maybe not gray ace :)

please for the love of god not this again

brain: when was the last time you were sexually attracted to an actual, real life person?

me: sweating nervously (the answer is never)

and i really don’t feel like unpacking that because it took me so damn long to get to this point and i really just wish i could settle on something and not have any doubts about it, so i just try to ignore it for a while but then my brain rolls up again a few days ago like, what if… aromantic too?

and i’m like, no, that doesn’t even make sense, wtf???

and my brain says, whenever you imagine yourself in a real life scenario where there’s obvious flirting going on and the other person is clearly interested in you, and you know damn well that you’d be terrified and more than a little uncomfortable

and i’m like, but!! that’s just my anxiety!! checkmate!!

but then i realize that’s exactly what i used to think about sex before i realized that maybe i’m just not interested in sex…

and my brain asks, when was the last time you were romantically attracted to an actual, real life person?

like, early high school?

but like, were you? were you actually romantically attracted to them, or did you just want to, like, hug them and sleep in the same bed?

me: nervous sweating intensifies (the answer is that i don’t remember because my memory is garbage and i barely remember what i did yesterday let alone the details of how i felt about someone over 5 years ago and haven’t seen since)

so i don’t know what the truth is and how am i supposed to figure this shit out??

like don’t get me wrong i love being queer but i already feel like i don’t know anything about myself so it was comforting to have one even just one concrete thing that i could say about my identity

Life is… weird…

For the last 5(?) Years I’ve been identifying as gay, now I’m not really a label person nor am I one to represent my orientation publicly (I’ve always thought that if I had the choice I would go back into the closet) but in the recent months and especially after ending a relationship before it could take off I’ve been thinking about it. We all know that orientation is a spectrum, you can relate to many things but what you chose to identify as (publicly or privately) is entirely up to you. I took this into account with my pondering and it’s helped me realise something, no relationship I’ve had except for one, I haven’t enjoyed sex too much… like sure I’ll participate for the pleasure of my s/o and yeah that one relationship was fun once in a while, but it’s not a set craving, and to be honest, neither is a relationship unless I feel entirely bonded to the person. After doing research (and more pondering) it led me to asexuality and it’s umbrella of terms, and it’s beautiful. The fact that I can look at something like grayace and think ‘huh, that sounds right, really right’ and not spend a month after thinking I’m just trying to conform to a role in life is really cool! It make me happy that this generation can do something like that and it has this army of people willing to indulge the thought and help the questioning. This is really just a long winded way of saying I still identify as gay, but to be honest, grayace is probably going to be my main answer to “are you an alphabet cultist?” And that’s okay :)