Attempts to dismantle identification often become another subtle strategy of identification. The effort itself reinforces the one who is trying to escape. What actually transforms experience is not the reduction of bias or judgment, but clear recognition that bias and judgment are occurring. Awareness does not erase the movement of mind; awareness reveals it.
Mind evaluates. Mind categorizes.…
And it’s on me, again, to repair things
But would it really be so bad this time
If I just followed suit, did what I was told?
I wouldn’t want you at my funeral
Low budget boy I can’t stand
who you’ve become, you’ll never be
And more
The shards of my mental health along
The floor your raised arm ricochets
The neat lines I’d like to
draw onto myself my original grounding
Meditation would it be so bad
If I refused to build a bridge
Over the corpse of my self worth so we
Could break bread at the same table
Pretend over fragile polite conversation
What you broke so many years ago
You can brag turned out just fine
No posts for a while. There isn’t one today either actually. I simply felt the need to reach out, connect, write.
Blogging requires a continually refilling reservoir of ideas. And it is then necessary to reflect on those ideas (or at least one of them at a time) and then to commit them to paper – or screen.
And despite my, at times desperate longing to actually write a blog post and to share…
I’m feeling spiritless as I stand at the window, looking out at the world. There are people walking on the sidewalk down below. Many are alone, like me, but moving briskly towards destinations unknown. Others are in pairs or small groups, some talking and some not. The faster ones are passing the slower, sometimes even stepping off the sidewalk and into the street to complete the maneuver.
I pick out one person from the mass. He’s walking with a leisurely stride. What’s his story? I decide that he lives in the neighbourhood, in a building just like this one. I decide that he has a one-bedroom apartment that he shares with two cats and zero humans. I decide that he has just been at the library where he was perusing books on eighteenth-century philosophers. Obviously this is only a fantasy.
The Real You. Mammalian drives that directly contribute to survival and reproduction.
The seventh drive is sleep and neurological restoration. Mammalian brains require periodic shutdown states to restore metabolic balance, consolidate memory, and clear metabolic waste through the glymphatic system. Chronic sleep deprivation rapidly degrades cognitive and immune function.
The eighth drive is attachment and social bonding. Many mammals, especially primates, evolved as cooperative species. The brain rewards proximity, touch, and stable group relationships because isolation historically reduced survival chances.
The ninth important drive is status, territory, and resource security. Mammals compete for access to food, mates, and safety. Dominance hierarchies, reputation, and territory control are ways nervous systems manage that competition. This drive explains why humans are intensely sensitive to respect, humiliation, prestige, and rank.
What is important about these drives is that they operate largely below conscious narrative. A person can build philosophical systems about compassion, enlightenment, morality, or self-transcendence, but those narratives sit on top of these regulatory layers rather than replacing them. When a conflict occurs, the deeper biological system usually wins.
This is why many ideals collapse under pressure. They are often constructed as if the human organism were a rational machine, when in reality it is a biological system constantly balancing oxygen, energy, safety, reproduction, and social position.
Attachment and Manifestation: Why Holding On Too Tightly Pushes Your Desires Further Away
Attachment and Manifestation: Why Holding On Too Tightly Pushes Your Desires Further Away
Queen of Ravens, Page of Wands, Three of Pentacles
The Queen of Ravens (by Seven Dane Asmund) is one of my favorite cards in the Allyman’s tarot. It’s non-traditional, but ravens are so rich in metaphor that the card belongs in any modern deck. I see her as a saintly psychocomp. You are dead, and they are here to lead you into that darkness. It will be ok, they promise, besides, you don’t have a choice anyway. All the prayer, begging, anger, wrath, or love cannot overcome the simple fact that you will die. All your loved ones will die, and the day will come when there is nothing left of who you were. It is part of who you are, and you who will be, she says. Change is inevitable, and it is as much a part of you as anything else. She is reversed, and so, for now, that understanding, that cold acceptance is gone.
The Page of Wands (Lubanko Tarot) is beautiful in their youth and drive. All the passion, all the love, is right here for the taking. Mistakes will be made, but they have to try. To truly do something great, you will invariably make mistakes. But does that really matter? You can see they are looking at the Queen, and for now, the reversals say their passions are cooled.
The Three of Pentacles (Lisa Sterle) has already visited, but they have returned. Perhaps they offer a way out of my dour mood. The card hints at the unity of the body, brain, and spirit. All three are represented here, and they are working toward building a skill, craft, or art. Something unique is made when different aspects of your life come together. The Three asks you what you need to begin again. What expertise, drive, or inspiration will help?
The Queen, again, asks us what we need to do to accept change. Is there something we are holding on to for too long? What do we need to let go of? The consequence of that attachment is killing our passions. It takes energy to hold on to something longer than you should—to not accept the natural order—and that energy has to come from somewhere. The Three, perhaps, offers a way out and suggestions on how to move forward. The Three asks you to know what you need and what you can bring, and this will allow you to come together with other aspects of your life (friends, pieces of yourself) and move forward, and help others move forward.
Me and my boyfriend is in 2 months LDR, and it kinda get a bit rocky now.
I have anxious attachment and also borderline personality trait (yes, i was professionally diagnosed by a psychiatrist) and it can get very bad to the point it almost ruined our relationship. last night we had an argument, because instead of talking to him about what i feel, i avoid it and suppressed my needs. then i resent him for it and became drier in our text and repost sad tiktoks. the reason is because i don’t want to burden him or be “too much” with my overthink.
we already resolved our argument and i promise to “fix” myself so that these problems won’t occur again.
i knew i have to overcome my attachment for myself and my partner, but i wonder how do people love each other without feel some sort of attachment to them? how do you detach but still holds the feeling for your partner? does detachment means you love your partner less? i need some insights.
These are excellent questions to go through with your therapist.
Hard trauma conversation… One primary difference in the attachment trauma world, comes down to those who are able to develop an attachment to self. Hear me out.
Early in life, attachment starts with mirroring from parent to child. When this doesn’t happen successfully, for various reasons usually attributed to the parent’s mental health or disrupted parenting (aka adoption or fostering during those early years). Research tells us that if a child has even ONE healthy attachment figure who consistently mirrors worth and right to self-determination, they have good chances at being able to develop earned secure attachment down the road—even if raised in a trauma environment.
But as we age, the responsibility shifts to us to root into the knowing of who we are. Does that ever really end? No, life is a journey, but the first 20-30 years of life are massive explorations of self. So some of us may be likely to post all kinds of shit about self, as we engage with psych tests or astrology or groups of belonging. For some of us, this expands our inner awareness of self. But for some, they get stuck in this stage, ever changing and trying on new labels of identity, but nothing really sticks. And without an established early self worth, we struggle with boundaries and allowing people into our lives who aren’t safe. And since we tend to repeat trauma patterns until we learn, we accept the new peoples view of us, and their perspectives become our mirror of self. Whereas those who had seeds planted early of self worth may still struggle with boundaries at times, but they always circle back to knowing they deserve better.
Can we still shift in these areas in older years? Thankfully, yes. But it’s really hard work, and we have to be willing to do it. It requires changes in boundaries and who we allow to be our mirrors. It requires delving into self and removing the influence of those who do not value us. And looking in our own trauma-filled mirrors can be dark. But we have to bring the light. Even just a tiny birthday candle will do. And we have to shift the voices in our heads, because they usually sound like those previous mirrors.
You cannot heal if you take on the images of your bullies.
You cannot heal if you do not believe in the intrinsic worth of humankind, as you are such.
As adults, we get to decide the mirrors around us. You must learn to choose wisely. You must start with you. ❤️🔥
Why Your Attachment Is Blocking Your Manifestation (And How to Let Go)
Why Your Attachment Is Blocking Your Manifestation (And How to Let Go)
Joy cannot be sought and it cannot be conquered. To make joy my intentional goal will not bring it to me any faster. Trying to control my actions in order to reach joy will not succeed, for joy is not something that can be controlled.
I cannot directly choose joy for myself in this moment or in any moment. Joy ignores my intentions just as it ignores any effort to keep it. I cannot choose joy any more than I can refuse it. Joy arrives on its own and when it arrives I must experience it. I get it whether I want it or not, for joy has nothing to do with want.
Joy is not something I do, but it does arise from action. I cannot reach joy by living passively. But not just any action will bring joy, and an action that once brought joy might not bring it again. The action that brought joy yesterday might only bring suffering today. Equally, an action that brought great suffering before might now bring incredible joy.
did you forget me already? so easily? i’m sorry if i was too much for you to deal with. you were everything i saw i needed from my cage, and when i was set free i came for you too fast, that’s all.
