ADHD and social anxiety is the worst because what do you mean I cry when I have to ask a stranger a question and I can’t learn anything no matter how hard I try?
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“One of the great challenges of living in a fully materialistic world is recognizing that most people either don’t care — or aren’t even aware — that a parallel reality exists. Consciousness is proof of it. When you expand the power of your consciousness, fear dissolves. With fear gone, your ability to observe deepens. As observation grows sharper, you see that everything is ultimately illusion — and that you truly have no power to change anything. In that seeing comes real understanding, and with it, a profound and complete peace and contentment.”
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one of the loser-ist storys ill ever tell that i remembered cause i sneezed
so… i started watching anime in the summer after 6th grade (maybe mid 6th grade, i forget it was all kinda a blur) in that time i also got into kpop. and i was obsessed, to say the least
[[MORE]]I was the worst kind of fan, i stanned 4 felix from skz cause i thought he was hot and started learning korean too. I scrolled online for ‘kawaii’ aesthetic pictures. i changed everything cause i wanted it to be more 'japanese super sugoi’ it was horrible. (so glad i didnt know rcta back than cause i 100% would have, i was doing clothespins on my eyes cause i wanted to be more asian. im telling you it was BAAADDDD)i desperately wanted to **become** an anime girl. i changed my casual mannerisms to be cuter, wore skirts more often, grew out my hair and got 'waterfall bangs’ but…. (and this is where it gets evil) while changing my mannerisms to be cuter… i changed how my voice sounded, used the cuter emojis blah blah.. but i also… TRAINED MYSELF to sound like an anime girl. when i sneezed. the weird ass fucking sneeze where it sounds like youre whimper-moaning. i TRAINED MYSELF TO WHIMPER-MOAN SNEEZE…… so as time passed i grew out of that phase and now have a more normal, healthy appreciation of anime, kpop, japan, and all of the culture surrounding the three….. however….. THE FUCKING WHIMPER-MOAN SNEEZE WONT GO AWAY. no matter how hard i try to repress it, no matter how different i try to sound, trying to retrain my reactions…. IT WONT FUCKING STOP. i dont know what to do at this point. every time i sneeze around someone new i have to either sit there and let them give me the weirdest fucking stare ever, or embarrassingly explain that i taught myself to sneeze like an anime girl when i was in my asia glazing phase, and honestly i dont know which is worse.
i have to try to supress my sneezes when i feel one coming on in public, but thats also bad, cause my go to is plugging my nose and whispering the word 'asparagus’ over and over till it goes away and then pursing my lips for 12 seconds (idk man thats what my mom always said) or just let people hear me sneeze like a FUCKING loser.
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BA33554432
N1BA 33554432 is 1728(davvag)..1,11,12,21,22,31,32, 41,42,51,52,61,62,71,72,81,82,91,92,101,102,111,112,121,122,131…(a fisherman)
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Rita Mestokosho - On the road again
ON THE ROAD AGAIN 4
La seule vitesse qui existen’existe pas en réalitécar les routes sont éternelles.Elles sont infiniment bellesles routes du Nordles routes de la merles routes du ciel.
Seuls nos pas se retrouventà travers la grandeur de notre quête.Je pars de la ligne de départqui est moi-même.Je parcours des distances incroyablespour me retrouver moi-même.La ligne de départ ne s’annonce…
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John J. Kaag explores in Hiking with Nietzsche: On Becoming Who You Are, a masterwork of poetic scholarship, part contemplative memoir concerned with the most fundamental question of human life: What gives our existence meaning?
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Its not that pokemon is or isnt real. Its that the real magic that brings pokemon to life is the natural interactions animals have while also doubling with fun metaphors of enhancing ones ability, and growing your potential.
Its not perfect, but it taught me how to invest your energy into what youve got so that it can someday grow to be better
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beautiful boring, unique mundane life. it just *is.* it’s effortless, because it’s everything we’re doing no matter what we decide. we are doing this. now. right now.
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BA 16777216
N1BA 16777216 is 1597(ganzak)..1,11,12,21,22,31,32, 41,42,51,52,61,62,71,72,81,82,91,92,101,102,111,112,121,122…(treasury)
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I Slipped Up on my Internet Restrictions
Today’s post is going to be another spilled thoughts post. I’m going to write about a recent slip-up I had with my internet restrictions and the struggles that came from it.
Previously, I posted about the attention economy. If you haven’t read that, here is the link: https://www.tumblr.com/curiousbluefox/807748343999627264/lets-talk-about-the-attention-economy
In this post, I detailed how I am using a browser extension and an app on my phone to restrict my access to social media. Recently, though, I slipped up with this and allowed myself to consume a lot of media, which I shouldn’t have. Honestly, though, it was eye-opening for me how much of a difference it made in my day to day life. I ended up watching more videos that I’d say were pointless and consuming a lot of random content online for a period of time. This resulted in me going from doing what I wanted to do and writing / researching to learn new things and enjoying it, to not wanting to do those things because they felt slow and boring. Within a week, I was able to observe in real time as my attention span shifted in a way that made it more difficult to start and take my time with reading and game development.
I’ve honestly been stressing a bit about what I wanted to write about for this blog post, because the past week hasn’t been quite what I expected it to be. That being said, it did result in me having this to share, which I think is valuable in its own way. I think it’s really hard to pull away from media and things, because it’s all designed to really suck you in. Especially short-form content. Once I got sucked in, even for just a few days, it negatively affected other things in my life, as it made things feel more monotonous than they previously felt. I’m speaking from my own experience here, and not everyone is the same, but for me, I think this really did solidify that I need to stay on this path of minimizing my exposure to social media.
With that said, though, I have wanted to find a way to still allow some social media suggestions at times, but without going too far. The reality is that allowing suggestions from sites like YouTube can result in stumbling into useful content or ideas that you otherwise may not have found or thought of. Yet allowing these suggested videos can also result in consuming content that feels like it’s shortening my attention span, since videos tend to have a lot happening in a short time frame. It starts to rewire your brain to expect quick dopamine rather than a more natural level of it.
This experience I went through now also makes the idea of allowing some suggestions trickier for me, because it was very easy for me to spiral into just watching a lot of content and not really doing anything. I think I’ll figure it out in time, but I’ll have to experiment with some things. I’m sure I’ll revisit this topic over the rest of this year as I try new things and experiment.
I considered skipping this week and making another small post stating that. But I’m really glad that I decided to sit down and start writing this post to see where it takes me. I don’t think this is a great post or anything, but I felt better after writing it, and I think there’s a chance someone out there can relate to feeling how internet usage is impacting them. I also think this is in line with one of my goals for this blog, which is to document my own journey of working through my issues.
I find that there are many resources that document approaches that have worked to help fix various issues, or people going out and speaking about them. But I always felt like these lacked something, and I feel like what a lot of things lack is a demonstration of how much time and effort those fixes take to work. The reality is that many deep-rooted issues take a long time and require trialing different approaches to fix. That’s why I decided to create this blog, as I hope it can develop into my own history, showing that these things take time, but if you give them time, you can arrive at the destination you desire. I firmly believe this, and I hope to prove it in time.
This post is probably my least thought-out post so far, and there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to post it because of that. But I have always been one to run away from things, and I decided at the end of last year that I wouldn’t do that anymore. But this is where I’m going to cut it for now. I’m currently getting back into the flow of things, and I’m being stricter with my restrictions for now to reset myself before I go back to the drawing board on whether I want to try allowing some more things to be unrestricted. As usual, feel free to leave a comment or message me if you want to discuss any topics I’ve written about. I look forward to continuing to share my journey and research as I go through life.
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Sometimes Useful And Sometimes Deadly
The difference between useful and dangerous narratives usually lies in how rigidly they claim truth. A scientific model says, in effect that
“This explanation works under certain conditions, and it may change when better evidence appears.” A religious or spiritual narrative often says that“This explanation reveals the ultimate structure of existence.”
The first position remains open to revision. The second tends to close the door to correction. This is why people can still attend lectures, read philosophy, or listen to spiritual teachers without necessarily believing that the story presented is literally true. For some listeners it functions more like intellectual exploration than belief.
The difficulty appears when the narrative is treated as ontological certainty, this is, when a metaphor about life becomes a claim about the structure of the universe. At that point the story stops being a tool and starts behaving like a doctrine.
There is also a deeper irony here. Even the claim “no human narration is true” is itself a narrative about the limits of knowledge. Philosophers have spent centuries pointing out that complete skepticism cannot fully escape this paradox. Humans are trapped in a peculiar position, we must use language and models to understand the world, but those models can never completely coincide with what they describe.
So the sober stance is not necessarily to reject all narratives. It is to treat them as provisional instruments rather than final truths. A narrative can illuminate something, organize experience, or help someone endure suffering. But it becomes misleading the moment it claims to reveal the ultimate architecture of reality. The brain produces stories because it cannot operate without them. The problem begins when the story forgets that it is a story.
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I tell Thee that man is tormented by no greater anxiety than to find someone quickly to whom he can hand over that gift of freedom with which the ill-fated creatures is born.
– The Grand Inquisitor (Brothers Karamazov, Dostoevsky)
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the world’s falling apart and i still haven’t grasped the entirety of this life :(
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Existence is crazy cause what do you mean some random chemical strand a billion years ago got surrounded by another random chemical strand, and that made it gain consciousness?! 🤨
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Omg my night life is really just
Like first I’m staying at a homeless sleep shelter (Not what I’m annoyed about tbh), now I’m trying to sleep at freaking 8:43pm when I normally sleep at 4-5am and sleep until 1-2pm.
Now I’m trying to help myself along to sleep by taking a relaxing edible 🤌, as one does. I grabbed it while on a 20 minute walk when they let us out for a bit while keeping our stuff in lockers, normally we have to take all our stuff whenever we wanna go out. Which is a hassle so I jumped on the chance to go out for a bit.
While I was out, me and this other girl I asked to come with me for a walk, went to a cannabis store and a convenience store called ‘Whyte Mart(? Idk Seams racist)’. She got nothing at both places just wanted to go for a walk, and I wanted to socialize while having someone come with me since it getting dark.
On the way back and all the way to us sitting on a bench chatting before we got to go in, I was just thinking in the back of my mind about the snacks and pop I got-
☝️ One coke since earlier when I woke up a bit late for dinner everyone else was having a can of coke and I had to grab the leftover Pepsi Zero 💔 I don’t even like Pepsi compared to how I love coke, it being a Zero just made it worse on top of that.
✌️A singular hot rod. (Not proud of this, made me feel poor 😔)
💅 And a box of chocolate covered raisins ofc
-and how I’ll have to have a race to eat everything before we go back inside in 5 minutes.
And I was absolutely right in worrying about my gas station treats, now I’m stuck in bed while having the munchies just thinking about my box of chocolate covered raisins & coke in my locker.
It’s chill tho
