Why even is my heart still pumping

What a massive mistake it was for us to let AI become bigger.

pro tip two caffeine chocolates and ritalin in the span of under 20 minutes at 9pm is not the wisest decision if you want to feel like your body works

im sorry

Omgggggg why did I do that😭🪽

Diane Schuur - Cry Me A River

A.I. Regrets.

Oh godddd..

okay i feel like asshole, i just. Fuck I was so mean to that guy I ghosted, I should apologize. i was so mean to him I can’t sleep because of it. Might do it tomorrow, the guilt’s killing me.

Never listen to “Goodbye to a world” by Porter Robinson if your playing/ thinking of/ creating a scene of a character your attatched to slowly dieing in your head. You will ugly cry. Hard. My eyes burn TT

“The Absence of You.” - by Solren. (A memoir)

I grew up thinking that my father would never come back home. Even before the day I was born, he had already been going abroad to support us financially, which basically meant that he had been absent ever since then. One might even ask, “Why is it such a big deal to you? It’s not that bad, isn’t it?” To me, it has a huge impact in my life. This is my father that we’re talking about. Not yours. Every year, I kept waiting for his arrival. I even dreamt that he was finally back home without him ever having to leave us again. It came to the point that I repeatedly asked my mother when he would be back, even though I already knew that there was no hope. 

Back then, I was still so young. Like every child, I would ramble about my day and the toys I want him to buy for me whenever he would call my mother on the phone. For me, I never knew that the closeness that we had would slowly drift away one day that would create a huge gap between us. As I grew older, now a grade 6 student, I started ignoring his messages and his calls for no reason at all. There were times where I’d see him send me a message saying why I did not want to answer his calls or what I was even doing. Till this day, I still regret the actions that I had done and realized how selfish I was. It still haunts me, and I still can’t forgive myself for treating my own father like that. He gave me everything, I gave him nothing. 

My father, Arnel, is a good man. He had been through a lot, and he swore that he’d never let his family experience the life he had. He sacrificed his life to work just to feed him and my mother before having the three of us. My father made sure that we would have the best life without any ounce of the feeling of being poor. Despite what happened to him, he was a hero in my eyes. However, that loneliness still lingered in my heart. He left a void within me that I continued to fill with reassurances, but somehow, it doesn’t disappear. Every foundation day, every family day, I’d stand alone looking at the crowd, hoping to at least see a glimpse of a parent that would support me. No one ever came for me. My mother was too busy, my eldest sister is a PWD, my other sister is studying, and lastly, my father is not in the country. This cycle repeated for what seemed like forever throughout my elementary days yet it still hurts me every time. 

Though, now that he’s back home with us and is now a retired man, I tried to reconnect with him by talking to him and spending time with him. Unfortunately, the distance between us seemed to get larger day by day even if I had tried everything I could. Sure, I love him, but that didn’t mean that we were that close unlike before. At least that’s what I chose to think because I know that isn’t true and that I am just too upset and selfish. I guess I am too prideful to own up to my own actions. I wouldn’t say that I’m a good person, nor am I a bad person. This is just the result of a daughter who grew up without the presence of her own father. 

I destroyed my voice I’ll never be able to sing again I will be disgusting forever I’m disgusting I’ll never be able to sing again I’ll never be able to sing again I’ll never be able to sing ever again I’m worthless I’m disgusting why am I so disgusting I’m ashamed I’m ashamed I’m transphobic I’m disgusting I’m disgusting I’m worthless I’m worthless I’m worthless I’m worthless I’m unlovable I’m disgusting I’m disgusting I’m disgusting I’m disgusting

Fandom culture has been a experience that distracted me and made me feel further away from God’s purpose

I feel so so regretful for wasting so much of my time

i hope anyone in this website can maybe realize although rest and fun are important, they are not what we live for,

please, to any who can, analyse yourselves and realize what God wants for and from you

Let the holy spirit act in you, and believe God’s promise and Jesus’ sacrifice