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Working well
Working well
Saying no can be difficult for some people, but setting boundaries can improve health
- Ottawa Citizen | You
- 3 Mar 2025
- CATHY BUSSEWITZ || The Associated Press
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NEW YORK Justin Stewart poured himself into his full-time role as a news show production assistant from 3 a.m. until noon. Then he rushed to the airport where he rented cars or to the big box stores where he pulled retail shifts. Then he was hospitalized for exhaustion and a staph infection.
“The doctor said, `I don’t know what lifestyle you’re living, but you’re too young to be this stressed. You’re going to have to quit something.‘”
Stewart, now 36, began setting boundaries. He gave up the side jobs. If people texted him after-hours, he told them where else to call.
Many people find it difficult to say no, especially to a manager. Some get a sense of satisfaction from being needed or pleasing others. Learning to turn down a request or invitation is essential for protecting our physical and mental health, experts say. And drawing boundaries gets easier with practice. Experts in well-being and organizational behaviour, along with other workers, shared strategies for setting limits.
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SCHEDULE AGGRESSIVELY
Adding tasks to your calendar may seem counterintuitive if scaling back is the goal, but can provide more control over your time.
Bobby Dutton, founder of event production company GBM6, uses a technique he calls “aggressive calendering.”
He schedules the task he’s most likely to procrastinate on, such as handling contracts and invoices, for every Monday at 2 p.m. He also books time for recurring routine tasks like making coffee, walking the dog and eating lunch.
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WRITE A SCRIPT
If you’re unaccustomed to saying no, write down what you’re going to say beforehand and rehearse it. Stewart worked on letting colleagues know when his assignment load began feeling too heavy with phrases like “Hey, this is a lot for me.”
Cara Houser, a workplace engagement coach, says you don’t have to explain yourself when declining a request. Say you’re not available at that time, followed by “Thanks for asking, and I hope to have more capacity next time.”
If the recipient of your “no” tries to argue, you can respond, “I hear you feel that way. But for me, this is what I’ve decided to do for that day,” Houser said.
Entrepreneur Amber Krasinski grew up in a working-class environment where saying no to a boss could mean losing a paycheque. As the founder of marketing company Ivyhill Strategies, Krasinski worries she’ll lose clients if she turns down a project. “Not yet” is her goto phrase. “That phrase has helped me through a lot of situations.”
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KNOW YOUR LIMITS
When faced with a new work request, take five minutes to assess your workload, energy level and priorities before responding, suggests Israa Nasir, a psychotherapist.
A former boss frequently texted questions to her at 10 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays. “I didn’t say, `Don’t text me.’ I said, `Can we check in on Fridays before the weekend? Then I can plan my time accordingly.'”
Pay attention to the activities and interactions that leave you feeling drained or overwhelmed, Nasir said.
Put those kinds of events on a “No List.” The list doesn’t mean you decline every time, but don’t say yes right away.
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HARNESS TECHNOLOGY
Mobile devices make it harder to draw boundaries. Adjust your devices so they’re less distracting.
After noticing she checked email far too frequently on weekends, Nasir starting moving the Gmail app from her iphone’s home page to the second page from Friday night to Sunday night. Use email signature to manage expectations, by publishing working hours or upcoming vacation schedules, said Candice Pokk, a consultant in organizational effectiveness at Segal.
Pokk includes a “well-being notice” at the bottom of her emails which reads, “Receiving this email outside normal working hours? Managing a work-life balance is unique for everyone. I have sent this email at a time that works for me. Please respond at a time that works for you.”
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CHOOSE MEETINGS WISELY
With the popularity of online meeting software, it’s easy for others to overload your calendar with invitations. Accepting every one can leave little time for other work. Janine Pelosi, CEO of video technology company Neat, thinks workers should be able to leave a meeting that’s not relevant to them, if it’s an environment where that’s accepted.
If you’re unsure about a meeting’s value, request an agenda in advance, or ask what is the desired outcome.
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GIVE A TIME FRAME
Publisher Lori Perkins, 65, was working 12 to 16 hours daily when a cancer diagnosis halted her routine.
During chemotherapy, she could only muster up enough energy to put in four hours a day, and even then felt like she was working “in a vat of molasses.”
After treatment, “I realized I was going to live, and then I said to myself, `Do I want to continue doing this?'” Perkins said.
She now caps her work as owner of Riverdale Avenue Books at about 50 hours per week, and as a result can’t review as many manuscripts. Instead of sending rejection letters, she tells authors to come back in three to six months when it’s less hectic.
She practises saying “no” in her head and in her journal, where she also chronicles what happened after she said it. She’s gained time to visit museums, friends and the theatre.
“`No’ changed my life,” Perkins said. “I am a different person than I was before I really learned to embrace `no.'”
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( ^ Imposing realistic boundaries in both your personal and work lives has the added benefit of making you more productive in the long run. ANNIE NG ILLUSTRATION/THE ASSOCIATED PRESS)
