What Shrinking Gets Right About Disclosing a Diagnosis
Paul “Did Jimmy tell you have Parkinson’s?”
Sean “No, he didn’t. That sucks.“
Paul “Yeah, it’s not my favorite. So you know about it. This smuck knows about it, but I haven’t been able to tell my own daughter.”
Sean: Why not?
Paul: I’m scared, I’m afraid she won’t see me like she used to. Won’t be just her father, I’ll be this sad old man that needs to be taken care of. I know it’s bullshit, but I’m stuck.”
Season 1 Episode 5 Shrinking
The Fear in Changing Perceptions
Photo by Felirbe from Unsplash
Being scared of perception changes after confiding in anything personal, such as a disease/diagnosis, sexuality, or gender identity.
All of it hinges on feelings and reactions from those around you. The person who comes out and shares doesn’t control others.
Which makes it scary not to know, but to have a general experience that builds a foundation for assuming others will pity you and never see you the same after that. People need a community to fulfill social and emotional needs.
Personal Reflection
The experiences of elderly people acquiring a diagnosis of Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s are different from having a diagnosis since birth.
There are commonalities, like people pitying you and not wanting to be around you “just because” of one thing about you. Because everyone wants to live their own life doing what they can with condescension.
Elderly people may have lived their lives in a mindset of fear of disablement. The person and their diagnosis shape the experience of living with a diagnosis in many ways.
I am not familiar with progressive conditions myself. I have seen grandparents go through dementia and become dependent on oxygen and canes or walkers. Which are devices not exclusively for old people? The adjustment to the new equipment I went through when I got my wheelchair. Shrinking is showing the progression of Parkinson’s disease.
Photo by Jordy Muñoz from Unsplash
From the Experts: People with First-Hand Experiences
From r/shrinking or Reddit;
Mean-Lynx6476 “At this point, PD is mostly looming on the horizon for Paul, but with medication and appropriate diet and exercise, it’s not impacting his quality of life terribly drastically beyond how just plain ol’ being old impacts quality of life.
Although he’s certainly dealing with some of the physical issues, at this point, it’s the psychological impact of knowing what’s ahead that impacts him the most. And that’s not a trivial impact at all, but it’s largely invisible.”
The real-life experience of being diagnosed with Parkinson’s comes from Emma Lawton in a Ted Talk.
The doctor said,
“It could be Parkinson’s disease, it could be Huntington’s disease, or it could be Wilson’s disease’. And in the weirdest thing that anyone’s probably ever thought,
I was rooting for Parkinson’s, because the other ones you die from, and I wasn’t ready to die.” (Emma Lawton, TEDxSquareMile)
Parkinson’s more often affects men than women, which puts her in the minority. Death is a legitimate reason to root against things that have that possibility.
But it doesn’t actually change the physical treatments or other interventions needed to happen to prolong life when it is that kind of diagnosis.
And as a condition’s symptoms, like tremors or spasms, are defined, the reason you’re having them can make it a more concrete problem to solve.
“[29.04.2013] This was eventually my diagnosis date. It took a little while to get there, but it was actually a day that, for me, was a day of decisiveness
“I know it breaks their heart to hear Parkinson’s. And people would let me do nothing with Parkinson’s as a reason” (Emma Lawton, 2017 TEDxSquareMile)
Breaking someone’s heart because of your set of circumstances is where pity first enters the conversation.
“The end of my life’s going to be hard. And I can either be a self-pitying shithead, or I can suck the marrow out of what’s left of this amazing life. No more living in me land.”
This realization from Paul is a progression in how he comes to terms with Parkinson’s and moves beyond assumptions about how he sees himself, as others do. And the real growth and point people have a hard time with is finally asking for help, without the thought that it’s all pity, and the last thing you want is to lose independence in your own life. “ I need a favor to keep me in check, you see me sinking, pull me up.”
References
Goldstein, B., Segal, J., & Lawrence, B. (Producers). (2023). Shrinking [TV series]. Apple TV.
Lawton, E., & TedxSquareMile. (2017, June 30). What Parkinson’s Taught Me [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs-vPqfsO0Q
[Mean-Lynx6476].Parkinson’s & your experience [Reddit]. (2024, December 12). r/shrinking. https://www.reddit.com/r/shrinking/comments/1hcfihj/parkinsons_your_experience/