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Nobody told me this…

When you love someone, you get greedy.

Movies are so nice…they romanticized everything.

No one will ever tell you how hard it is… how tiring is…

How long distance love will ever be…

Love,

🌹🕊️

I carry in my mouth the taste of an unusual nostalgia, made of careful attentions, nerdy gifts, and those nights in a cold room, wrapped under a wool blanket, imagining a future that was never born.

“Ok autumn,” I inhale a breath laden with the disappointment of a decade of autumns gone wrong before this, and exhale at the foot of September with the relentless hope of an undefeated spirit, “I’m ready.”

This romanticized life

Is hell on the other side

Who knew denying myself

Would mean I would find

Life

She understood that pain isn’t therapeutic, cathartic, redemptive. Not in actual life.

Joyce Carol Oates, from The Falls

The Burnabys were a romantic couple like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. When one entered a room in which the other waited, you could hear dance music begin.

Joyce Carol Oates, from The Falls

‘You want some sort of drama now, you want an ordeal of some kind, you don’t want to suffer in a dull way … ’

Iris Murdoch, from A Fairly Honourable Defeat

i 🫶🏻 fall

Hi guys , I’m currently writing an research paper on how mental illness is romanticized on the internet especially tumblr if you have made experience with that please put that in the comments of text me privately I really need help

16th of feb 2021

worlds apart but there is art

u leave, i come

u sing, i paint

u talk, i write

u know me, but as stranger

u make me long for what is u

u bow to my disapproval

u come, i leave

u write, i talk

u paint, i sing,

and so,

time passing

our words around the ear

and so,

the music plays

us both dancing to it.

context: romanticising the romaticised image of someone, more often than not, will manifest itself into existence.

The way women’s sacrifices and oppression is romanticozed is so sickening that if you ask a man about how he thinks of that and if he thinks his own mother was treated unjustly they’d proudly say how proud are they if their moms and that she’s strong and did everything she could… Ask them again if they think women should have rights and they will definitely say if my mom was able to push through it then all of women can and just as my mother suffered and succeeded then why not everyone else!! Which is so bizzare.. Because if you ask any sane logical woman she’d definitely say she wouldn’t want to go through the same experiences and hardships (even if that might change who she is today.. They want to erase that part of sadness and hardships from their memories).. Ofc women love their sons unconditionally.. But to tell a mother that her own son thinks that she is beautiful and that her experiences even the bad ones are the reason she’s so kind today and living to her family is heartbreaking.. I mean you’d think that your son would want to erase all the bad parts of your history and make you re-live by the best version of your life but here he is.. Thinking you’re the exception..too stingy and unfair to think that your sacrifices and tears and hardships were a beautiful journey to be celebrated instead of ending it right here and generalizing it over the entirety of the womanhood experience (that Is women suffer and sacrifice much more than men in similar situations).. How wome gave up on their careers.. On their dreams.. On not wanting to have another pregnancy and childbirth.. On denied health care for (for example only) mental disorders and depression (until very recently post partum depression was taken seriously even though in some countries it’s still not unfortunately)…

Ask women if they think equality should be applied to men and women and what they think of women’s rights and what so not.. And they’ll be divided into 2 groups A and B

A) Which is the logical and progressive group will say what I went through was unfair and no woman or any human there is should go through this.. I’d like to make a better future for my girls and future women because my experiences/my mother’s were horrible

B ) women indoctrinated by men who are bred and raised that your entire existence should be for the service of the men and the community in general.. That the unfair hardships are part of your becoming of age necessity ..Part of your passing through to adulthood..

And they would claim that women of this age are spoiled brats who want nothing but comfort and careers and to kill their own lord’s gifts of life which are babies??? They’re so brainwashed and oblivious to what freedom is.. To what a better future means for them.. So selfish that they can’t see that the oppression of other women is equated and will reflect again on them..on their daughters that they love so dearly..

Let them answer anonymously questions asked about what they want for their daughters vs what they want for other women and hear their different perspectives.. Most definitely they’ll want the best, most comfortable, upto princess spoiled brats level for their daughters…

And on the other hand they want other OTHER women to go through what they went through to make them stronger and shape them In a way that is efficient for raising a family.. For being submessive to their husbands.. To be patient and to listen more than talk.. To pray for their husbands’ kindness and change of heart so they won’t beat them up daily in their homes..

They would NEVER want such sacrifices to be made by their daughters… But must be done by their daughters in law..

Men will forever be against woman’s right because it makes it harder for them to exist as freely and without consequences for their shortcomings (with exceptions ofc).. But even a righteous man in an unjust society that has rules and commodities to serve his selfish purposes would eventually give in to the easy choice… Why fight for women to exist and compete with me when I can simply not care and push them far aside and allow my success to flourish and my freedom to be expressed as I would like..

I mean even for us as women.. If the tables were turned and we’ve been in control for thousands of years.. Would we ever want a change.. Would we go out of our ways to help the less fortunate so they can flourish as we are??

Humans are selfish.. And short-sighted..greedy and possibly evil by nature.

If we don’t keep these raw feelings and fantasies in check (as a sign of modernization at least) then why even bother to exist at all??

What difference exists between us and animals who kill for dominance and territory??

Absolutely nothing.

Fighting and humbling our innate evil unchecked emotions is what makes us human in the proper way in my opinion.

I know I could be generalizing but i see this everyday in my workplace environment, in my friends groups, stories I hear from relatives.. The discrepancy between what women want for their daughters and their relentless hatred towards other women and I can’t help but pity how someone could be so brainwashed by generations of oppression to think it’s the normal to feel that way..

The way men and boys romanticize their loved family women’s sacrifices and unfair treatment to make it like a martyr stroy to be told proudly instead of warning others to help yourselves before you get sucked into the spiral of being just like my mother who I love dearly but I wouldn’t want her or any other woman to live through this again or at all..

There’s no fine line or a grey area to stand on literally wanting equal rights and freedom between men and women.

You can’t say I beg to differ… There’s no space for this.. Standing on the side lines because you’re not affected by the oppression right now doesn’t mean your an ally or patient to make up your mind.. It means you’re served currently and aware of the oppression but too scared to speak up or else your fragile seemingly proper few rights you’re exercising right now will be taken away.. Or your simply so selfish that you wouldn’t want iters to exits as humanly as you are… You enjoy the power of this unfair situation…

That’s why fighting for this (for other women.. For all women) is a must.. Because I could be next… My daughter could be next… My sister.. My friend..

I can’t wait for this (abuse) to heppen and then try my best to go around laws so I can have my basic human right.. It should be already in the law… It should be written to serve me 1st… To make it harder for anyone to break it in the 1st place so I’d try to get help later.

I dunno if this matters or not.. But I wanted to get this of my chest.

My lips and fingers were pens on her flesh. I memorized her in every alphabet and memorized my memories until they multiplied.

Stay around please because one day you get the chance to own your own house and you’ll get to decorate it however you want, singing on the top of your lungs because you don’t have to worry about anyone else. One day you’ll be able to wear whatever you want and cut and dye your hair if you want in which ever way you please and you one day can be yourself and it’s gonna be great so please stick around

the more things and people we find to love, the more it appears we have of it to give. there’s something limitless about it

I can romanticize the fuck out of anything

morning light, morning swim.

i’ve found that i love subways, but only one part of them. i love going on subways with people you love. it’s the sitting close. and the pressing arms together. and the speaking close to be heard over the train noises. and the head leaning on shoulder thing. and hhhhhhh

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