#i’m not sure

Girl I’m not doing so great

hey so yk when you’re younger, but ur creative, right, and you make ocs that don’t make sense (especially if they’re part of a canon) and you look back and you’re like now wait I think I was on to something and now with your matured artistic abilities you also look back and take your crap old art as a challenge and re-make the cringy oc?

Being into cottagecore and baking is wild- one second I’m reading someone’s recipe for a blueberry sourdough bread or something and the next post goes: “My husband beats me and here’s why that’s great!!”

Anyways

How…immoral would it be of me to say I’m H.I.V positive after every time someone asks me if I’m sure?

anyone else ever just wake up one morning not being able to remember anything that happened last week (besides some major events) and you constantly feel like you’re not you

lol same exact thing for me. Specifically with really unhinged, angry or terrified expressions.

i do ask myself how the heck this SNL is going to mesh connor storrie hosting and quinn. after that. is it a hockey bit? did quinn actually agree slash and or volunteer to do a bit with one of the actors from the gay hockey show? willingly? does he know, did you tell the man? matt williams and pat brisson and jim hughes from caa hockey: are you sure? are you sure?

I don’t truly believe I deserve such praise when I can never give anything back. I feel like an empty shell, only full of the thoughts of others. I don’t know who “me” is anymore. I feel everything and nothing at all. The world feels distorted and foggy and I’m barely holding onto my memories. I do not feel real. Nothing does. I can’t respond, I can barely reach out. I need something to hold onto. I’m again starting to realize how much people actually care for me and I’m scared because I feel as if I cannot give anything back. I feel like I’m in a dream but I can’t control my body. I can only sit and watch. I see myself giggling and leaning towards the warmth of others but that doesn’t feel like me. I do not feel that warmth, only envy for the person that I watch through a metaphorical window. I am going to end up just like my mother. I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I want to rot for a little while longer.

Thank you for shooting that Chino

my last coherent thought last night was an image of an article headline that said

The Duffer Brothers Respond to Internet Calling Them The Dipshit Brothers: “It’s a pretty sick burn.”

Tw!! Topics about grooming, hypersexuality, and those things in general

Idrk why I want to talk abt this but in my oc lore there are multiple themes of grooming, hypersexuality, twisted perspective of love, etc etc - even though I haven’t been groomed or anything of the likes (I won’t say the direct names because it makes me think I’ll ‘jinx’ it, or just makes me spiral into paranoia), I will admit that I struggle deeply with hypersexuality while also being sex repulsed - but for grooming, (and other things of the likes.) I have (fortunately) never experienced such a thing, but simultaneously - i may have convinced I was at times, I had an older male cousin who would kiss me on the lips to get my things, I admired him because well, wow! Cool older guy! But I don’t really think that counts as anything serious at all, even though it disgusts me to this day, but I’m not uncomfortable with said cousin at present day, so I can’t say it has scarred me much either. Another example is, my father, and I can’t explain specifics because thinking about it makes me sick, but there are small instances where he behaves. Strangely. But also, I may have just been reading all his body language as ‘strange’ after few instances where he did say weirder things. But that’s not grooming, it’s not anything at all - what I guess im trying to say is that I get extremely extremely paranoid about these things to the point where I convince myself I’ve been hurt by small things, this also causes my sex repulsion because it mainly roots in fear (I can’t find myself to elaborate further on this), yet also having intrusive thoughts/at times vivid dreams of, I refuse to say the words, but you get my idea. And those thoughts caused by the hypersexuality (god I worded that terribly) only deepens my fear

Did you want this. You made me do this…

I have no clue if this wa a request or an insane rant to little ol me.

i don’t know if i want delphi to be a selfinsert. or anaxa or cipher to be selfships. Actually

as i climb into an empty bed…i know it’s over

“They’re interesting.

There isn’t anything else in the world that operates quite like they do.

Cordyceps are the most interesting to me. It’s frightening the way a plant can take over the body of another living being and bend it to its will for the sake of propagation.

Where did it learn to do such a thing? Who taught it? When did it figure out it could do something like that in the first place?

As for eldritch overlords, I don’t believe in those. Nor do I believe they reside in the fungi or are the operators of the fungi.

I believe that’s just how the plant was programmed by its DNA to operate.”

A friend is in pain so i made this to remind myself who i am and maybe someone else will resonate with it

one semester left in the torment nexus

That’s very kind of you.

Thank you.

I’ll include my links.

$$

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She’s having fun with the Princh!