Rant//
Out of the 23 years of my life on this planet, I’ve lived in decent housing for about four years total. The house I grew up in was falling apart. Electrical issues, plumbing issues, bug issues. The house I moved into for college was falling apart. Doors that wouldn’t close they were so warped, ancient house with dysfunctional AC, a gross roommate that would leave rotting food all over the house. When I moved out of that house, the place I moved into was falling. apart. Black mold growing on a wall, mice problems, flooding every single time it rained, yes every time, plumbing issues where water would start dripping and then streaming from our ceiling. Then a “nice” condo that was ALSO FALLING APART. Structural issues, floor so warped you could feel the step down as you walked, windows so bad that we had to tape them shut to keep the bugs out, wasp infestation in the fireplace so that had to be taped up too. Now I’m living in the house I grew up in again. On top of everything else, now it has mold and mouse problems.
All I want is to live somewhere nice. And when my roommates and I apply to apartments? Sorry, you don’t make enough to live here. Even though you could pay rent, we require you have way more income. Okay, we have 3x rent. Sorry, that’s not enough. Well how much income do you require? Oh, we don’t tell you that. Why not? -hangs up- great.
I’m fvcking disabled. I have a severe phobia of bugs and it’s triggering daily living here. I need to get the fvck out of here and I literally can’t. I don’t know what to do. Section 8 is full here, inexpensive places are so gross even in photos you can tell. It feels like my only choice to have a safe place to live is to push myself to the point of breaking. Again. I’m exhausted and all I want to do is rest for five years, let my brain reset, go to therapy, fix my life. But I’ll never be able to fix my life, because I’m poor. And people would rather someone like me just die than help.
I’m not even trying to crowdfund or get commissions anymore because I never get more than $100. It hurts to see people being able to raise thousands of dollars overnight for top surgery just because they talk about dysphoria, meanwhile I can’t even get money to get a safe place to live. It feels so fvcking backwards, like the issues are similar in that they’re both necessary for the person’s mental health; but if your story doesn’t “move” people enough, you’re fvcked.