❤️‍🔥Unbothered, aligned, glowing. ❤️‍🔥

Understanding Loss of Identity: Causes, Signs, and Recovery Steps

This post feels like sitting down with a friend who gets it. When life shifts—perhaps a job ends, a relationship changes, or you suddenly wake up feeling like the person you were has quietly slipped away—it can spark a profound loss of identity. This blog gently guides you through what that feels like, how to recognize the signs, and how to start finding yourself again, not by forcing it.

https://thoughtsbetweenstars.wordpress.com/2025/05/21/torn-between-healing-and-dating-my-struggle-to-stay-single/

Precious us. - Chapter 2 : Unexpected plans (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/1529500823-precious-us-chapter-2-unexpected-plans?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=carablue932 And just when I stopped expecting, love came in 5'11" and said, “hi.” ~ New chapter dropping every Saturday

The Weight of Growing Up

Is this what growing up feels like?
Letting go of the will to live?

I remember being a kid, dreaming of leaving home, of moving to the United States.

I grew up. I made it.

And then what?

What about the dreams I have now?
The dreams I had as a child?
Do I let them go?

Do I forget that once, I dared to dream big?
That I reached for the sky, but couldn’t quite grasp it?

Do I have to kill the child I once was?

Do I have to crush his dreams, throw them away, even though I love reliving them in my mind?

I tried.

But dreams don’t just die.

Not like that.

Not the dreams of little César.

I have to let go of who I was to become who I’m meant to be.

My God… it hurts.

But I have to let go.

Goodbye.

Tongue tied?🙊 

Communication is everything, whether it’s in friendships, relationships, or even how you express yourself creatively. Lapis Lazuli is here to help you level up your communication and self-expression. 

Need a little extra clarity to dish out some solid advice?  

Or maybe you’re looking to speak from the heart with confidence?  

Lapis supports boosting creativity, tapping into your inner wisdom, and keeping negative vibes at bay. 

🌊 Water signs, this one’s made for you. Wear Lapis to speak your truth, stay confident, and protect your energy from negativity. 

Natural Lapis Lazuli Bracelet – Wisdom & Inner Truth with Water Element Energy

Merindukan Kamu yang Jauh di Sana

Malam terasa semakin panjang saat jarak memisahkan kita. Ada rindu yang menggantung di udara, menyelimuti hati setiap kali bayanganmu terlintas. Jarak ini, sejauh apapun, tak mampu menghapus kenangan indah tentang senyummu, tawa yang pernah menghangatkan hari-hariku, dan semua obrolan yang dulu terasa begitu dekat.

Ada banyak hal yang ingin kuceritakan, banyak cerita yang ingin kubagi, namun hanya sunyi yang menemani setiap kali ingin kusampaikan kata “Aku rindu.” Rasanya seperti menunggu hujan di tengah gurun, berharap bisa merasakan kehadiranmu meski hanya sekejap.

Terkadang, aku bertanya pada angin, apakah ia bisa menyampaikan rinduku padamu? Atau pada bintang, apakah ia bisa melihatmu di sana dan membisikkan namaku? Karena setiap malam, hanya doa yang bisa kupanjatkan, berharap kamu merasakan hangatnya pelukan ini meski dari kejauhan.

Aku tahu, jarak bukanlah akhir dari cerita kita. Rindu ini, meski menyiksa, adalah bukti bahwa kamu berarti, bahwa setiap detik tanpamu adalah ujian kesabaran. Dan hingga saat kita bertemu lagi, biarkan rindu ini menjadi pengikat hati yang menjaga cinta kita tetap hangat, meski kamu jauh di sana.

Heels past to present

Stepping out to find another pair of heels can be hard after you discarded your first pair thinking this wasn’t for you even though you enjoyed it so. The fear the not known myself and others fear lead me to discard the very thing I enjoyed. I thought it was the end, the final purge, gone because I chose to throw them away in a large industrial container. No one would know or find out.

Reality check, after steering clear of the unknown and strange feelings of dressing and wearing heels for almost ten years wouldn’t you know it all came back? As if you could just cast off such a milestone in your life. Accepting yourself and being uncomfortable is really okay so it was time to try again.

I did repeat some of my prior pattern of going away from my home town but I did it outside a major retail store and into a upscale reseller store. I had more experiance looking in these places and looking for good deals and good quality so it was time to make a move to looking for “ culturally unmanly” things. I must admit that with shoes I have a particular taste for shoes and I have been described as a bit of snob. Looking at multiple choices of heels and trying the sizes were just a must. This tiime I took my time, relaxed and used the bench to sit down and try pairs on one at a time. Needless to say I was looking more for classic pumps or stiletto black. Finding my size was difficult and I bought one that seemed to fit the bill. I had found a lbd and a skirt and top to go with the purchase and approached the register. The lady was kind and although nervous I generated small talk. I paid and made it out without feeling like I had robbed the place or had done anything wrong. Driving to a secure place in the parking lot I got on my treasures, the lbd and the black heels. I drove to a quiet place and got out after watching the area. I stayed to the black top and found my balance while walking along the vechicle, and after some preperation with stride and pre-walking I found to my delight of heels again. My next move was not so good, I tried walking in soil and gravel. Oh it was terrifble and it ended up damaging the heels. Oh I was angry but learned my lesson.

I wish I had learned my lesson about not walking on not hard surfaces but I must admit I tried it again and between the unknown quality of the heel before I bought it I likely took its life early due to mismangement and learning to rewalk in nature and not in building. To my defense side walks aren’t aways kind both due to age and how they are poured and cut . Oops! But I did get my practice in and the need to buy another set of heels re emerged. I disguarded them at a gas station trash can and cried a happy tear of loss and joy.

This time, within the next hour, I was a bit more watchful of quality and took my time looking over the heels and walking in the store with them on. Yes I am tall and I stuck out but who cares in the end I mean people dont have to like you, but they will take your money. In a moment of vulnerability, and confidence I would like to believe, I asked a kind looking women, also looking for heels, which looked best. She encouraged me to buy both pairs instead of one since they both look so nice and were my size. I was suprised at her remark but maybe I was more confident and at easy to accept the advice. I took it and currently have enjoyed a ankle strap open toe pump and a kitten heel.

Heels

I maybe repeating myself but it worth the trip down memory lane.

My very first memory of heels is tied to the sound more than the look or image. It certainally wasn’t something women in my backwoods area of the country wore often but when they did it was a sight. It seemed to be a certain kind of woman, the kind I wasn’t in apart of or so it seemed in a more conservative circle. Sure they are elegant and beautiful and are a true gift, but the sound and the sway was something that caught my eye. Maybe that was why they were frowned upoun? It couln’t be easy to do but even at a young age it was something I had to try.

Enter my first set of heals, bought after trying them on in a retail store miles away from my home. I never tried on both of them at the same time, I knew being tall I stuck out anyway but it was still something a man shouldn’t do. I tried to conceal them on the way to the registor and than was faced with the clerk. Honestly I don’t remember much about greeting her or looking at her but I was afraid she might ask me about this purchase. I was embarassed, red in the face and sweating with my heart beating out of my chest. I must have looked guilty. After it was rung up and I swipted the card I was out the door! I felt like I had just robbed the store, I had to go! I drove out of that state and into another and stopped at a rest stop to try them on. I don’t remember much else other than holding onto the car as I tried the balancing act with not much sucess. I drove with them on and then stuffed them back into my bag. It wsn’t till later I started to learn by trial and error the skill and delight Fun days, scary days, seemingly a distant memory but still alive and active.

In hindsight I was young and still unsure of myself and what everything meant. I didn’t have any support and the internet was still a bit unnavigatable for this kind of thing. All I knew was what I was told by others and that wasn’t much of anything clear or open minded. I didn’t feel safe discussing it with others, I didn’t know if I could even trust myself.

Just like wearing shorts but …..

I made my first opportunity to wear a short skirt that was above my knees a reality!

In finding it in the store I knew it would be a dream come true and brave to wear this skirt in public, it would be edgy but fun. It would break my cultural/religious rules of what precieve modesty to be. I purchased it with hopes that it would be a reality in the future, you know sometime, likely long time from now. Some might call it a dream or a bold move but when you have a good set of legs and you love to just let the natural you show this is the dream you know that could be a reality.

After just a week after purchase the dream became a reality! It came with the ever pleasant task of shaving my long natural given legs. Oh if only I was able to sit in the bath, but even in the shower I did my very best knocking down and refinement close smoothing shave. It certainally wasn’t perfect like my high hopes are always desiring but it was very good. It’s hard to let go of the desire to be perfect but it reality you must and you can find peace in your best. It seems your best is better than what you imagine by the way since we are internally our worst critics . I am learnng to allow my inner critic to calm down a bit and come back to the reality of life, its a hard thing to accept but it so needed. High hopes ae not wong but need to let them have their place.

Oh the fresh softness of legs shaven and mosituised! The skit was layed out but the top was still a mystery at the moment but not enough to fight away the desire to wear the skit. After just settling on what look right, tuck in or outside the skirt it was time to take those legs a walk'n. (Side note: Making choices of coordination, color and style can be so difficult but I am learning its just me being unaware or doubtful of my own style.)

And walking these legs I did out in the real world, outside the four walls of my place of shelter and sometimes self doubt. It was everything I hoped it would be, mostly it was one hunded times better than shorts and complementary to the me body type and image I desire. Oh do I have desires for better hips and caboose, well yes but just going out and accepting what I have been natually given was so affiming and comfotable. Finding comfort in being me and finding me is a pleasure and affimation beyond price.

Tusting your own gut. Having confidence means building on sucess or failure over time. The failure is what we dread the most but allow it to have it’s place. People will have their looks and feelings but they aren’t you, they don’t know you or live in your skin. Be and find yourself as much as you can so you might be the true authentic self for yourself and ultimetly for the betterment of your service to helping others be comfortable finding themselves by your acceptance of them.

hello, again // oi, de novo

casualy, today, i decided to give it a try and login here again, after many many years. i created this when i was a pre teen, completely in love withe the idea of aesthetics. today, i’m 24, graduated law school and i’m currently trying to find myself again. so, i guess, hello again.

casualmente, hoje, eu decidi tentar logar novamente aqui, depois de muitos e muitos anos. eu criei essa conta quando ainda era pré adolescente e apaixonada pela ideia das esteticas. hoje, tenho 24 anos, me formei em direito e estou atualmente tentando me encontrar novamente. então, oi de novo, eu acho

felt the ache of moving on from a relationship? It’s like part of you is missing, leaving a void where memories and dreams used to live. That pain is real, and it’s okay to feel it.

But here’s a fresh angle: moving on isn’t losing. It’s actually a journey to winning yourself back. It’s about rediscovering who you are outside of the relationship, embracing your individuality, and reclaiming your sense of self. It’s a path to personal empowerment. 🚶‍♂️💪

However, if you don’t embrace the process of moving on, you risk losing a part of yourself in what was. The fear? Staying stuck in the past and missing out on the growth that awaits you. Remember, every end is a new beginning. Embrace it, and find yourself again. 🌱

-Fail to Succeed Life

“ We lose ourselves in books, we find ourselves there too.” - Quote

Read Books and Be Nice to Each Other https://legomars.blogspot.com/2023/06/read-books-and-be-nice-to-each-other.html

Me? “SOUR”? As if…

Starting as a “SOUR” teenage girl crying over her ex Olivia Rodrigo is now spilling her “Guts” with her new album. Back in 2021 the Disney Channel actor Oliva Rodrigo released her first hit song outside of Disney “Drivers License” recently after her break up with co-star Joshua Bennet (fans believe). The song was a complete success and reached teens all over the world with over 1.1 billion streams. Just 5 months after the release of “Drivers License” Olivia dropped her first album “Sour”. Olivia’s songs are a bit too relatable for anyone who has dealt with heartbreak and she is very vocal about her pain, feelings of betrayal, and all the feelings one should feel while healing from a breakup.

SOUR (Video Version) by Olivia Rodrigo

 In the “SOUR” album one would get more of a pop vibe to it whereas in “Guts” it leans more into rock and this was a bit of a different vibe from Oliva. In her first album “SOUR” she had one song “Brutal” that had more of a rock vibe to it but a whole rock album is different for Olivia and fans seem to be loving it. To see the pop star express herself in rock is amazing. She is still singing about a past lover but bringing a new dynamic to her previous heartbreak music. You can even tell that there’s a big difference in the album covers.

GUTS by Olivia Rodrigo

Over the past two years, we assume Rodrigo did a lot of healing and soul-searching to find a new version of herself and we can not only hear it in her change of genres but she is very vocal about it in her twelve new songs. In the “Ballad of a Homeschooled Girl,” she expresses that she “hate all my clothes and feels like my skin doesn’t feel right over my bones” The New York Times stated, “Olivia Rodrigo has seen the world and now she’s livid.” The songs in “Guts’ ’ compared to “SOUR” really show her growth and proves The New York Times right. She seemed to have a point of realization in this album whereas she was seemingly to be a bit delusional in her previous album. In her song “Vampire” she makes a few statements that show the growth she went through. Admitting that she “has made some real dumb mistakes” and how she admits that “she used to believe she was smart but you made me look so naïve’ ’. “Rodrigo is at her best, perhaps owing to her acting background, when delivering screeds in a kind of hyper-self-aware, spoken-word register. “Yes, I know that he’s my ex, / But can’t two people reconnect?” she poses with an almost audible wink on “Bad Idea Right?” a song on which she contemplates the self-destruction of rekindling an old romance. “I only see him as a friend / The biggest lie I ever said,” she adds, always shrewdly one step ahead of herself.”

“Overall, I see “GUTS” as the bi-curious and grungy older sister to “SOUR” and recommend it to any teenager with growing pains.” Olivia’s music is very popular and the numbers show its success and I’m positive that we will be getting more from Olivia in time. I wonder what other surprises she has in store for us…

Escape

Moving down the track

Recently it’s been difficult to slow down and settle back down into the everyday reality of my life. I love dressing its feminine, inspiring, challenging and exciting but it’s not something I can jump into and expect change to happen right away.
Everything in life is a journey and it always takes one step forward, occasionally two or more back and struggle to move on. I am slowing down enjoying the process and celebrating the victories of finding outfits, shoes, make up successes and stepping out into the wild without the illusion that I must be perfect. I don’t need to hide behind the fear of looking perfect and totally blending in as a typical woman. I am man after all and looking good is always the goal but it doesn’t look like the same outfit, hair, makeup or style of anyone else. I don’t need the make up or bra to express the feminine me. I guess I am saying I am thankful for the times I have and accepting me first.
Feminine to you and me is different but it’s the feeling and realization that you can be comfortable in your own skin with a dress and chucks just as much as you can with heels and pantyhose. Again who doesn’t enjoy the extra padded bra, the wig and great makeup that shapes your ideal look? At the end of the day this male body in feminine cloths can be satisfied and fulfilled.

Stepping Out of Me - 32 (on Wattpad) https://www.wattpad.com/1375362179-stepping-out-of-me-32?utm_source=web&utm_medium=tumblr&utm_content=share_reading&wp_uname=xxCryBaibyxx&wp_originator=ftI62zupfxNDqWrwFGUkHVth0Hqz%2BV7%2FCVwKgYNxHKDaYgxkloC%2Fp06cK2gmh9vSZR9CviBLWdutL2QX%2F7Zu3wB7BQ7%2FW%2FHMJ1%2FhwxdrpaXYPg7eIAUZsPKgu8zRrlj3 Kiera had a seemingly perfect life until the death of her mother. She figured things couldn’t get any worse until someone in her circle violates her in a most heinous way. In her struggle to come to terms with things, Kiera and her dad relocate to the town of Berkton where they could possibly have a new start. After never having a boyfriend, she meets Lance who is very sweet to her and a spice added to her life. Her issues cause her to act in not-so-great ways but will she realize he isn’t the same as the ones she left behind before it’s too late? *New chapter every Monday*