I’m (f 21) sexually attracted to my boyfriend’s (23) mom (f 45) and she seems to like me back, what do I stop it?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about four months. He’s honestly great. Handsome, funny, kind, emotionally stable, the kind of guy people say you’re lucky to find. We get along really well and things feel comfortable and easy between us. I care about him a lot.
But I’ll be honest: I’m not in love yet. Part of that is just how I am. I’ve had some trauma in past relationships and I don’t fall deeply right away. It takes time for me to feel safe enough to really let myself love someone. He knows this and has been patient about it.
About a month ago I met his parents for the first time. His dad is around 50, a lawyer, very put-together, a bit intimidating but polite. His mom is a housewife. She invited us over for lunch and cooked this whole beautiful meal and was incredibly welcoming. She hugged me when I arrived, asked about my work, my family, everything.
And here’s where the problem starts. His mom is, without exaggeration, the most attractive woman I have ever seen in real life. I’m bisexual. I’ve dated women before, though not much. But I’ve never felt such a weird, immediate physical awareness of someone the way I did with her.
At first I tried to ignore it because obviously that’s insane. It’s my boyfriend’s mother.But every time we’ve gone there since, I catch myself noticing little things. The way she looks at me when I talk. The way she smiles slightly when she says something teasing. It’s not overtly flirtatious… but there’s a kind of confidence in it that makes you feel like she knows exactly what effect she has.
Last week we were at their house again and at some point my boyfriend and his dad stepped out to go grab something from his dad’s office.
She poured us some wine and we sat in the kitchen talking. She started complimenting me. My hair, my clothes, my figure. The kind of compliments that are technically normal but a little personal. At one point she said something like “You have a beautiful body. You should show it off more.” (we were talking about a dress I want to buy for an event) And she said it in this casual tone but then just looked at me for a second longer than felt normal.
She stood pretty close when she came around the counter to refill my glass. Not touching me or anything inappropriate just close enough that I suddenly felt very aware of the distance between us.
Nothing actually happened. No touching, no direct flirting. But the atmosphere felt weirdly charged the whole time. Like she knew exactly how flustered I was getting.
Fast forward to the next morning. I wake up to a message from her. She said she had been shopping and saw a dress she thought would look “beautiful on you” and picked it up for me, along with a couple of small things. Totally framed as a sweet gesture.
And on the surface it is sweet. I know some moms are just like that. But when I read it I got this strange feeling in my stomach. Like it was another move in the same quiet game. Now I feel incredibly conflicted.
I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend. He also mentioned how weird his male friends would get around his mom and it he did not bring people home for that very reason.
P.S. I have told only one other person about it, my best friend. My best friend (f 22) knows about this. She is convinced the mom is making a move on me and I should stay away from the whole family. She said it’s all super weird and that I’m being manipulated. Help!

When we have feelings, it colors our perception of events. From what you’ve described, I would say she’s just being nice. At most, she may indeed be aware of your attraction and is complimented by it, happy she can still draw the eyes of a younger crowd.

But, A) you should trust your gut; unless you have a history of paranoia or anxiety, your gut’s usually pretty trustworthy, and B) regardless, you are uncomfortable. You should at least stop going over to his place and being around his mom. Distance should help lessen the attraction and give you time to suss things out and decide if you want to continue on with your boyfriend or not.

I would tell your boyfriend that you realize seeing his parents so much feels like a lot and moving too fast, and you’d like to just focus on you two and not your families.

Or if you feel it’s best to just break it off completely, do that. It’s a four month old relationship. It’s not like you’re walking away from 10 years of something amazing. You date to see if it can work out with someone, and if you’ve discovered the answer is no, then the answer is no.

I (23F) want a baby with my husband (26M) thoughts or advice?

To start off, please don’t say “you’re still young, you have so much time.” Etc. I’ve wanted to be a mom ever since I can remember. I used to work with children as a nanny and I helped my mom with all of my siblings growing up. My husband is amazing. We love each other so dearly and have been battling the urge to have children. He knows I want them someday and I know the same is for him. My only issue is I am wanting them sooner than later. I don’t want to be “too late “ as I’ve wandered what it would be like to have them while I’m young and healthy. I do have a condition that can make me become blind. This condition doesn’t affect my reproductive system, but I do have fears someday the worse will happen. I would love to raise kids while I’m still young that way I can enjoy retirement with my husband and possibly any future grandkids. My husband wants wait as long as possible. We both have steady income, we make about $110k combined a year. We have the life we want and look forward to the future together. Two years ago I wanted a baby and he would say “2-3 more years.” We are at that point now and somehow he is still saying “2 more years.” Or “whenever we have a house.” I’d love to wait until we have a house but we currently have so many great benefits with our job like 4 months maternity/paternity leave, and great healthcare. Any thoughts or advice is welcomed please.

You can either wait until he’s ready or you can walk away, knowing that walking away might mean pursuing single motherhood. But you can’t compromise on children. So you need to accept what he’s saying and decide if you can live with it or if you can’t and it’s time to get divorced. You may decide this is best sorted out in couples counseling to understand each other as best you can before making a decision.

I (F24) am struggling with my boyfriend’s (M24) female best friend (F24). How do I handle this?

This might seem harsh, but I don’t like my boyfriend’s girl best friend. I have never told him this directly, although I’ve expressed that sometimes their friendship makes me feel uncomfortable.
They used to live together, and now that they live in different countries, they still call each other every single day. What bothers me is that he only calls her this frequently not his male friends.
When I am with my boyfriend, he constantly gets calls from her, and honestly, I’m getting tired of it. On several occasions, I’ve felt like he chooses her needs or her company over mine. To make matters worse, she has never made an effort to actually get to know me, even though my boyfriend introduced us.
He told me he was going to set more boundaries in their friendship, and I am trying to trust him, but it’s hard when the patterns don’t seem to change. Has anyone dealt with this? How can I communicate my needs without sounding controlling?
TL;DR: My boyfriend calls his female best friend every day and takes her calls while we are together. I feel like second priority and she makes no effort with me. He promised boundaries, but I’m struggling to cope.

If you’re unhappy with the state of the relationship and incompatible on how you rank this relationship as a priority, then break up.

“He wasn’t a bad person.

He just didn’t know how to love someone like me in the way I needed. I believe he cared. I believe he tried in the ways he knew how. But it often felt like we were speaking different emotional languages — like we were standing in the same place, but experiencing everything differently. It wasn’t about a lack of effort. It was about a lack of alignment. The way he showed love wasn’t something that fully reached me. And that doesn’t make him wrong. It just made us different. Sometimes people can only love from the level of their own awareness, their own healing, and their own emotional capacity. Even when the intentions are genuine, it still might not be enough for someone whose heart needs something deeper or different. That doesn’t make either person a villain. It just means the connection wasn’t built in a way that could fully hold both hearts.

Sometimes, people come into your life not to stay forever, but to teach you what love feels like — and what it doesn’t. And through that, you learn that it’s not about forcing something to fit. It’s about finding the kind of love that understands you without translation.”

-B. Paige

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Dating someone for their potential/ manchild with no ambition? (M40, F28)

I (F28) have been dating my partner (M40) for a few months. At first I have had my holdups with him, but we just jived so well and naturally in a way that I never have, and even our disagreements are so smooth that I decided to give this a try. He is my twin flame, in both a good and bad way, and we are meant to be in each others’ lives, and have changed each other’s lives and outlook on relationships. We can have fun doing nothing and are always laughing.
I am finding out that a lot of things that I have overlooked at first, including lack of organization and planning skills, lack of ambition and being proactive in daily life, are really rubbing me the wrong way. I am finding that it is influencing me (someone who is very career oriented) in the negative way, because he does nothing all day, and spends his spare time ‘wasting time’ in my eyes, and sometimes drags me along. He is someone who for most of his life has been directionless and lost despite coming from an affluent family, and mostly blamed it on other people and circumstances etc.
This really repels me, as someone who came from poverty, worked really hard, went to a good college etc, and is making meaningful strides to 'make it’ in my field. He has goals, he has dreams, and I think he is really intelligent and talented, but he doesn’t seem to understand the concept of dedication and hard work it seems. We have had conversations on this, and he says that I have inspired him to really pursue his dreams now, and I want to watch him change and pursue his passions. But I am starting to think, or realize, will he really change? Because he is always on TikTok even when he has something he has to do for work. Sometimes I ask him what he will do today, or what he has done today, and it is essentially nothing. And it really turns me off.
And deep down in my heart I think I must leave him, or at least give us time apart for him to get his shit together before I can take this seriously. But every time I think about leaving him, I feel so sick to my stomach. When we are having a good time I think of how lucky I found someone that can be by my side forever, because I never knew that could happen, that someone would want to spend the rest of their life with me. Starting over would be a nightmare, and I don’t expect to find someone like this ever again. Maybe my fear of starting over is also keeping me from leaving, of course. I’m trying to give myself advice as if I were my own daughter. But I don’t want to listen, because I am also guided by my reckless heart.

Starting over???? Honey, this isn’t a 20 year long relationship where you’ve been a stay at home parent and have to figure out how to get a job again and navigate dating while being a single parent. It’s a few fucking months old, and you’re not happy in it. Walk the fuck away.

“Pet Peeve”

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7 Signs She’s Not the One

Have you ever asked yourself, “Is she really the one?”

When emotions are involved, clarity can be hard to find. Attraction feels strong. Chemistry feels convincing. But marriage isn’t built on feelings alone. It’s built on shared faith, shared purpose, character, and long-term vision.

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7 Signs She’s Not the One

It is easy to allow convenience to keep you in a place that isn’t good for you. Though what you have is easy and may seem convenient, that will cause you more problems eventually.

When you see that things aren’t aligning the way you know you would like them to, do yourself a big favor and exit sooner rather than later. Yes, it will be difficult. Heartbreak will ensue, but this is much better than having your heart broken over and over again by someone who cannot align with where you are headed in life.

Prince Aries Arilus is a great listener when Prince Aquarius Aqunoa wants to talk about his inventions, and they admire each other’s bright spirits. Their differences make each other sparkle in a perfectly complementary relationship.

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Asking for advice on how I M27 should handle my F27 GF lazy habbits?

I’ve lived with my girlfriend for 1.5 years and we are about to be together for 5 years. I work remote while she’s on-site. With the exception of the first few months when we’ve moved in, my gf has consistently slacked on household chores and upkeep. For context I shovel, mow grass, cook 95% of the time, vacuum and clean nearly all the time, do the grocery shopping, as well as clean up my own messes. I’ve tried to justify it in the past since I’m remote and home that I have more availability to do more household tasks. So I wouldn’t expect the division of chores to be 50/50 but the past year it feels closer to 90/10. Within the past few months she has to be reminded to clean up after herself. Whether it’s empty bags and boxes from shopping laying on the floor, dirty bottles/cups/dishes & bowls in the living room, and literal piles of her own dirty laundry across 2 rooms, etc.
I’ve told her that this bothers me before and she gets emotion and feels like she’s failing for not doing more but doesn’t seem like she’s actually trying to better herself. I still love her but it’s causing me to be a bit frustrated with our relationship and I’m starting to see her in a less romantic light. Besides for this issue our relationship is great but I can’t go on living my life this same way. We’ve talked about marriage before and I’m tempted to tell her I will not propose until these habits change because I don’t want to marry into this situation, but before I do anything rash I thought id hear the advice of others.

All you can do is communicate. If you’ve tried several times and nothing has changed, then nothing is going to change. Dating is to figure out if you have long-term compatibility. Sounds like you’re discovering that the answer is no.

Sexually Compatible

My partner (F35) want communication when she is with other partners. I (M39) do not. Polyamorous relationship.

We’re polyamorous, so I know things are already a bit wonky here.
My partner Birch and I have a disagreement about phone use and communication. You see, I struggle with rumination and getting her off my mind is nearly impossible as it is. I’m really struggling with her being away already. Intensely so and I’m really struggling to manage it. In an effort to reduce how much I think about her, I like to limit my phone usage when she is with other partners. I’m not sure if it helps but it is the only option I really have.
She has other partners and spends a significant amount of time away, and I spent a lot of nights alone. I have on person I’m recently seeing, but only once or twice a week. Either alone or with her, I much prefer to put my phone away and to just live my life like I’m single. This helps with my rumination and my feelings of jealousy.
Birch, however, wants to stay in constant contact. She feels insecure and alone when she is away from me. I get that, but she’s also choosing to be away from me, so I don’t feel like it is my responsibility to be there for her in this scenario. She is with a partner who she claims doesn’t provide her with the support she needs, but I do not see this as my responsibility even if so. Her belief is that I am her partner and she deserves and is entitled to my communication no matter what the scenario. I firmly disagree, especially as my mental health is challenged when I am alone (I’m working on this I promise you).
Birch gets very upset with me and it has been causing conflicts for months, especially now that I am seeing someone else and have been communicating less (5 hours going by has been common the last few dates I’ve had with my new partner). I lose track of time, silence my phone, and generally just focus on the person in front of me (which is incredibly helpful for me). She feels distance, and gets nervous, which I get.
Long story short, my stance is that if she wants my attention she should be with me. Otherwise I should be free to communicate as much or as little as I prefer. She thinks I should be there for her at all times.
So, we’re at an impasse here. How does everyone else handle phone communication? What is the best way to navigate this situation?

Since neither of you is willing to compromise, this is an incompatibility. It’s time to think about splitting. Neither of you are happy in this setup, so why drag it out?

I (M29) don’t know if I should end things with my gf (F33)

- First stage: We knew each other because friends in common, eventually became friends with benefits , fucking, hanging around, and going out to eat. After some months she confessed to develop feelings. I was clear from the start that i was not looking for a relationship. So we stopped seeing each other from a couple months. In that time, whenever i fucked with any other girl i was always thinking “damn, if i were with Eva now, we could be buying some ice cream and watching something right now” in contrast to the girl i was with, that most of the times i just wanted them to leave.
So being that the case, I went after Eva and told her I would like to try a relationship with her, because i do have feelings for her. We started an official relationship. I asked her for it to be an open relationship because i know myself and i’m kinda of hypergamous, and i never had an open relationship. She agreed even though she was not really interested in that, but she said that she is interested in me enough to give it a try and see how we feel. We discussed boundaries and everything. When the time came that i told her “hey, i’ll be out today with somene” things really went downhill and she basicalle broke up with me. But then reached back to me the next day and apologized because it was a visceral response, and she wanted to keep trying. I accepted but i decided to remain calm (no hookups) for some time, and preferred to dive into threesomes with her so it could be easier to her. We did have a mmf threesome and we really enjoyed it.
Things were doing pretty good, but there was a constant fight: she kept complaining that I didn’t gave her enough time. I didn’t agree with that, because i have stuff to do in my life: i have music gigs, i’m also studying at the conservatoire, i have rehearsals, i have an office job, i have friends and i also enjoy time alone. And even with all that, i was statistically spending more time with her that with any of my friends.
1+years deep into the relaltionship: One day after a pretty heated argument related to this issue, she went straight to ask me “do you even consider a future with me?” and i was honest, with all that, i really wasn’t. So we broke up.
After a couple months I kept pondering about it , and thought that maybe I was exaggerating. Honestly, she was making reasonable demands for a couple standard. And I really loved her, so I reached her again. She told me how broken her heart was, and that it would take some time for her to recover trust in the relationship, but she did also want to be my gf again. She acknowledged her responsability on being too emotionally dependant on me (which was my biggest turnoff) , and she will do her best effort to improve that.
First couple months were kinda difficult because a lot of stupid arguments that could have been avoided, but she chose to have them. But everything because of how fresh was the resentment.
After that things became pretty good again.
2.5 years in: My rent contract was going to expire, and we both decided to move in together. We got along pretty good in almost anything. There was some friction on her end with money management. ( I’m the kind of person that thinks that the best way for a couple that pretends a future to handle money is that there is only one money, regardless of how much we earn individually. Because today I could be making more money than you, but through the years that could and will change a lot) She had a considerable ammount of credit card debt (lets say like 3 months of sallary) which i knew before making the decision. I helped her getting her shit together, fractioning that debt in monthly payments so it could be managed, and stablished a regime of following the money we spent blablalba.

You two have honestly done an admirable job of ignoring that you’re incompatible, but powering through in denial is never going to actually make you compatible. I’m sorry. It’s very difficult when we truly love someone that we simply don’t match with.

What’s an all-natural leader gonna do with someone who always marches to the beat of their own drum? Prince Leo Leporon’s and Prince Aquarius Aqunoa’s ways of life can lead to clashes; they’re totally rivals.

Girlfriend (25F) of 5 years refuses to invest in relationship with me (26M) - what would you do?

She’s my first girlfriend and for the most part a wonderful person.
But ever since last year, she comes across as completely uninvested, if not disinterested in the relationship. She chooses to prioritise almost every thing above the relationship - her minimum wage job that has her working on weekends, working at her parents restaurant during the weekdays, university studies etc.
I think those are important things. But a lack of balance makes me very upset. We barely meet, say once every two months. There’s no sex in the relationship. There is no initiative on her end to organize anything, let alone a meetup. No meaningful conversations. No shared experiences. 
I‘ve spoken to her multiple times flagging my concerns, but it lands on deaf ears and she doesn’t even respond. She just sweeps stuff under the rug and expects me to be ok with it. This is my first relationship, and I think I’ve had enough. What would you do?

Break up. Dating is to figure out if you’re compatible (like, you want the same things out of a relationship) and want to keep on with each other. You’ve discovered you’re not compatible. Time to move on.

When the vibe is louder than words.