People sometimes mistake respect for praise.
They’re not the same thing.
What matters to me is steadiness, accountability, and follow-through. Those aren’t traits to worship. They’re traits to build with.
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True love isn't found, it's built.
There are many things I want in this world and you are number one. I want you to know what happiness is. I want you to know what it feels like to accept love. I cannot make you want these things; all I can do is support you in your journey to finding yourself.
I am going to be here when you’re ready. A break is a temporary thing, it’s not giving up, it’s not a separation, it’s just a pause button on life to be able to step back to gain a clear perspective. This doesn’t make us weak, it makes us stronger in knowing maybe the thing you are fighting the most, is the best thing for you. Life and love can become so intense, weighing us down, making us feel inadequate (not good enough, not as successful as we feel we “should” be because that other person is depending on us) when we are far from inadequate. More than anything, I want you to know that I have absolutely no desire to change or “fix” you. I have loved and continue to love you, despite all the bad days, the hurtful words, and the absence. I know it is hard for you to accept that someone cares. It is always easier to fight the things we fear (love, loneliness, acceptance). I have plenty of fears and I am not too proud to admit that some days, I feel like a failure. But when that happens, I look at all the good there is in my life; you, our family. I want you to be able to see those good things, not just temporarily, but for a lifetime, and know that no matter what life throws at you, you have us, your family, to lean on when times are good and when times are bad; because there is no greater gift than that of a family. Family is the parachute when you take the dive. They are there to coast you safely to the ground. The responsibility of family is to put all your fears, your trust, and your burdens on them so that you never have to go at it alone.
I don’t want you to be afraid of change, I want you to embrace it with your entire being and I am hoping this break allows you to do that. I want you to understand that I am not going anywhere. Let me repeat myself as I have in the past. I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON YOU. I want you to take this time to find out who you are and what you want. Stop allowing others to treat you poorly or use you. Most of all, I want you to learn how to say, “NO!”
NO to the people who take advantage of you. NO to the darkness that creeps in. NO to the control of the alcohol. NO to the doubt that you feel. NO NO NO to anything that makes you feel inferior or less than you are. NO.
But more importantly, I also want you to learn to say “YES!”
YES to love. YES to life. YES to happiness. YES to responsibility and getting older; because none of these things have to be a burden or a hardship when you can say YES to accepting help from those who love you.
There is no rulebook for life. YOU make your own path. YOU don’t want to feel down anymore?
YOU say, time to make the change. I know you absolutely hate to hear it, but the way you feel is the devil talking. The devil will make you feel that there is nothing to live for, that everything good in your life is worthless, and that no one loves you, which is a bunch of bullshit (he’s a sneaky little bastard and creeps up on you out of nowhere when everything is going good). The devil makes you doubt yourself and feeds you lies to keep you down. I know you, Joey Lanza. You do not want to lose this; deep down inside of you, past the negative thoughts, past the doubt, you (and I) know this is the greatest gift we could ever have, which is to share our lives in love. You said once, you wanted your old life back. Well, here it is. Don’t succumb to the seeds of doubt and the lies of the devil. Throw them up like a bad hangover and say, “you will not get the best of me” and truly mean it with everything you are. If you believe the lies and bullshit he feeds you, he wins (fuck him!).
Maybe you need to believe in something bigger than yourself. Each and every day I know that God has brought you back into my life. He opened my heart to you for a second time. That was not by accident. It was no “master plan” to hurt me all over again. It was to allow us to share our lives. He already knows all the possibility and potential this life has in store for us (individually and together). YOU just have to believe it and believe in Him and anything is possible. The sky is the limit and you’re driving the plane.