I want a cute partner to knit scarves for, make desserts for, and have them be obsessed with me. Where can I get one? 💳💳😞😞
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Which Of The 5 Love Languages Are You? - BlackDoctor.org
As Gary Chapman explains in The 5 Love Languages, each of us “speaks” one primary language of love—the way we feel most cherished
- Words of Affirmation: warm compliments, heartfelt praise, sincere notes
- Acts of Service: thoughtful actions like cooking a meal or doing chores
- Receiving Gifts: tokens that reflect care and thoughtfulness
- Quality Time: focused, undistracted moments together
- Physical Touch: affectionate hugs, hand-holding, intimacy
These 5 Love Languages help decode how to connect deeply with others.
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ginisang upo & strawberry banana flavoured cheerios (love takes form in many ways).
cut up apples and oranges my parents would take up to my room during my depressive episodes. going downstairs, the morning before going to school, and seeing a mug of freshly poured hot ginger-honey tea sitting on the kitchen counter after telling my mom about my itchy throat (and continues to give me a fresh one every day until i get better). telling my parents about how much i’ve missed biking and the next day, seeing my bike with freshly pumped tires propped up at the front door. requesting a home-cooked meal my dad used to make and proceeds to cook a big serving of it that would last us the rest of the week. bringing all the essentials to every outing just in case someone needs sunscreen, a bandaid, water, etc. pulling me closer to them on a bumpy commute. making sure i’m on the inside of the sidewalk. carrying my things when i’m tired or as i try to dig through my tote bag (full of everything). giving me their jacket or sweater whenever i’m too stubborn to bring my own. following me as i go through aisle after aisle and pushing the cart, and giving suggestions on what would look good on me as i throw in clothes to try on. making plans without having me to worry about when and where we are going. taking me outside for fresh air when i’ve been feeling too overwhelmed and suffocated for too long inside crowded areas. reassurance and hugs when i’m crying because i feel like a burden. bringing me my favourite snacks knowing that i haven’t eaten much. finding my freshly folded laundry on my bed during my busy weekends. coming home after a long day to a plate of rice and uulam saved in the fridge just for me. buying something to eat with me even though they’re not hungry, but does it anyways so that i don’t eat alone (i hate eating alone). checking in on me when i’ve shut down or when i’ve dissociated. bringing me my favourite drink after i’ve stayed up late studying. telling my parents about how much i liked the snack they bought me recently and buys it in bulk the next day. giving me a long embrace after i’ve being distant due to stress. “i’ll take care of it, don’t worry about it, you’re safe with me, i’ll take care of you.”
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The Love Languages: Including the Autistic Ones
Wednesday, April 17, 2024
The Love Languages: Including the Autistic Ones
- Respecting Schedules and Routines
- Respecting Space
- Physical Touch
- Problem-Solving
- Memorizing Details
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Info Dumping
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
- Parallel Play
Now, before we proceed, I’m aware of some of the history behind love languages; if memory serves me correctly, the person who came up with it was using love languages to explain why women should have subservient roles.
I would argue he’s right, for the wrong reasons. He’s right, despite being an asshole. Well, the Germans have a word for people like him, “waltersobchakeit,” which means, “You’re not wrong, you’re just an asshole.”
“Love languages” explain a lot, and has helped a lot of people, but, because he was an asshole, he “missed” a lot.
When an autistic person is on the receiving end of the “main” 5 love languages, as Morgan Foley put it,
“You are not showering me with love; you are showering me with anxiety.”
Due to the lack of understanding of Autism, we are viewed as “unempathetic”, when, in actuality, we’re simply different. And, due to our differences, we express ourselves, and our affection, differently.
In the list above, and in the image, I, purposely, didn’t state which ones were the autistic love languages. However, if you look at them, you might see a pattern in how they were placed.
For those who don’t, most likely neurotypicals, let’s break it down.
Here they are separated:
The “Main” 5
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Receiving Gifts
- Quality Time
The Autistic Languages
- Respecting Space
- Memorizing Details
- Info Dumping
- Problem-Solving
- Respecting Schedules and Routines
- Parallel Play
They’re all the same thing, worded differently.
Here’s how I paired them up and here’s where I’m going to be a bit snarky:
- Physical Touch / Respecting Space
Right from the start, I see the issue of love languages being used to exert power over someone, most likely a woman. AND there is truth to the fact some people like physical touch and see it as a sign of affection, giving and receiving it. And there are also some people who don’t like touch. Now, I understand some people feel if they aren’t receiving physical touch, they feel unloved, but if you know full well the person you want touch from doesn’t like touch, how are they the ones being unreasonable? By respecting the space of those who don’t like touch, you’re showing love. And someone who respects your space, your boundaries, in general, is showing love. Respect, at the very least. - Acts of Service / Memorizing Details
Here’s where I see the issue of love languages being used to justify women belonging in subservient roles comes into play AND I see where there can be a healthy application of it. Instead of it being called “acts of service”, how about we change it to “showing kindness”. There are people out there who show their affection through acts of kindness, and autistic people tend to be those types. If they’re with someone who feels receiving gifts is a sign of affection, then they’re golden. And here’s where the autistic love language of “memorizing details” comes into play; how can you do acts of service for a specific individual in your life if you don’t remember details about them? Autistic people try to remember as many details as they can about a person they love, so, when you forget something about them, they feel unloved. You denied them a “service”. Don’t act like you’ve never felt hurt by it, too. - Words of Affirmation / Info Dumping / Problem-Solving
“Words of affirmation” is NOT mine; in fact, they annoy the shit out of me. “Good job!” The fuck, am I 4? HOWEVER, if you want to talk for hours about your favorite thing, which is info dumping, go for it. Share your excitement with me! I might do the same thing with you if my ADHD hasn’t pulled me away from the conversation! And if you have a problem, bring it to me! We’ll fix it together! If all you want to do is vent, and do nothing about it, I suggest you get a journal so only your time is wasted. And, hopefully, you reading through your journal entries will spark you wanting to do something about the problem. Then tell me about it. “Here’s how to fix the problem you’re having” whether you want to problem fixed at the time or not, is, “I love you.” Wanting to help, is a sign of love. You’re welcome. - Receiving Gifts / Respecting Schedules and Routines
For those who don’t know, autistic people thrive on a predictable routine. Morgan, quoted earlier, gave a decent example in her “How autistics show affection” video, linked above the quote; if she knows someone in the house takes a shower at 5:00pm every day, she’ll make sure the bathroom is available at that time. Autistic people thrive on predictability. As a result, many don’t like surprises, especially surprise gifts. So, if you want to surprise an autistic person you KNOW doesn’t like surprises, it can’t be a full-on surprise. Do what Morgan’s partner does for her and give a hint at what they will be surprised with. What’s a little funny about this is many autistic people also like to surprise people with gifts. Why? Go back to item 2. - Quality Time / Parallel Play
Most neurotypicals think if you’re not doing something together, then it’s not quality time. Which is why “parallel play” is not recognized by most as quality time, let alone play. Yet there are times when people think parallel play is cute. For example: when Mr. Frederickson and Ellie, in the movie Up, are sitting in the living room, reading, they aren’t doing anything together. They’re in the same room, doing their own thing. If you think it’s cute then, but someone wanting to do their own thing while you’re in the room doing your own thing isn’t “quality time”, you have some unpacking to do.
We can talk about the creator of the love languages being an asshole, but it doesn’t change the fact the usage of love languages has helped people. Susan B. Anthony was a racist misandrist, but that doesn’t mean we get to drag women’s rights back to 1864.
We also have to remember the creator isn’t the only individual who ever used their love language to try and take advantage of someone. The bullshit idea that women “need” to have sex with their husbands so they know they’re loved has been spread around for, probably, longer than I’ve been alive.
In addition, women have been saying for, I know, longer than I’ve been alive how they feel unloved, on top of unappreciated, when their husband doesn’t do their fair share of the housework.
Now we have names for that. And, like any other communication tool, it can be abused. And, since autistic people have a hard enough time communicating, let’s not take tools away.
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Well, this is all for today! Thank you for reading!
May every decision you make be in the spirit of fairness and may the rest of your day NOT go to $#!7!
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Sharing God’s Love through Acts of Service
Greetings, dear friends! Happy #MotivationalMonday! Today, let’s talk about sharing God’s love through acts of service. 🤗
Scripture of the Day: Galatians 5:13 (NIV) - “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”
Service is a beautiful expression of love. Let’s follow Christ’s example and seek opportunities to serve those in need. Whether through small acts of kindness or larger efforts, every act of service reflects God’s love to a hurting world. As we serve others, we become conduits of His grace and mercy. 🌟
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Cup of love this morning. Merci Bella! #love #jtmr #coffee #actsofservice (at Kirkland, Washington)
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cpz-OuaL7EE/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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LOVE, LOVE, LOVE – aus dem a körbchen
NEW BLOG POST!!!
do you know your primary love language? how do you show affection? I definitely took quizzes to find out my love language(s) more than once (as you will see in this blog post) and I find it a fascinating topic, which is why I wrote a whole post about the five main love languages.
read it here: https://bit.ly/3EuzFU6
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my emotional support kindle…curbs my general anxiety by allowing me to disassociate at any convenience…but has fostered a new anxiety around not having a chaotic book stack that properly reflects all the books I’ve read
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What is your love language? How do you give and what do you like to receive?
I like to give acts of service and enjoy receiving touch and quality time!
We don’t all speak the same love languages and so learning these things about myself was so important in how my husband and I communicate with each other.
#fivelovelanguages #actsofservice #qualitytime #garychapman #weddingphotography #foundationsofmarriage #agoodmarriage #loveissimple #brideandgroom #touch #weddingday #bestdayever (at Wente Vinyards And Golf)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CeHKI30PBuq/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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I Can’t Stress Enough…
I Can’t Stress Enough…
I was sitting and talking with a friend the other day, and I was perplexed to listen to her describe her interactions with her upper management. My friend has a fancy title and she tries hard to do what is needed for her team, but she has found it difficult to deal with some of the issues she is having in her building. Whenever she tries to ask for help, or expresses her frustrations to her boss…
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Serving and Responsibility
On a ride home with a buddy of mine the other day, he and I started talking about serving others and what that looks like. The conversation led him to reveal that he has a hard time not taking on the responsibility of the individuals that he is serving. He stated that while he wants to serve others, he finds himself wanting to take ownership of people’s needs and responsibilities. He told me that…
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Self care and self love brings you love.
#lovelanguage #giftsservice #actsofservice #affirmations #qualitytime #encouragement (at Mumbai, Maharashtra)
https://www.instagram.com/p/Calj2o4qlGY/?utm_medium=tumblr
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Reflections of 2021
This year started off slower than usual. I felt that it took me longer than usual to get my rear in gear. I thought it took longer to plan out what I wanted to accomplish this year on the heals of one of the craziest years in my life. My Reflections…
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This year started off slower than usual. I felt that it took me longer than usual to get my rear in gear. I thought it took longer to plan out…
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4 ways to be kinder:
Give someone a genuine compliment!
Call someone who may be feeling lonely.
Express gratitude more often.
Make someone else’s day easier for them with acts of service.
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Motivating each other with love ❤️ and good works is a good idea to start the new year 🙏🙌💥👊💪🥰😍🙌🤝
#love #actsofkindness #actsofservice #selflove #patience #bringthejoy
https://www.instagram.com/p/CJ3khMTj57T/?igshid=im2u6psgjz3k
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You Need These 10 Habits to Have a Successful Life!
You Need These 10 Habits to Have a Successful Life! Are you floating lost in your life looking for the key to becoming a productive adult? Your search is over!
This post contains affiliate links, this means that I receive a small commission for purchases made for the products linked here. This in no way changes the price you pay for the product, but it allows me to offset the costs associated with blogging.
I don’t know if you all know this, but I am a HUGE Jordan Peterson fan. While working I will listen to YouTube videos for hours on end until my…
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Reflections of 2020
Reflections of 2020 - This year started off slow and casual, at least for me. Then the outside world came to a screeching halt. This turned everything upside down for a lot of people. I had so many plans before this all happened. What did I do?
This post contains affiliate links, this means that I receive a small commission for purchases made for the products linked here. This in no way changes the price you pay for the product, but it allows me to offset the costs associated with blogging.
This year started off slow and casual, at least for me. Then the outside world came to a screeching halt. This turned everything upside down for…
