Escaped Enshittification

Windows for me was a matter of convenience. I was never able to afford Apple products. Windows? Well it was piratable, and I even bought a home licence for XP and managed to cycle through the various upgrades with it.

And I remain horribly nostalgic for XP.

But with Windows 10 being put down, and Windows 11 not even trying to hide Microsoft’s greed and incompetence, it was time to switch.

I’d used linux before. I’d tried various distros from Ubuntu, Mint, Gentoo, Kali, etc. Even played about with making my own using Puppy. And of course Raspbian, because I have an ADHD relationship with Raspberry Pi projects.

In the end I decided that it was time to leave Windows and switch to Ubuntu. One of the more stable and well known, and virtually every tutorial and walk through you google will with it.

But that’s also where it falls down often, as most Linux distros do. Because to someone who doesn’t use it regularly, or coming straight from windows, it’s not as intuitive. The drive mounting, the networking, the fact that you still need to use terminal for various things, and the worst in my opinion, is that like 80% the dumbed down step for step walk through tutorials expect you to know various niche commands, formatting and such.

They’re still being written for fellow Linux users and enthusiasts and not the dumbed down customer service level required for the greater population. Android is a good example of how that should be down I think.

And let’s not get started on the naming conventions for programs and commands. I get it was faster to leave out all the vowels for repeating stuff and write faster, but geez.

Having bitched and moaned a bit, I’ve been on Ubuntu since Win 10 ended support, and I’m 100% comfortable with it at this point. The programs I want to use work well, as do the 99% games, and whatever else I need to do is not too difficult. But that’s only because I’ve made the effort to learn. Many, MANY, will not, and would rather fork out a fortune for something they could get for free with a little bit of work.

Btw, the reason the symbol for Linux is Tux the Penguin, is supposedly because on a trip to the zoo, a fairy penguin bit Linus Torvald (the guy who wrote Linux as we know it).

Little Ride Around

Ok, actually not so little, went for a couple of hours this Sunday morning to stretch the legs a bit. Weather was a mix between sun-peaking-out-between-clouds, and default British Grey drizzle.

In either case, my route took me through twisting and turning country lanes, ending up at Trinity House Lightvessel in Harwich.

Had a moment of confusing as the tourist board had “The Boat That Rocked.” in the same font of as the movie of the same name. It’s one of my favourite movies, such a banging soundtrack, and amazing cast. The ship never actually featured in the movie, though it did have some actual pirate radio history of it’s own, so I guess we’ll let that slide.

In all honesty, I wasn’t particularly interested in it. I just needed a destination to lock in on and head towards. Many a year ago I lived in Harwich/Dovercourt for a couple of years as a teen. Took the slam-door train to Colchester for high school, went crabbing at the ha'penny pier, learned to skateboard, etc. Formative few years but back then Harwich & Dovercourt weren’t much to write about.

(No free parking for motorcycles, and I didn’t want to download ANOTHER FUCKING PARKING APP, so I didn’t hang around long).

Oh, and the Marauder? She’s riding absolutely brilliantly. Had a few false neutral moments, and stalled once or twice at roundabouts for not being in the right gear. There’s a reason it has an L-plate after all.

Nimble and quick when she needs to be, so comfortable, even when hitting a pothole. New rear tyre is absolute perfect so will thank my local mechanic for that.

After Harwich, detoured via Manningtree which is gorgeous and will stop properly at some point, before heading home.

This week I’ve got a thing coming up and rather than public transport, I’ll be taking the bike into the nearby city (which’ll always be a town to me but whatevs).

And as ever to remind myself
“Idiots far stupider than I still manage to drive and ride well, so I shouldn’t doubt my own ability.”

ADHD Brain Day

It’s doing that thing again. Pressing on with a fleet of trains of thought on their criss crossing tracks, crashing into each other or attempting to Tokyo Drift on rails.

Thoughts are currently revolving around subject matters like job search, correct answers during interviews, sense of worth, skill or lack there of, capability and willingness, the injustice that is capitalism, time, supporting our autistic daughter, idealism, am I good friend, or even just good enough, do I pass a bar or minimum standard, am I socially repulsive and that’s why I can’t get a decent job, am I even capable of office work or am I only suited to menial labour and minimum wage even though the minimum wage is an arbitrary number throw on a politicians dartboard so that there is a poverty class workforce to be exploited for the benefit of the rich, why did I miss so many opportunities to be rich, I’m incapable of contemplating the future beyond an abstract feeling with no true structure or planning methodology, but I still want to be useful and supportive to friends, family and society, isn’t that a worthy ambition, I know it doesn’t have to be a requirement and I can live a hermitted life if I wanted to, and sometimes I do, I never brought the office based skills to the forefront, and situations kept me from developing my hardware skills to be self employed, not that I even have the self discipline to manage myself in self employment because I can’t even determine my own worth, and if I did no one would even consider purchasing my stuff or services because I can’t imagine taking money from people who could do something more important with it for their benefit.

It is so fucking exhausting and I just want to stop thinking. Just want my brain to be quiet and enjoy the humble life I have.

Oh great. The pansexual polyamory curse strikes again.

I have a crush on my friend(s).

Though it may be simply Schrödinger’s Relationship.

Time to bury some deep seated emotions and feels.

I have in my mind an idea that is fermenting. A world setting, either for RPG or writing or whatever. So I’m just gonna word vomit.

But in my mind I’m seeing a super earth sized continent. Biomes that’d put our continents to shame. Not just lush with green, but terrifying in it’s breadth and size. Pine trees as tall as sequoias, thousands of years old. Lakes that are miles deep. Forests that are thousands of miles across.

I imagine it’s old. So old. Imagine the stagnation of technology of Star Wars, and apply that to nature. Hundreds of thousands of years, millions even, forests and deserts that never change.

Mankind doesn’t cling to survival, but it’s presence is inconsequential to this world. There are villages, spread maybe three or four days travel from one another. Cities too, but they are ever sparser. Rather than spread evenly, the villages and cities are insular and self sufficient mostly.

And as I said, it is old. Civilization on earth is about 12,000 years. In this world, it may be a 100,000 years, or longer. Ruins upon ruins upon ruins litter the world, so easily forgotten across such epochs.

It is perhaps a grim dark setting, like Dark Sun, but where Dark Sun has sparse life and nature, a barren world, this world is the opposite. Life and nature is abundant, and cruel, and terrifying.

A village may have entire graveyard kept within the hollow of an ancient tree.

Elves are elegant still but feral, rarely if ever setting foot on the ground.

The North and South poles are vast mountainous regions, home to dwarves and vicious storms.

The tall trees that almost reach the clouds create their own biomes in the sky, and are virtually impossible for man to cut, so it must settle for the regular trees they can manage.

We’re talking old school fantasy. Sword and sorcery like in Conan and Sonja. Civilization doesn’t know anything beyond the next couple of villages or cities over.

The most important part of any of this is the immense scales. Time and space. The distances to traverse unfathomable. Entire peoples and cultures completely missed, never even seen due to impracticality of travel.

I’m sure there are others who have fleshed this idea out further, be it in novel or film. But that’s what’s in my head right now.

What would you caption this?
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Family.
But let’s be 100% clear about that word family.
It does NOT require blood relations. It does NOT require nuptials. It does NOT require in-laws and out-laws, or Aunt Karen at Thanksgiving making snide remarks about your shape/gender/orientation/beliefs.
I can’t stress to you enough that family is support and love and respect, even when wildly opposite in attitudes and beliefs.
Don’t for one moment think that because someone gave birth to you, you’re obligated to respect them even if they haven’t earned it. Nor raised alongside a sibling who is toxic and abusive, or any other blood relation.

“But isn’t blood thicker than water?”
BITCH, THE FULL SAYING IS:
“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”
(it’s one interpretation, referring to the camaraderie and brotherhood shared by soldiers in conflict)

Let’s get this straight. Family is a choice. It is NOT a duty or obligation.

If your parental unit emotionally blackmails you, disrespects your choices in life, insults your identity, or flat out ignores or abuses you, then that person has failed in their role to raise you. They have actively chosen to use you instead for their own emotional well being.
Same might be said for your own offspring, though this is much harder to process and navigate. They might be at a stage in their life where they are finding their own identity, or influenced by negative sources, and it may pass, it may not. You will feel as if you have failed as a parent. But you could do everything right, not make any mistakes at all, and it is still possible to fail.
In both cases, the hardest decision will be to cut them from your life, and move beyond their reach and influence.
(I know, I’ve used the term fail in both situations here, but it is a subjective process and for you to interpret that.)

But then there’s the flip side, and I’ll share with you my experience.

You have a friend, say a barman you met as you were in your late teens/early twenties, and you’ve become best of friends over the years, and he knows your mum, and you know his parents, and whenever you’re together you’re supporting each other, getting into trouble together, and helping others together. And one day he says to you “You’re like a brother.”
That day you can choose to just say “Thanks, man.” or like me “So are you, bro. I love you.”
And the old traditional sense of being like siblings applies. You may not even talk to each other much, or see each other much, but you both respect and love one and other.
I choose to call him brother, as he did to me.

And it’s not limited to brotherhoods or sisterhoods. Throughout your life there will be those who will care for you like your were their child, and you might do the same for others. There might not even be a clear type of parallel with traditional family roles, but that doesn’t negate the love and respect shared.

So let me finish by saying this.
I support your choice of family, and you should support yourself with that. Support and love each other, when those that supposedly should, don’t.
But don’t begrudge those that do have that support and love from their blood relations. It was their choice as well.

On a separate note, if you feel like you need dad/bro/son hug or embrace, hit me up.
I’d walk with you at Pride. I’d hold your hand after surgery. I’d stand with you at your wedding. I’d sit with you at Xmas or Thanksgiving dinner, and give Aunt Karen looks of “Shut your mouth, Karen, you’re deeper in that glass than angler fish in the Mariana Trench.”

Not as good as the past two runs. Apparently weather is a difficulty modifier. Still, did my best under the circumstances. #zombiesrun #itswet #verywetoutthere #
https://www.instagram.com/p/BtHAdyUlMVp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1qu8frihx32ef