I listened to a class this morning about trauma informed erotic humiliation. And, I think they made some really good points.
A) Humiliation is not a blanket term. There are several emotions that fall under the humiliation umbrella.
B) it is super important to negotiate what emotions the sub/bottom wants to experience and what they don’t want to experience in the scene. It’s a part of negotiation that often gets left behind, but with humiliation, it’s super important.
C) Whatever acts are happening in the scene really are colored by the emotions the sub/bottom wants to experience. An example they used was piss play. If someone wants to feel owned, soaking their clothes and teasing them about how everyone will know they belong to you because you’ve marked your territory, or having them drink it and playing on the “now you have some of me inside of you” aspect could work. If they want to feel broken… you may throw them to the ground and piss on them while standing over them, while being quite a bit more harsh with your language.
D) Everyone has different risk profiles! So it is _super_ important to actually know yourself and your risk profile, because there is a lot of potential for real life harm with humiliation. An example is… personally, I will not play with any humiliation that is connected to a real core insecurity. It’s outside of my risk profile, it’s something that will stick with me for a long time and affect my day to day life. But things that aren’t related to my deep insecurities would be fair game. I like feeling a little embarassed. And don’t like feeling like I’ve failed in some way.
E) REMEMEBER THAT DOMS/TOPS HAVE LIMITS TOO! One of the presenters is a sex worker from another country, and he mentioned that he had a client who wanted to be humiliated because all of his relationships failed, and his girlfriend had just left him. And the Top said they weren’t comfortable with that scene. It was outside their risk profile and the potential for actual harm was too great.
F) It’s a really subjective kink. What’s humiliating for one person won’t be for someone else. It can also vary based on the day! One of the presenters is super into dumbification. And most of the time it’s a steady turn on for them. But one day, he failed at test at school when he’d had a dumbification scene arranged for that night, and, they had to shift. It didn’t feel safe that day, due to circumstances, even tho it’s a major kink for them typically. That’s why check-ins, even within a 24/7 dynamic are important.
G) High Risk/High reward does not work out for most people. You can have your own risk profile, but also keep that in mind. If you choose to play with really risky, close to the heart things, your risk of either getting very hurt or really damaging someone else increases exponentially.
H) Emotional aftercare is important especially for mitigating risk. Reassuring someone after, cuddling, making sure they know it was just play, etc, can definitely help with mitigating risk. And the aftercare is likely to be more than just the immediate moment after a session. It could be days of reassurance, depending on what came up and how it affected them. One of the presenters mentioned that a D-type had tried to humiliate them by saying they talked too much. But it seriously stuck with him, for weeks, and sometimes still comes up as a fear of being annoying for talking too much. If you’re gonna play with someone you an emotionally sadistic way, you have to be able to reassure them after the fact, and potentially much longer than you anticipate if it hit a deep chord within them. Remember aftercare is about helping get someone back to ground zero after a scene, if you do the damage, you help them heal from it. 🫶