I’m leaving and no one will stop me

you’ll never meet anyone like me until you check the dumps and bar bathrooms again.

My husband “quit” drinking for me but it might not be enough 34F 36M

I 34F, and my Husband 39M, have been together for 12 years married for 7. Early on in our relationship I knew he was an alcoholic, but it was never really a problem. He didn’t get drunk daily and when he did he would get a bit sloppy but nothing major.
Something happened to him personally about 5 years in, right after we got married (I wont get into details as it may identify us and I don’t need that) and ever since then his drinking increased, and when he would get drunk he would get really mean.
It never got physical but he would say incredibly nasty things to me. He would call me all sorts of names, tell me he hates and many, many other things. It got so bad that every time I saw him with a drink in his hand my entire body would tense up, my heart would race, I would feel physically ill.
A little over a year ago I told him I was done. I said he needed to quit drinking and get some help or our relationship was over. I’m generally not a fan of ultimatums but I felt like I had no other choice.
Since then, he has not really quit drinking but he has slowed down drastically. He has not gotten drunk now since October 2024. He will have a few drinks here and there but he has not gotten drunk. He has not gotten any help as he doesn’t believe in therapy.
The thing is, even though he hasn’t gotten drunk in over a year, I still get that same feeling every time I see a drink in his hand. It just completely sours my mood and I shut down.
So I guess here is my question. I am considering leaving him but I feel like it would make me a shitty person to leave him now after he has significantly cut back his drinking for me, but I also don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life. I know he will never go to therapy and I know he will never stop drinking completely. So how do I move forward here? Do I stay with him and just get some help myself? Or do I move on even though he made a big change for me?

He…didn’t even meet any of your expectations, though??? He’s still drinking, and he has not gotten help. Those were literally your two expectations, and he’s failed both of them. You should follow through with your ultimatum and leave. Tbh, I think it’s pretty wild you knowingly married an alcoholic in the first place simply because you thought it didn’t impact you (alcoholism absolutely impacted his physical health, his mental health, and the relationship before he became abusive). I definitely think you should get help for yourself to sort through all this. Be prepared that you’re probably gonna hear about a PTSD diagnosis at this point. Good luck.

Porn-Induced Isn’t Just Hyperbole

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Z6qEoLecBZI

Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction is often dismissed as an exaggeration.

But the brain tells a different story. After reviewing tens of thousands of brain scans, a consistent neurological pattern keeps appearing. Dopamine pathways shift and arousal becomes conditioned to artificial stimulation rather than real connection.

Then the stories start surfacing. Thousands of people quietly describe the same struggle they believe is only happening to them.

Each brain is unique, yet the pattern emerging across men is strikingly consistent.

Porn-Induced ED Isn’t Just Hyperbole 🧠 👉 Appreciate Curtis Phillips for having me in this conversation. Bringing the neuroscience into everyday conversations is how real awareness starts.

#pornaddiction #pornbrain #pornaddictionrecovery #porninduceded #arousaldysfunction #dopaminedysregulation #dopamineimbalance #rewireyourbrain #neuroplasticity #neurofeedback #brainhealth #neuroscience #mensbrainhealth #sexualhealthneuroscience #modernbrain #digitaloverstimulation #brainrecovery #dopaminerecalibration #neurobiologyofarousal #dopaminerecalibration #neuralpathwayrestoration #autonomicsafety #vagaltonerecovery #bioregulation #rewardcircuitry #prefrontalcortex #neuralplasticity #menshealthneuroscience #addictionrecovery#mensmentalhealth #quitpornaddiction

via Dr. Trish Leigh https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC2UjsmTlsL1IhqiRt2oKvXA

March 16, 2026 at 12:26AM

NYC101706 by a Psychiatrist’s view
Via Flickr:
Snowstorm ManHatTan Photography’s new conscience linktr.ee/GlennLosack glosack.wixsite.com/tbws

NYC101704 by a Psychiatrist’s view
Via Flickr:
Times Square train station ManHatTan Photography’s new conscience linktr.ee/GlennLosack glosack.wixsite.com/tbws

NYC101405 by a Psychiatrist’s view

Addiction/Recovery

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_single_image image=”2946″ img_size=”large” alignment=”center” css=””][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column width=”2/3″][vc_column_text]There are many opinions as to whether addiction is choice or disease, but the fact of the matter doesn’t matter when you are battling it. It takes you over physically, mentally, emotionally, and choice or not, the struggle is very real.…

Addiction/Recovery

☝️

Forcing myself to stay off tumblr and other fanfic websites from now on. I broke a personal streak of mine and i’m tired of breaking it every other month or so. I’ll be back, eventually. Or not, let’s just hope I do.

So i started on my methadone again and the pharmacy got me in this program called the safe supply program so now im prescribed hydromorphone and its actually like i dont need or even rly crave fentynal on it at all i just like take my methadone and take a pill when i get a craving and im fine, i think in a few months once ive stably been not using fentynal at all for awhile i can have them ween me off the hydromorphone and the methadone and get a shot of sublicade which is another opiate replacement medication but its an injection and it lasts a month but u cant use opiates at all when your on it or you will get rly sick but its like a miracle drug for anyone wanting to get sober so i think once im not using the fent at all for a couple months i can get the sublicade shot knowing i want fuck up and use and make myself rly rly sick ill get the shot and be sober from that point on i think by august ill be sober :)

Clean for good this time, i keep saying that tho. I tattooed ‘quit’ above my right knee. I also had a mushroom trip that made me believe in true absolute redemption and handmade a rosary about it. Still dont really know what im doing. I will always always always be an addict but i will try to live virtuously. I need something noble to strive for or ill never stop. Im deep in the withdrawals rn so im pissed all the time and my body is constantly sore, especially my back and eyes. Ive stopped talking to friends and family. I can tell im on a cognitive decline. Im stupider than ive ever been, super slow. I feel super detached because everyone is stressing me out. Its not the worst episode ever, just annoying.

Dxm is very dangerous, my lungs feel like they’re caving in on themselves whenever i lay on my back. My cat could tell when i was high and would avoid me. Ive never related to sam ray more than i do now.

Anyways just having a bad night, i needed to write something down.

TW: Dermatillomania, addiction, adhd, ocd and s/h (?)

“Everyone has a bit of adhd”

Until i tell you that i used to peel the skin off my feet and i could not walk properly because it hurt too much but i could not stop. (i’m better now don’t worry but my brain replaced it with something else that i’m not saying cause its so gross)

Of course it’s easy for you to go a couple days, a week, no problem without me, like I never existed in your life…

How easily I was written out and without warning, without consent, you wrote someone else in.

It would be nice to know I meant something, but in the end your life is your own, your choices are your own, ghosting and acting the victim after you did ME dirty is a right you have …

But I hope it burns a hole in your heart one-day, the hurt you cause to others.

I wish it was only me; but every friend, every family member who really gave a $hit… I watched you hurt them too.

I hope when you get sober, you go back to the you people trusted and loved… But I hope it sits with you how messed up what you did was, and I hope it changes you - makes you so you never want to see it happen to anyone again.

I hope life makes you contemplate the pain you cause through escapism from your fears and pain, the way it has been pushed onto everyone else as you don’t take accountability

Until you do, the pain will spread, the cycle will repeat, you’ll pull in some other poor soul, either as a partner or as a friend, or through the actions of the way you live and people you choose.

“Nago was afraid to die. Now, I too, carry within my breast a poisoned human bullet. Nago fled, and the darkness took him. I remain, and contemplate my death”

Coming up: Is addiction a brain disease, a problem of character, or both (or neither)? Josh and Ray can’t get enough of Hanna Pickard from Johns Hopkins University, author of “What Would You Do Alone in a Cage with Nothing But Cocaine? A Philosophy of Addiction.”

🎧 Sunday at 11 am on KALW 91.7 FM in San Francisco & https://www.kalw.org/show/philosophy-talk/2026-03-13/what-is-addiction

having a lot of the same seemingly-undiagnosable chronic pain problems that led my father to an addiction that took a lot from us as a family & seeing people who know us both loathe him for being an addict is not validating or helpful in the least. and it makes me feel unsafe talking about my pain, which was another factor in his addictions spiraling so much