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I chose this one for a few reasons. Last week during session, I had spoken about a day where I felt off. I felt drained and when I got home I had to take a nap instead of working out like I planned. And it turns out that the following day, Kim had a complete breakdown about her shitty, man-child husband. Madeline told me last week that my energy was drained by Kim without either of us knowing it, and it’s because I am becoming more open through the work I am doing.
Then this week at session we talked about the journey last week. And I spoke about how it was powerful for me to hear the encouraging words of my family, because not all of my experiences were negative as a child. Not all of my family was like Grammy and my dad and it was another reminder of how fake all my anxieties are because I definitely was loved. But the negative tapes won out of those positive memories.
And we spoke of how it affected my painting this week, and it helped so much, but I was unable to finish a painting because it was the blizzard that day. Jess was asleep and me and Mike were home and Mike told me he was thinking of going out at 4 PM to start shoveling. So I gave myself plenty of time to get my painting done before then. But as I was working on blending the colors, I heard him get up and leave the apartment to start before 4 and he didn’t say anything.
I was in the middle of what I was doing so I said to myself, I’ll get to the part where I have to wait for this coat to dry anyway and then go and help him. Right when I was about to finish Jess woke up and was going to get ready to go out too. Turns out Mike got mad at hockey and went to get started to blow off steam.
Madeline said it was huge for me that I didn’t let myself think about why he went outside before the agreed time and why he didn’t come get me. I saw it as, I was told a time and I am going to finish before that time. So in the end I think this elixir comes from multiple places: my last elixir, because I hadn’t worked out at much because I felt that energy drainage, and also what I learned on my journey in that sometimes when I do hook into others’ energy it’s because of the negative tapes from childhood that bring out my anxiety but all of that is an illusion. The work I have already done helped me not to hook into worrying about why Mike went outside without telling me and allowed me to decide that was a him issue and not a me issue.
So when Madeline asked me this week what I wanted to release, I asked about the example last week and she had me remind her what it was. Eventually after discussing through it we came up that what I was looking to release was me hooking into someone else’s energy that is not my own and when I asked originally, I thought it was about Kim but after discussing it I realized it also had to do with what I learned on my journey. So in the end it all fits very well.
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When I say no one would miss me when I’m gone, I know that’s not necessarily true, but I can’t help but feel like my absence would be more beneficial to those around them than what I provide right now.
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[ID: Homestuck narration reading:
You could always try to guess his name. But instead of that, here’s a better idea. Why don’t you just fuck off and go to hell?
End ID]
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Top Flight
ROH on HonorClub #154
12 fevrier 2026
Ring Of Honor
Arlington, Texas, USA
Arena: Esports Stadium Arlington
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Persephone
ROH on HonorClub #154
12 fevrier 2026
Ring Of Honor
Arlington, Texas, USA
Arena: Esports Stadium Arlington
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Lance Archer
ROH on HonorClub #154
12 fevrier 2026
Ring Of Honor
Arlington, Texas, USA
Arena: Esports Stadium Arlington
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The unicorns at your stables keep ramming into each other for dominance, and it’s actually starting to become an issue.
Hopefully no wizards looking to pick one up will question the tennis balls you’ve haphazardly stuck on the tips of their horns.
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What’re you gonna do? Organize locally? Start protecting and taking care of yer local community? Build the local infrastructure needed for national change?
(Art sampled from “Batman” Vol. 3 #154 by Chip Zdarski, Carmine Di Giandomenico, Tomeu Morey, Clayton Cowles, and Rob Levin. Edits: Dialogue.)
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154: Rowena (Macleod) NPD
DEFINITION ⦂⠀A Rowena Macleod themed NPD for those whose NPD is affected/influenced by Rowena Macleod, pwNPD who like Rowena Macleod, et cetera.
ADDITIONAL ⦂⠀Coined one the 26th of September, 2025.
TAGGING ⦂⠀@c1rcus-of-silliness⠀@pdsarchive⠀@radiomogai
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I am, in fact, trying. I saw a really good animation on ed today
https://youtu.be/IZksXgdROqo?si=wHvMnwwJtYuWYAD6
I very much enjoyed it because it really captures the temporal component of the experience and the blurred edges between anorexia and bulimia. People like to think they’re so distinctly different when it’s literally just a matter of degree in habits that keep a person from being diagnosed anorexic or bulimic. Like I’ve definitely had stents where I ate way more than my average and while it wouldn’t tip the scales into binging it certainly is a great deal more than “normal”.
I really hate the ignorance of chronic mental illness with physical manifestations. In ed, nothing you do is healthy, even the healthy things. Because it’s your mind, not the behaviors that are sick. You could be engaging in a regiment that might be otherwise healthy for someone else, but if you’re doing it in the efforts to satisfy the ed gods, you’re actively engaging in ed. Like me rn. I step on the scale once in the morning and once in the evening. I’d argue that anyone doing it more often than that probably has a problem even if they have a healthy relationship with food, but I could see it being okay to weigh yourself once or twice a day especially if you’re training or really trying to get a hold on your weight. But I do it primarily as a reminder of just how much I shouldn’t eat that day. I try not to look at it beyond that, there is no moral failing to a little backslide. And since I’ve decided to handle myself with care in not berating myself for eating too much, I have to compensate and handle myself with less care in another department. The numbers.
I have a literal goddamn google doc titled “The Numbers” with my weigh and measurements listed out every couple months or so. It brings me both a great deal of stress but also comfort to have the numbers to fall back on. I use them to guide me in my everyday eating because the numbers can’t lie. They don’t magically change on a whim like a mind does. They’re concrete and without alignment. They’re quite cosmic that way. They make it very hard not to hold yourself accountable because at the end of the day, the numbers didn’t do this to me, I did this to me. And while reconciling myself with that can be v fucking difficult I’ve found that beating myself up over it is way less productive than buckling in and trying harder tomorrow.
And that’s what every weigh in is. Tomorrow. Not just an opportunity to do, to be better, but a quiet affirmation, a prayer even, that tomorrow’s something I’m interested in living long enough to see.
How fucking deluded is that?
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Started to reread the early chapters of Global Examination (the manhua) since its been a whole since I read anything before the duke arc, and wow rereading literally everything that 154 says and does with the angle of knowing the truth is so interesting. Like hes very good at keeping his secret, but when you know then things really stick out.
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@lunangel1 everytije i post them im taging you cuz its just us
sorry everybidydy this is just me and my wife
