Might make for an interesting read…

can we kill the idea that yawning=bored because there’s a million reasons to be yawning and being condescendingly asked “oh im sorry are we boring you?” because of something you can’t control is really rude.

you’re not boring me this is a side effect of my medication but thank you for deciding that my yawns are some sort of insult toward you and going on the offensive i loved it 👍

It’s always funny to me when people think they should take your actions personally when most aren’t meant in that way 🙄

I just rage-paid Tumblr to get away from the music of an ad.

my brain has subconciously decided that tiktok is “unhealthy” but tumblr is “healthy” which i dont think is entirely true but i kind of like the idea.

I understand and agree with this

My nose is a waterfall

It’s interesting how busy my life gets whether at work or being with my fiancé, friends, and/or family and I just don’t think about daydreaming. It’s even weirder when I start to realize I don’t miss it. But if I fall back into it during a lull, I’m sucked right back into my head.

Yesterday I didn’t have to worry about getting up for work. So, I laid in bed and daydreamed for nearly 24 hours. Today, I’ve got to be at work in a little over an hour. Oh how I wish I could just not work 😭😭

Out of curiosity, does anyone who maladaptive daydreams also experience very vivid dreams?

Yeah I totally get it! It’s a mixed bag of emotions for sure. I have good days and bad days because of madd.

I just hope you have a better time with it than me!

Was hanging out with my nephew and his parents at a coffee shop when I heard him say they needed to get to the park so he could make friends.

This kid is gonna be alright. I’m proud and jealous of him for thinking normal kid thoughts and being sociable. I wish I was that way at 7. I’d have died before saying how I felt 😅😅

I look at people around me who can just get up and go do the thing that needs to get done without ever considering the need to think about it. If you’re confused, consider hearing my monologue when I know I need to do the dishes.

*I see the sink, so full of dishes*

“Ugh, I don’t want to do it. I know I need to do it, but I just can’t. I mean I can, but for some reason I feel like I can’t. Maybe I’m overthinking this. It’s just dishes after all. I’m so lazy, I’m literally overthinking dishes so the anxiety will grow in my stomach and I’ll eventually turn away and not do them. Oh look, here I go. Turning away…”

And then I proceed to feel even more anxious because I know if I just did the damn dishes I’d feel better but I can’t because my stomach is being squeezed into a knot.

I want to be independent and to fix my own problems but I also want people to notice me struggling without me having to say anything and to even get to that point, I’d have to develop deeper connections. Oh the conundrum.

Feeling Torn About Daydreaming

I know it’s pointless to imagine changing the past but sometimes I do it as a guilty pleasure. I like to imagine my life as someone who wasn’t born with massive amounts of general anxiety and eventual Persistent Depressive Disorder.

I imagine myself, talkative, friendly, happy, and most importantly, carefree. When I was in high school, Lily (my character- or para?) was the class president, super charismatic, and put together. She wasn’t necessarily a genius or drop dead gorgeous but she didn’t feel scared about raising her hand to answer a question, got up with ease to throw something away or sharpen her pencil, or wasn’t afraid to tell anyone, her friends included, how she felt. Myself? In real life? I hardly raised my hand, could barely look my classmates in the eye, would rather sniffle as quietly as possible than get up for a tissue in front of everyone. God forbid I felt upset about something someone said or did. I certainly wasn’t going to utter a word. Now I get genuinely shocked when people just say how they feel and the situation gets fixed. It’s like an embarrassingly wild concept to me.

So, what I like to do is imagine myself as a teenager who didn’t lay in bed or swing on the playground all day while daydreaming to my hearts content. Part of the reason I did that is because I didn’t have anywhere to go since I lived out in the sticks so what else was there to do. I was also flat broke and we didn’t have money for things like extra-curriculars unless grandparents paid for it and they couldn’t afford it all the time (they were too busy buying us things like a new washer or oven or fridge or paying for our phone bills or helping us finance bills so our water wouldn’t get turned off).

Because of this, I change my entire self when I daydream about the past. I imagine that I grew up middle class, living in the state I was born in and not the one we moved to, that I didn’t experience trauma as a kid so no need for a coping mechanism like maladaptive daydreaming, which means more time spent being centered and focused on opportunities to make friends and experience life, and each day I could get to know myself a little more.

When I finish, which is usually when the dopamine dies out, I just end up with mixed feelings about my daydreaming. I like that I can have fun imagining the what ifs but I will never be able to get over the fact that nothing can change the past. On top of that, I hold a fear that as I’m continuing my daydreams, I will be 10 more years down the line wishing I could change my life from right now. I know I need to focus on the here and now but if feels like an everyday struggle. I just wish I was comfortable with myself, the real me.

I think about how much I glorify Lily in my head. How she can remain calm in the oddest of situations because “this is nothing compared to what I’ve dealt with” when it’s not like I haven’t been through anything.

As of this year and the previous one, I’ve started noticing this odd feeling when I think about how I could be just as comfortable with myself as Lily is and the best way to describe it is like she has a secret and I’ve been pushing against this malleable forcefield trying to figure it out. I’ve been feeling like I could just about push through, that maybe I’m a couple “ora oras” short of breaking into the vault. I can’t figure out why I feel that way, but it’s both comforting and infuriating. I wonder if the secret is obvious. I wonder if everyone else has that knowledge like maybe it’s a skillset that they’ve leveled up and I’m nearly 30 and still don’t even know it yet.

Maybe one day I’ll figure it out.

I feel like my body is vibrating, I’m anxious for no good reason, and all I want to do is curl up in bed and daydream my character is a cat being cared for by the Stardust Crusaders.

Is that too much to ask???

I’ve stooped to degenerate daydreaming to search for that feeling I get when I have an interesting plot and get to think about these cute little characters all day.

This means I will need to find a new hyperfixation soon.

What are the odds?

Question for those that Maladaptive Daydream:

Do you incorporate yourself into your daydreams and if so, to what degree? Or do you see yourself as more of the creator/producer?

For a long while since my diagnosis of Persistent Depressive Disorder I’ve made a name for when my depression starts reaaaally showing itself. I call it my “blanket time” because I love wrapping myself in a blanket to either doom scroll, half watch movies, sleep, or eat.

Does anyone else have a name for their depressive episodes? Or maybe your depression in general? It feels oddly better to give it a name.

I know it’s gonna be a while in my depressive state when I don’t even want to daydream. It feels overwhelming. Like, ew get away from me. I know you usually act as my coping mechanism but not right now babe.

*Starts to get bored of current obsession*

Oh man, this sucks. I’m not getting the daydream dopamine anymore :(((

*Remembers character I’ve barely daydreamed about*

Awwwww yeah, here we go again. Run it from the top! Time to learn everything ever about them 😊😊

I’ve seen two former classmates from high school today and normally I want to hide from them. Instead I incorporated them into my daydream a bit so that was fun.

Real emotions mixing in with my daydreams

It’s interesting to feel what your para feels. Last night, I was in the throws of daydreaming a piece of my para’s past where she has experienced traumatic loss both in death and a break-up. The song “Habits” by Tove Lo inspired the daydream and I’ve done it a few times before but this one was different. As an adult, I can buy alcohol and cigarettes and will on occasion (although the cigarettes are much more than ‘on occasion’) and I decided to use those tools to really immerse myself in my para’s mind. I took a couple shots and then downed nearly 2/3 a bottle of wine in my adventure to create an accurate daydream.

It was an interesting experience as I smoked my Marlboro Smooths and listened to a carefully curated playlist that included much of Billie Eilish’s work, and some of Tessa Violet’s, Dodie’s, Tove Lo’s, and more. I felt myself moving around in that leisurely way a drunk does on their bed as smoke filled my room despite the open window and I laughed out loud in what must have looked incredibly strange considering how silent everything was outside of my headphones when I would come up with a hilariously drunk comeback to a sober question.

I have done this once more a few weeks ago and even sat down to type up an excerpt but got distracted not long after I started. So, this go round I decided to read Tumblr fanfiction of Kakyoin X Reader stories that would randomly give me line ideas because, of course, I had to somehow add him into my para’s backstory despite his appearance 10 years down the line. Nights like these are what I will miss when I get married next year but I get the vibe my fiance really won’t mind too much when I randomly get drunk and dramatically smoke cigarettes to my “Drunk Nights” playlist.

There’s always been a piece of me that enjoys anonymity. I like not telling people certain things, like none of my friends knowing I have this account. I can just post here and not expect to hear one of my friends say “Hey I have a comment about that post”. The post just disappears into my timeline like it does in my brain.

This account affords me the privacy of being able to talk about my daydreams without worrying someone in my life will ask about it or tell me I’m too old to be daydreaming like this. I know that I am. I know I should let go but it’s harder done than said.

Bit by bit, it will slip away and until then, I can post about my thoughts on here and enjoy other’s fanfics or head cannons or when they talk about their paras and such.

I never realized how magical getting a pedicure is. I get to watch the news too so I feel all adult

Normally I try to understand the need I currently have by looking at my daydreams. By doing that, I can try to express them outwardly and have the need met in reality.

However, I’ve noticed that this isn’t always true. Sometimes, I’m just a normal, bored human wanting to daydream. Only issue is, I can get too into the plot, absorbing the main emotion and feeling negative for no legitimate reason.

To this, I say, “MaladaptiveCaptive, we MUST think of Lucky Star! Pronto!” This show helps me find a motivational, positive emotion.

It will work for now. Of course, I’m at work so I can’t watch it now that I have the itch for it 🙄. But soon, soon I will leave for work and get my fix 💛💛

✧ ‧₊˚ ꒰ 💭 ꒱ ⋮ I spent a day with MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMERS by SmoshAlike

╰┈➤ An interview conducted by Anthony Padilla over people who have experiences with maladaptive daydreaming and/or are maladaptive daydreamers in a video format.

exactly