I’m sad because tomorrow is anniversary of grandma js death and it’s been 3 years… she doesn’t or well didn’t even know me or any of us really and she wouldn’t have believed we exist or were hurt (her son was our main abuser) but I still miss her and love her and I am sad that she is not alive ):
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Like D3, I did this journaling thing with this dog– here is my feelings coloring
The instructions: ‘Draw you or a plushie and where the feelings are in your body – Is it a lot of energy or is body tired? Why do you think the feelings feels differently in body? What feeling is making body feel this way? And when you have it drawn what can you do to help body? Draw or list some things to try’
My colors are light gray for disconnected/dissociated, dark gray for dull pressure, blue for 'sad’, red for dull pain, and yellow for tense– the little diamond is me (I’m more in our head right now than the whole body I think) and the lines at the neck and back legs are more severe dissociation cause I know they’re connected to my body but it doesn’t really feel like it entirely…
The energy is slow and sluggish and heavy, and it’s stuck in the throat and the chest and behind eyes.. sad I think feels like this because sad is a lot to carry, and pain is sharper because it’s hurts physically, and tense is ache like
I think maybe I’m all tense too because of either posture or maybe me or someone else else is scared or both
Things I can try are maybe hug something to make sad less, talk to someone to make sad less, adjust the way I am sitting for the pain etc, uh I can take a painkillers if I need, and I can do some grounding to try to feel the body more
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I did the big feeling journaling from here, the first one where you draw then in your body, I will share the instructions and also i got the dog here
‘Draw you or a plushie and where the feelings are in your body – Is it a lot of energy or is body tired? Why do you think the feelings feels differently in body? What feeling is making body feel this way? And when you have it drawn what can you do to help body? Draw or list some things to try’
Here is my diagram of feelings using dog
Light gray - dissociated / disconnected
Red - pain / ache
Orange - pain AND scared tight
Yellow. - scared tight
Dark gray - hungry but also hollow (scared)
The orange on eye should be red I think but it’s ok, it’s not lots of energy it hurts and heavy and tired but the scared is restless lots of energy and feels bad, the pain hurts and the hungry is just sitting
I think the pain feels like that because it’s trying to say it feels bad and the tight is because of.posturr but also scared so body tenses, the dissociated is because I’m not really connected to body well ): and hungry hollow is both cause I’m hungry and because I’m worried about sleep and stuff so it hurts or well it feels bad not hurts
Things to try…
- rest (lie down no phone)
- stretch
- close eyes for a while
- hot shower tomorrow morning
- gentle touch (nice comfort touch)
I want to do the other part that says big feelings as art but daddy already got mad at me for being awake so I try to sleep I guess even though still nervous