been watching the damn daniel show
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on the site youraislopboresme i got the prompt “Your favourite yaoi” so i badly scribbled my lovely OC yaoi here lol
Sorry to the person who submitted the prompt probably expected anime men and got my sillay ass…. i wonder if theyll find this
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I’m so silly.
I have been thinking about buying a jacket, a padded jacket, preferably white to wear over everything that I wear because I’ve been really sensitive to cold this year. Probably because of the lack of blood in my internal streaming site. Anyway, so I went to buy a jacket and guess what, I found the perfect jacket for me. Perfect because 1. it has pockets, 2. it’s light beige—almost white, and 3. it reminded me of the jacket or vest that Natasha/black widow’s sister likes—which has lots of pockets, of course. And I love pockets. I love pockets on everything but being a woman means our clothes don’t have built-in pockets. Even if we miraculously get one, the pockets are so small it’s irritating. And I hate to carry a purse, like that’s one more thing i have to be responsible for (as if being responsible for my own self is not hard enough—now I have to carry a bag too).
OK, back to the jacket, which even though it was so lovely, it came with problems. 1, it’s for children—14y+—but I thought I could fit into it. I’m a shorty. I live in a land of giants (to me, because I’m short and they’re taaaaaaaall. Even their children are tall. Their 13-year-olds are taller than me.)(so unfair🥲). So I thought, ok, I will try it on, and if it doesn’t fit then I’ll just put it back and quietly carry the embarrassment until the day I’ll forget all about it. I carry it to the trial room, I try it on and guess what?!!?!?!??? It fits almost perfectly. The parts around the hips are tight because obviously it’s for a 14y old and my hips are wide now —the result of baking 3 children inside a built-in oven, called Mama’s belly (we have a built in factory but not built-in pockets. Why?😡)— but the rest of it fits fine. 2. I have to wear it inside and I’m a roundy and I’ll look even more round with this on. But I wasn’t ready to give up. So, I convinced myself to buy it and I did. I was so happy and finally felt accomplished, ready to look better, pleasant, and Pinterest-worthy.
My fantasy melted away faster than a sad little candle when I was waiting for the bus. I knew I couldn’t wear it. I will look hideous. I spent so much money on a jacket. If I can’t wear it then it’s a waste. But I didn’t have the time to go back and return it. (Now that I’m thinking about it, I should have gone back.) I could have returned it quickly.
I somehow consoled my heart with a promise to try the jacket on again today, and then maybe I’ll look good and maybe I’ll be able to keep it, and maybe wear it, and maybe I’ll look good, and maybe I’ll cherish it, and so much more. But no, I saw I was right when I put that jacket on. I looked puffier than a puffer fish. I was a fish on land without water. And I was a fish in a white beautiful jacket with pockets. And fish don’t wear jackets so beautiful. Fishes are unworthy to have this jacket or any jacket.
I wear the jacket inside my flowy, not shiny armors and I looked like a fishbowl. I looked so round that I had to take everything off at lightning speed. As much speed as I can master anyway, which is definitely not enough to call it lightning speed but it was to me, so🤷🏻♀️.
Then I wore it again on top of my armor, and do you know what happened next??!?!?!?! It looked like the pinterest version of me—the one that I desired—almost. Because it is still made for a 14-year-old, and I’m not, and it is smaller on me when I wear it over everything, then I look funny. I fell in love with that jacket again but I couldn’t keep it. My heart was breaking. I fell on my knees. I clutched my heart in yearning—for a jacket. Then I stood up again and called myself “dramatic”.
So, yeah. Now it’s final. I’m going to give up this baby.
My heart is weeping.
A mother’s heart can never stop loving a baby.
Even if the baby doesn’t belong with me.
Even though I love it.
But sometimes you can love something and still let it go.
That’s why,
Dear jacket,
I love you but I’m letting you go. For you to thrive and be adorned to someone else. I wish you to be happy. I wish that whoever gets you, loves you the way you deserve to be loved and when you’re loved remember that it is because I was brave today to let you go instead of shoving you inside my closet and never wearing you again. I hope the person who gets you cherishes you and knows your worth.
Goodbye, yours lovingly,
A drama queen at heart.
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My dream wasn’t living in chaos,
It was living in a quiet space, enough to hold me.
I never dreamt of having tiny faces nuzzle into my chest,
But I dreamt of finding myself between folded pages.
I thought life leads you to your deepest desires,
Not to small living things who wrack you, build you then—
I don’t know what comes after then.
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dripping shittounge
slightlyfixed the insane proportions + quality decrease disguised with editingbullshit
