#relatable?

having a monotonous voice and only smiling in situations where smiling is not something i am meant to do has unsurprisingly caused some problems

What’s up with the hate of weird people? Like yes be funny, be wild, be a bad bitch and serve cunt like HELLO??!?!!! (and I’m also talking to my boy fellas) Just do you and stop giving af

So, my best friend is best friends with my boyfriend. (if you can understand that, great. If not, sorry, but I don’t think you will) In other words, my boyfriend and my best friend are best friends. I don’t have a problem with this, just to clarify. In fact, I love it. Because whenever they hang out, she tries to take sneaky pictures and videos of him and send them to me. XD I love it!
I have memorized all of the audio to one of the videos she sent me ten minutes ago. (Please tell me if that’s normal or not. I NEED to know if I’m just being normal or if I’m being a creep. I feel like this is something that most people do, just don’t talk about) It’s not even him talking. He’s looking away, oblivious to the video, then he looks at it, smiles, waves, and the video ends. The person talking is my best friend’s mom. She’s talking about something completely different.

I think I’m in love.

I’m also gonna rant about him for a while, because I don’t like ranting about him to my friends, because I don’t want be the girl that’s nonstop talking about her boyfriend.

So… I’m just gonna dive into our whole little story. You guys are getting every last detail! (Nothing inappropriate, I promise. We’ve literally only held hands. DON’T COME AT ME FOR THAT, WE’RE JUST A BIT SLOW)

Anyway, in sixth grade (I’m in eighth grade now), I had a “crush” on him. We’ll call him… Leo, just for funsies. So, I had a “crush” on Leo and I told my best friend this. She said she could definitely get him and me dating. That’s exactly like how it was presented too. I was too dumb to realize she meant he had a “crush” on me too.
So, I thought it over and decided, yes, I would love for my best friend to set me up with Leo. So, the next day at recess, she told him she had found him a new girlfriend. I don’t know what she actually said, because I was hiding. Yes, hiding. I hid and came out when she said it was me that had a “crush” on him. It was INCREDIBLY awkward. We stood there and looked at each other. Then I said hi. And he said hi. OH MY GOD!!! WE HAVE THE SAME BEGINNING AS NICK AND CHARLIE!!!! I THINK I’M GONNA FREAKING EXPLODE!!!! AAAAHHHH!

Anyway… it was really awkward that whole first year. I completely avoided him for weeks. But now, we’re amazing. And I love it. I love him. Although, there was a huge thing that happened to our relationship this year that is just as pivotal as when we started dating. Sometime earlier this year, I started questioning EVERYTHING about myself. haha, yay. And I did do a biiittt of self harm. And I did have a feeeewww suicidal thoughts. But the only two people that got me through that were my best friend and him. In other words, he basically saved my life.
There was a while where I thought I got through it, but then it all came back about ten times worse, and I thought I didn’t love him anymore and that scared me more than anything. And after about two months of pent up emotions and stress and anxiety, I told one of my other friends that I thought I didn’t love him anymore and I was thinking of breaking up with him. She reminded me that my happiness and well being comes before anyone else’s. (btw, none of my friends, family, or my boyfriend know about the self harm) After a few more weeks, I broke up with Leo and I could barely even say it. Seeing the heartbreak in his eyes hurt everything inside me and it took everything in me not too offer him a hug. I cried for ten minutes straight afterwards.
We stayed broken up for exactly nine days. I realized I was just in a really bad spot and couldn’t handle any type of relationships with people at the moment. I had felt a little trapped. So, when I realized that, I worked on helping myself get better. Then I realized that I would need relationships in my life to help me get through the hard parts. The relationship I had had with him was very much one of the more important ones. So, we got back together after I explained to him that I was handling a bit of a mental breakdown in a bad way.
We’re doing amazing now, and if anything, I think that little bit made our relationship even stronger. I’ve had my days, but I’m also doing good.
Here are my top three favorite moments of him:

One time, my friend was teasing me on writing in a little journal and not showing people. I was writing a rant about my parents and I didn’t want to seem too teenager-ey. I had said I was writing about my family and she said “Isn’t [Leo]your family?” He was right there, btw. And he said, “not yet.” Those exact words!

Every year, my school has a Saint Lucia ceremony-thing. It’s actually a lot of fun. There’s a part where everyone gathers into a few circles and we hold hands and do a dance. Last year, he made sure that he was right next to me for it. Isn’t that cute?

This year, on Valentine’s Day, he was adorable! In class, we had to make a card for someone we care about. Our teacher would not be grading or reading them, thank god. Leo wrote his to me and it was adorable. He said he never wanted our relationship to end and he wrote me a cheesy poem. (I also made mine for him)

I love him.

I imagine myself as more of a critter than I do as a person and I think there’s something freeing about that

Leg bobbing be like my tail wagging

I low key wanna be cuddled by someone i love and care about and hold a strong emotional bond with as i fall asleep

I wanna write. But I should let my brain rest (long weekend). But I wanna write.

I have until the end of march to have a better job, and be in my own place.

Because of things I can’t control.

Might have a genetic predisposition to being sad all the time

Been so long since I’ve been on a date my heart literally drops out my ass when I get a message like this from a guy I’m talking to

3am and haunting realisations eating me up.

I asked myself if I was the normal amount of anxious or the bad amount kind of anxious and then realized most people don’t feel “normal” anxiety in their teeth

I’m at the gym and I just saw an old lady playing sudoku while jogging in the treadmill and I strive to be that kind of person but I swear my mind and body don’t work at the same time

i got friends who watch dexter and I’m so embarrased to tell them that i actually am lowkey attracted to harry

I have consumed so much Heated Rivalry content in the last 24 hours I’ve rewatched the entire show in just gifsets.

Sometimes I hate the way I look but then I remember that there have been some people who have crushed on me so it’s not all bad

Rereading rps from when you were 12 or 13 is not for the weak. I was cringe and free but at what cost?

Does anyone else struggle with avoidant attachment, or am I just crazy and should go to therapy?

Sometimes I feel like life would be easier if I were born a nepobaby.

I wanna be collared and dragged around on a leash and be called a good girl low key