A concept sketch for a piece based around

i’m delirious from classes everything is due all the time

My birthday cake

it’s time to dive back into the wild world of Morrowind and discover what hilarious chaos awaits us next!

✦ Sarika Khosith ✦

Finally got an outfit design going for Sarika :-)

She was surprise conceived in Balmora to parents Brethyn and Satil. Brethyn was a Ferrier on the Odai River who often transported goods and info for the Morag Tong between Houses and cities under the guise of taxeying. Her mother was a mostly writ-working blacksmith who had a contract with the Tong for the production of armor and weapons. She wasn’t picky about who she’d sell to if the money was right enough for her to turn her nose the other way.

Sarika was forged into a particular weapon of her own kind inside Satil’s womb as she continued to smith throughout most of her pregnancy.

When she finally came into the world, she was surrounded by company. Babies, especially inside the Morag Tong were as you can imagine, rare. Midwives dove into the tent, men drank and played music outside, It was a long labor, and a big district celebration.

!!STREAMSCHEDULE!!

3/17 - Dark Future: Blood Red States

3/18 - World of Warcraft

3/19 - Morrowind Remastered

3/20 - Game Night

Nerevarine’s Journal: Morrowind, Part 1

“The old man is, apparently, quite averse to wearing a shirt.”

Journal of Adairabi Mirellaku:

Nerevarine

Vol. I

18 Sun’s Height 3E 427

Given the odd turns of recent events, I have decided to keep a journal to document them as they unfold. I have always wanted to keep a journal, but never could til now.

I was born in the Ahemmusa tribe in the Ashlands of Morrowind. My given name is of little consequence; it does not belong to me, or anyone, anymore. My name is Adairabi Mirellaku now.

My father was the Ashkhan of our small and peaceful tribe and my mother was a scout. I had a brother and a sister, and I was a hunter.

I was born female, but I knew my soul from a very early age, and the the wise woman told my family that it was best to listen, so I was a boy and then a man in all but

body.

I should have learned to be content with it. But I found the way I developed so distressing. There was a Hlaalu merchant, Veli, who often came by to trade, and we knew Veli as a kind but melancholy man. One day, I was with my dear brother and sister, bringing home the meat of a troublesome kagouti, when Veli appeared, changed. She had become a woman and it was as though a weight had lifted from her.

I had prayed to the Good Daedra to change me with little success. Boethiah wanted sacrifice - a life to prove my commitment. I couldn’t; the Ahemmusa are a peaceful people who do not kill unprovoked. Mephala wanted me to sow a plot that would have ruined the Zainab and left them starving and landless; I couldn’t, for the same reasons. Azura, good Azura, said in a dream that I was to do great things if she said no, so she said no.

I asked Veli how she managed it and she said she went to Vivec, one of the murdering false gods od the Tribunal, who is every gender and shifts their sex at will.

Azura forgive me. I know my siblings saw the look on my face. I know they would have known if I’d left and come back changed like Veli.

So I faked my death with the bones of an unfortunate pilgrim and my armor and I went to Vivec. They changed me. How odd, to owe one’s life to a murderer. Disturbingly captivating.

I changed my name but kept my Ashlander identity as much as I could afford to without revealing myself. For going to Vivec, I would be banished or worse, and I can’t bring that shame upon my family.

I became a mercenary. A sellsword. Shameful work, but it pays better than hunting. And the most remarkable thing happened.

I was escorting a Redoran oathman out of Morrowind (I think he was on the run but knew better than to ask) when I heard a commotion. Bandits had attacked a caravan. I intervened. The oathman and

nearly all of the guards lay dead, but so did the bandits.

My tribe are pacifists, and I should not have intervened. But to stand by in that moment seemed naive, cowardly, and most importantly, dishonorable.

The caravan, disguised as something so unassuming, concealed the Emperor of Tamriel himself. I knew better than to tell him of my true thoughts about the s'wits who opened up Vvardenfell to more settlement and cost my family, my culture, so much.

Uriel called me a friend and offered many rewards. Having few prospects, I accepted, knowing I’d be able to leave if the Empire asked me to assist in their conquest and corrupt domination.

I was taught to read and write in his language and, because I insisted upon it, in Dunmeris. I learned their customs and manners. I became so like them, when I wanted to, that I can be invisible.

And I was sent to work as the Emperor’s agent for a sensitive matter that I shall not share here. If it came out how much my betrayal cost the

Empire, I would surely have to fake my death once more. Best not to risk it.

The Blades found me and imprisoned me. I was scheduled for a swift and quiet execution. But the Emperor, out of some naive sentimentality for the friendship he thought we shared, or perhaps some sense of guilt, ordered me sent to Morrowind to assist a Blade there. The fool. I’ll interfere with their imperialism again no matter what it costs me.

I’m on the ship now, writing in a notebook I begged for. Will have to steal better ink.

1 Last Seed 3E 427

Had that dream again - the one about a beautiful woman with a Dunmer’s features and an Altmer’s golden skin, telling me all sorts of pretty things before stabbing me in the throat. I wonder what those dreams mean.

There is another prisoner aboard the ship. He’s a tough old Dunmer with one good eye and a shorn head. He has the shakes of one in need of a skooma fix, but he’s alright. His name is Jiub.

I have decided to pose as an outlander. I’m keeping the Ashlander name I chose, but if I tell people I’m Ahemmusa, I run the risk of my true identity being discovered.

Being a sellsword was so much easier.

16 Last Seed 3E 427

We’ve arrived in Morrowind. I was woken up from an odd dream by Jiub, who said I slept through last night’s storm. A female voice that sounded like Azura told me, in my dream, that I had been chosen, and I saw odd visions.

It’s probably just a dream, but to be honest, it scared me more than a little. But I’m no superstitious Urshilaku. I’m going to do my best to ignore it; after all, there is too much happening to dwell on it even if I wanted to.

We arrived in Seyda Neen, a small port town I’ve never been to until now. When the guard saw that I was a Dunmer, he told me I’d “fit right in” as though I’m not an Ashlander posing as an outlander. These House Dunmer, in all their snobbery, will hate me. The Ashlanders won’t trust me. Ignorant s'wit.

They’ve given me a package to take to an Imperial in Blamora. I suspect that abandoning this “mission” and running would just get me killed; this seems important. So I’ll do what I’m told like a good little n'wah and betray them when the moment comes. Maybe then, Uriel will get the message that I want no part in the injustice that is the Empire.

I’m writing this in a shop before I head north to Balmora. People here talk about the strangest things. A Bosmer I just met told me there’s trouble on Solstheim, as if I’m meant to care about Imperial business there. At least he believed that I’m an outlander, and that I hadn’t seen the ring I stole from the Imperials. Azura forgive me. I know it’s dishonorable, but I have nothing, and that enchantment could save my life or buy me a warm meal. Besides, he’ll be fine.

Anyway, a Nord in Imperial armor asked me to find where he keeps his valuables and steal them for him and I refused, so I suppose Fargoth and I will have to call it even.

16 Last Seed 3E 427

Decided to walk to Balmora rather than taking the silt strider. It feels good to spend time in the parts of Vvardenfell with no buildings again after so long. I’ve stopped in Pelagiad. A Dunmer I met when I walked in said it feels like a village in High Rock, and I’m inclined to agree. I hate it here. This is Morrowind, not High Rock.

I think the merchant at this trade house figured out that the book I sold him was stolen. He still purchased it, but refused to sell me a bow. I feel bad for stealing it, but I have to admit I liked the rush. Anyway, I stole another book from him. It’s shameful, but I’m no longer Ahemmusa. I’m freer now, in a way, but I’d still prefer to be home.

And that’s the Empire for you. So indignant about theft, but they’ll still take a cut of the profits.

Anyway, I managed to find another Ashlander here. He wasn’t very warm at first, but a little flirting put him at ease and got him talking. He’s left his tribe to become a trader or something, but from what he said, it sounds as though the soul sickness and blight storms are getting worse. I fear for my family.

I also met a khajiit named Ahnassi who suggested I go to the cornerclub in Balmora and look into joining the Thieves’ Guild. I laughed her off, but perhaps she has a point; all I’ve done since I got here is steal and it would be nice to have connections who are not so firmly lodged up the Empire’s ass.

17 Last Seen 3E 427

I am writing this from the Ghostgate. After leaving Pelagiad, which I’m beginning to suspect is full of members of the Thieves’ Guild, I came across a pretty young Breton woman who looked as though she came from wealth. What a peculiar and naive girl. I suspect she’s been reading too many romances because she told me a bandit had robbed her and, unbelievably, she was interested in him and wanted me to find him for her. I obliged; why wouldn’t I, just for the entertainment? I had to see where it was going. He actually reciprocated! Unbelievable!

Anyway, I took a detour on the way to Balmora. I just had to see the Ashlands again, despite the risk. I fought my way past a few cliff racers and found my way to the Ghostgate. A ghastly concept, using one’s ancestors to power such a device. But what else is there to do?

And when I arrived, I found none other than Julan Kaushibael, from my tribe (sort of). We were close-ish as boys, but he didn’t recognize me with my new body, new voice, even my new name and face, since even that changed a bit…. As much as I’d like to say hello, it’s too dangerous. But he needs help, so I’m helping him now. His mother was a wise woman. Both are outcasts now. I suppose he’ll explain the mission he’s on in time, when he learns to trust me.

18 Last Seed 3E 427

Found our way back to Balmora. We went to the cornerclub where I was meant to find information and I joined the Thieves’ Guild on a whim. I suppose it’s better than the racist assholes in the Camonna Tong, but Julan doesn’t approve. After that, we managed to find the Blade I was sent for:

Caius Cosades. The old man is, apparently, quite averse to wearing a shirt, and he lives in a very small room, smaller even than a yurt, and appears to be addicted to skooma. I don’t think that’s a cover. I think his addiction is real, and that it couod be dangerous… or I could take advantage to break free from serving the Empire. We’ll have to see. He didn’t want to talk with Julan there, which Julan didn’t like, but all he did was name me a novice of the Blades (ridiculous) and tell me to gain more experience before he’ll let me take on other orders.

Time to steal a diamond for Sugar-Lips Habasi and hope my old friend doesn’t leave me for it.

He spoke of odd dreams. I hope it isn’t soul sickness.

20 Last Seed 3E 427

I’ve been doing odd jobs for the Thieves’ Guild, just to get some pay and experience. Julan isn’t particularly happy about it, but he doesn’t interfere or report me; in fact, he helps if things get ugly. Yesterday, we managed to free a slave the Camonna Tong were using to smuggle drugs. She would have been cut open and killed had we not intervened. We brought her to the Argonian Mission in Ebonheart.

And last night, we freed a thief who was being held prisoner by using an Imperial official’s corruption against her.

I think Julan will stay forgiving as long as I continue to help him train to be a better warrior for his secret mission that I’m not allowed to know about.

Hopefully, soon, I’ll be skilled and experienced enough for Caius to actually give me something to do. Or perhaps he’ll forget about me and I’ll be able to leave.

A part of me wonders if my old friend can get me back into my tribe, somehow. A part of me dreads the idea; I’d miss seeing the world and having adventures.

I’m get genuinely scared in most video game dungeons and avoid them at all costs but yelling “suck your nan” at skeletons in Morrowind helps overcome this fear somehow

Journal of Adairabi Mirellaku: Nerevarine Vol. 1

A brief introduction to the Morrowind portion of this project is in order. It is worth noting that I play my games with mods. Most of the mods won’t be relevant to the journals; they improve the graphics, visuals, combat, and other mechanics that Adairabi has no reason to write about, but they keep the story mostly the same.

For Morrowind, the main exception is the Julan Ashlander mod by Kateri. Julan is a companion mod with his own quests, character arc, and commentary. I highly recommend picking up this mod for your own playthroughs, as Julan is beautifully written and a joy to have along.

It’s worth noting that this is my second time playing through Morrowind, Oblivion, and Skyrim as Adairabi. His backstory was already pretty set in stone before I decided to start this project. I knew nothing about Julan going in except that he’s an Ashlander; detailed information about his story is surprisingly difficult to find, and one future project may be doing a playthrough for YouTube with him so that other players can get to know him. Even his guide, while very helpful, lacks details to avoid spoilers.

All of this is to say I had no idea that both he and Adairabi share a very important aspect of their backstories until i got to that part in Julan’s story.

Thankfully, the details I included were vague and I didn’t actually have to go back and change much as Julan’s story was revealed to me (which is fortunate, as this journal was written in pen as I went and is, out of necessity, a first draft).

I just felt that a disclaimer was important so that anyone following the project doesn’t get too confused. It didn’t change the intended relationship to Julan nearly as much as you might think, but it created an interesting dynamic because I unexpectedly got the opportunity to explore their relationship through a rather unique lens. Adairabi knew Julan when they were young. Julan does not know he knew Adairabi because Adairabi’s identity and appearance have changed and he’s keeping secrets. That’s all I’ll say.

ALT

Welcome!

This project is the result of my decision to replay Morrowind, Oblivion, Skyrim, and ESO while keeping an in-character journal full of first-hand perspectives of in-game events, complete with sketches. It’s a fun project, and while it means games require a lot more work, it’s a great way to get extremely into character as I play them.

Adairabi is a character I created. He was born an Ashlander but left the Ahemmusa to seek Vivec’s aid to solve a problem no one else seemed capable of solving. From there, he became a mercenary and lived as a Velothi (an Ashlander who had left the Ashlander lifestyle) until one fateful day when he helped rescue a caravan from bandits, unaware that the Emperor was inside.

Adairabi was given the opportunity to visit the Imperial City and broaden his education. Despite his hatred of the Empire, he agreed, which set him on his path.

First, he was sent as an agent to Daggerfall to investigate a haunting (I did not keep a journal for him during that playthrough and it is unlikely that i will go back to do so). He chose to give the Mantella to the Orcs and caused a dragonbreak. The Blades realized he had betrayed the Empire, arrested him, and were going to execute him, but the Emperor stepped in and had him sent to Morrowind instead.

So begins our tale.

Some interesting context that may be gradually hinted at or revealed as I make my way through the games is below. This is a spoiler that you may or may not want to be aware of if you follow this blog.

Lorkhan is said to walk the world from time to time in the form of mortals. Because men call him Shezzar, these incarnations are called Shezzarines. There are many rumored Shezzarines, including Tiber Septim, other souls that made up Talos, and Pelinal, but all of them are men.

This is because Lorkhan created men.

But men are not the only race who may view Lorkhan in a positive light.

The Dunmer believe that Lorkhan created the world to show the limitations of existence so that mortals may seek to escape those limitations and become something more through trials, suffering, willpower, and following the right path. The Ashlanders still believe this is the path that was shown to them by the Good Daedra.

Can we honestly claim that only men exist as they do because of Lorkhan, or feel they owe their creation to him?

If not, then why is every Shezzarine a man and not a mer? Why are they called Shezzarines?

Adairabi is like the Shezzarines. Perhaps Shezzarine is not the right word for him; he has never considered Lorkhan’s name to be Shezzar. Just like the Shezzarines, Adairabi is a fragment of Lorkhan’s soul, and he is, functionally, no different from them except that he is a mer and not a man.

It is said that Akatosh touched the souls of Alessia and her line and made them Dragonborn. They have the souls of dragons, but they did not necessarily start out that way; one does not have to be born a Dragonborn to be one.

There is a popular theory that the protagonist of each Elder Scrolls game is a Shezzarine. This would, by default, include the Dragonborn. Tiber Septim was both Dragonborn and, allegedly, a Shezzarine. The same is true for Wulfharth. There is a clear precedent showing that, despite the contradictory natures of Lorkhan’s padomaic influence and Akatosh’s anuic influence, one can be both a Shezzarine and a Dragonborn at the same time.

Adairabi is also both Dragonborn and Shezzarine. He has influences from both the padomaic and anuic sides of existence within him. Anyone with those traits is bound to be an exceptional person.

So Adairabi is a means of exploring a particularly fascinating piece of Elder Scrolls metaphysics and deeplore, but I’m turning the concept on its head and creating a character who has absolutely no reason to love or trust the Empire; in fact, Adairabi hates it, and with good reason.

This is a less-explored perspective in the Elder Scrolls universe that puts more emphasis on questioning the colonialist assumptions that form so much of the basis of the series. It’s also a fun way to make the games more interesting after a million playthroughs.

Also, umm…

That’s a Telvanni tower.

Even on the inside!

Morrowind NPCs are HIGHLY predictable

me: *playing a good guy who solves everything diplomatically*

dratha: *openly hates men and literally won’t let a male character finish the main quest unless he grovels at her feet or kills her*

me: my nerevarine has now murdered 1 person and rightfully so

Farah Abd HoonDing

Finally, after what feels like 500 years, I’ve drawn a fullbody and armour design for my Nerevarine Farah!

I’ve drawn a portrait of them once before but this is indeed the first time drawing Farah in full. I also have been developing their lore and story more, which you can find on their Toyhouse page.

Tamriel Rebuilt - Coronati Basin

A Man Possessed in Immersive Madness

Dance with the sugar-cat in Immersive Madness, with a over a dozen quests largely focused around RP but with some neat interactions and many memorable moments and laughs. I was consistently impressed with the vanilla+ quality and excellent writing, and it ties the quest line together very nicely as well. It also includes a few hidden cannon interactions, which is very cool.

Shrine interior pictured is from Daedric Shrine Overhaul

“Shit! It turns out, cliff racers can fly!”

Source

sadrith mora

ruins under gnisis

zainsipilu