Changed the word Lady for Domina in my user name because I can and because my hyperfocus is now satisfied.

Biggest crossover I’ve ever thought of(with my mother)

Mayfair Witches from the 1920s (Stella and Mary Beth) with Peaky Blinders, imagine them going to Birmingham (or vice versa) and them helping each other get rich and pull off heists on other gangs.

She’s a fan of Anne Rice and I’m a fan of Peaky Blinders, so she’s watching Peaky Blinders with me and I’m reading the Witching hours.

Also, who else could participate in this crossover of 20’s?

A Smidge of Hope Is Still Hope

Sat, Feb. 7, 2026

Content Note: Mention of eroticism.

I have been hyper focused on this trivial project I made up for myself. I’ve been bored and exploring a new social media just for something to do, and have been really into it this past 24 hrs. I don’t have any deadlines, it could have been a fun project to spread out over days to give me something to do—learning about it and implementing my knowledge—but noooo… brain said “hyperfocus until its done, forget about sleep!” 🧠🌪️🧲

I got about 2 hrs sleep yesterday. I’m hoping now that I’ve finished this self-imposed project, my brain will finally let it go since there’s literally nothing else to do. I’m so tired, I really want to be able to sleep later 🫩

My nesting partner is going to facilitate a discussion between two leaders of their Saturday Circling group before the Circling event, so they’ll be up early and be gone a long time. Well, longer than usual anyway. I hope, with a staggered intake of muscle relaxer, cbd oil, and microdose of THC gummy several hours before 5a, I’ll actually sleep today. I’m really over these sleep issues 😒

I’ve been able to hold onto hope for fibroid removal since my nesting partner mentioned there’s a possibility a Mayo Clinic might take my case, since all they do is interdisciplinary edge cases, and have a quick turn around time. I’m not totally convinced of the Mayo Clinic. I am extremely skeptical that I’ll get in, or that they can help, or how I’ll even get to one, but I’ve got a smidge of hope which is helping.

During my nesting partner’s weekly family video chat today, they updated their family on our visit with the obgyn. Their mother worked in an obgyn clinic at one point in her life, and shared that some surgeons she worked with had a very specific flow with the nurses, and were quite rigid about change. It felt validating to hear that indeed the obgyn/surgeon we met with had a factory like flow for able bodies only and was very rigid about change. What that obgyn tried to pass off as a me problem was actually a her problem. I hate when people don’t own their fucking shit, especially medical professionals! If you don’t have the skills, knowledge, and/or comfort, fucking say so instead of making it seem like I’m the problem! 😤🤬

I want to know what my PCP will say. I imagine I won’t hear from her until Monday at the earliest…

I just want to know what’s wrong with me and how to fix it 😫 I’m soooooooooooooooooo tired of this. I can’t keep living like this. This isn’t a life. I’m just alive. l keep trying to eke out any bits of joy I can with my nesting partner and my cat and my friends via text. I’m so so tired 😩

Gonna listen to this new romance novel I started, Out On A Limb by Hannah Bonam-Young with two disabled characters. So far it seems promising. I enjoyed her novella, Set The Record Straight, so I thought I’d give this a try. Although in this book, they’re a monogamous, cis-gendered, heterosexual couple, so that’s been meh… I mean, they’re not a couple yet, but they will be by the end, because: romance. Maybe this book will put me to sleep…?

I filled my mug with hot tea at 5a and left it for my nesting partner when they awoke (as they hadn’t left a mug with a tea bag for me to fill). Hoping my surprise will support their morning and day. Am so sleepy now.

I indeed slept! Almost 9 hrs! 🏅🏆 I’m slowly climbing out of post exertion malaise from the recent clinic visit.

Holy fuck I got my passport! And so much faster than expected!! They said probably middle to late March and it’s here already! The first page with my ID is different compared to the past 😯 My photo idea that circumvented blinding myself worked too! I’m so fucking excited and relieved! I finally have a legal, valid, and up-to-date photo ID again! 🙌🎊🥳🕺

We made a protocol to test THC gummy usage. I want to keep taking it because I feel ok when I have some (emotionally, mentally and physically, especially because pain is nearly gone). I want to feel ok all the time but without the risk of harm further down the road. Because I had that awful snafu with the medication that lead to my FND/seizures, I’m naturally hyper cautious of getting into another situation like that with unknown, long term outcomes. Also want to make sure if I need to get off THC for surgery that I can safely do so. I’m so grateful for my nesting partner’s science-y brain and the research they did to help us come up with this plan.

——————

THC microdose testing protocol

FIRST test of THC microdose @ 0.5 mg

* 1x Every other day, For 5 weeks (1, 0, 1, 0…)

* At 5 weeks, confirm if clinical withdrawal symptoms have been present in off days

* Symptoms are: increased insomnia, irritability, decreased appetite, and shakiness

If withdrawal symptoms are present, do not proceed to next test. Now choose:

* Lower dosage:

* Either increase time between usage,

* Use only as break through pain management,

* Take lower dosage at same frequency

* Or, decide to increase frequency to daily in order to avoid withdrawal, knowing clinical dependency will happen.

If no withdrawal then,

SECOND test of THC microdose @ 0.5 mg

* 1x Every day for 3 weeks

* At 3 weeks, go back to every other day for a week

* Confirm if clinical withdrawal is happening in off days

If withdrawal symptoms are present, do not proceed to next test. Now choose:

* Lower dosage:

* Either increase time between usage,

* Use only as break through pain management,

* Take lower dosage at same frequency

* Or, decide to increase frequency to daily in order to avoid withdrawal, knowing clinical dependency will happen.

If no withdrawal then,

THIRD test of THC microdose @ 0.5 mg

* Go for 6 weeks daily, and 1 week alternating to monitor for symptoms

* Afterwards, can keep repeating this test by doubling the weeks on it daily (12, 24) with a week of alternating before the next test.

* If no withdrawal symptoms by 24 weeks, likelihood of clinical dependency is unlikely. Can check in periodically with a week of alternating usage for peace of mind.

——————

My nesting partner knows I like fresh flowers and brings me a picking from their friend’s edible garden every so often, like today ☺️

I had a sizable meal after I woke up. Two servings of potato flakes, cod, and steamed carrots. I was so surprised that I wanted pasta a couple hours later. My nesting partner made us a batch and sat with me to eat together 😍🤩 I’ve missed that 🥹

As I ate those medium sized pasta shells, I couldn’t help but crave manicotti, though I would have settled for Alfredo sauce. So of course I looked up how much fiber cheese has. Zero. The answer is zero! Next week after testing steamed beets, I want to move on to cheese! I’ve abandoned cocoa powder since I had acid reflux, an irritated stomach, and mild nausea afterward. Doesn’t cure my deep craving for chocolate though 😖

My nesting partner enjoyed solo sex in bed before they fell asleep, without my involvement. I love that we have a dynamic where we can have separate experinces in the same space, and have our own erotic pleasure without needing to relocate. It’s so refreshing compared to typical ideals of how erotic pleasure and solo sex are portrayed in heteronormative, monogamous relationships.

Delusions. Art by Yoshi Yoshitani, from the Oracle of the Divine.

Ilmarinen’s Wife of Gold from Finland

Hyperfocus. Art by Yoshi Yoshitani, from the Oracle of the Divine.

Illmarinen, Kalevala, Finish Mythology

I’m basically calling this the ADHD card. You get so caught up in making the thing, you don’t think about the consequences

Back with Sheldon and Penny: Schrödinger’s cat

Life certainly has a funny way of showing me the way (wait, what is this sentence?! lol). Anyway, January feels like a marathon. I kept running and running – no time for catching a breath, even just for a moment. So I took a damn good rest on the first day of February. (YOU GO GIRL!)

But… taking a break on a Sunday could look like me ‘abandoning’ my responsibility. I know, I know, it’s sort of…

Back with Sheldon and Penny: Schrödinger’s cat

Me realising that I can´t understand or I have to put a lot of effort into understanding stuff about my hyperfocus because I can´t speak German (I still watch videos and read articles, even if I can´t understand shit, and I´ve been doing this for almost 3 years now)

I just… leave this here…

Should I? No? Okay…

Brawler older sibling and trying too hard younger sibling

I wish I knew how to draw so I could make this AU… Also, maybe I wrote a fanfic on Ao3… Maybe.

I hate getting up from my desk or chair to go pee. Like what do you mean I have to do that. I don’t wanna. I’m locked in.

“Living with ADHD time blindness feels like my brain didn’t download the software update called ‘sense of time.’”

Time isn’t just numbers on a clock—it’s how we organize life, make plans, and stay consistent. But when you live with ADHD, time doesn’t always feel steady. It bends, warps, speeds up, slows down, and sometimes disappears completely. That’s what we call time blindness. And let me tell you—this isn’t about laziness or carelessness. It’s how our brains actually experience time differently.

Here are 4 ways I personally experience ADHD time blindness:

1. “Now” and “Not Now”

The ADHD brain often doesn’t break time into hours, days, or months—it just feels like “now” and “not now.” If something isn’t happening right this second, it might as well not exist. That’s why paying bills, replying to emails, or starting a project for next week can feel almost impossible until it’s right in front of me. Deadlines sneak up, not because I don’t care, but because my brain doesn’t hold onto future urgency the way others do.

2. Hyperfocus Black Holes

Ever started doing something “just for 10 minutes,” then looked up and realized three hours vanished? That’s ADHD hyperfocus. It feels like stepping into a time warp—my brain locks in, blocks out the clock, and everything else fades away. It’s why I can work all night on a creative project without noticing hunger or fatigue, but then lose track of basic responsibilities. Hyperfocus makes time slippery—it either disappears or stretches into nothingness.

3. The Five-Minute Myth

If I had a dollar for every time I thought, “This will only take five minutes,” I’d be rich. Whether it’s running to the store, cleaning my room, or finishing an assignment, my ADHD brain underestimates how long tasks actually take. What I think is “five minutes” is usually thirty. And what feels like “an hour” sometimes ends up being fifteen minutes. It makes scheduling chaotic, because my sense of how long anything takes is completely distorted.

4. The Emotional Clock

Here’s the strange part: my ADHD brain doesn’t measure time in minutes, it measures it in feelings. If I’m excited, time flies. If I’m bored, one minute feels like a lifetime. Waiting in a doctor’s office? Pure torture. Working on something I love? Suddenly it’s 3 a.m. This emotional clock means time is tied directly to stimulation, not reality. Which makes routines, deadlines, and “being on time” extra challenging.

Living with ADHD time blindness means I’m constantly fighting battles that others don’t even see. Alarms, planners, sticky notes, and reminders aren’t just helpful—they’re survival tools. But even with strategies, it’s not perfect. And that’s okay. Because ADHD isn’t about failing at time—it’s about experiencing it differently.

So the next time you see someone with ADHD running late, losing track, or procrastinating until the last second—remember, it’s not about not caring. It’s about living in a brain where time flows like quicksand instead of concrete.

Time blindness doesn’t make us broken. It makes us human, living in a world that measures time one way, while our brains experience it another. And sometimes, the way we see it helps us notice things everyone else rushes past.

just sat down for two hours and made a full pokemon region. the superpower of Autism (fuck my stupid chud life)

Autistic culture is pins and needles

I’ve returned to hyperfocusing on some ocs of mine so no new like fics yet, but maybe once another hyperfocus returns ahaha.

I do be looking at the transformers again from a distance👀

Attention Directing and Holding Deficit

As I’ve previously mentioned, I have ADHD. I didn’t receive an official diagnosis until just a few years ago. This is because I’d completely dismissed the possibility for decades, for two main reasons:

When I was in about fifth grade, one of my teachers suggested I might have ADD (as it was known back then), so my parents had me diagnosed. As they later told me, the doctor said that if I was…

Attention Directing and Holding Deficit

One thing I absolutely hate about being in my 30s with ADHD is that EVERYTIME I LOCK INTO A PROJECT AND HYPERFOCUS, I FUCK UP MY BODY.

I was writing for a few hours yesterday and fucked up my hips and lower back ‘cause I sat in one position for too long… but I didn’t notice until too late because I was in hyperfocus mode 😭😭😭😭

Just send me off to the nursing home now guys - I’m not gonna make it.

Hyperfocus is an extremely intense ability to focus on a particular subject, for a duration of time that cannot be estimated. It appears on a whim, and turns off whenever it chooses. It is absolutely not the thing on which to base one’s identity and future life choices.

Richard Pink and Roxanne Emery, Dirty Laundry: Why Adults with ADHD Are So Ashamed and What We Can Do to Help

My hyperfocus is Yuki himself, I love him, I love drawing him, he’s my favorite character.

Went nose down in my aircraft/toy repaints/attempt at organization/modelling projects, missed the past week or so. Did I miss anything important, like maybe a holiday???? Nah, can’t be.

I was gonna go to bed early tonight but I just had 2 coffees and started a new stardew valley farm see y’all at 4am

My brain: “Go study”
Me: writes four pages worth of characterization about the O5 council in my headcanon.
My ADHD brain: “Not what I wanted but I absolutely support this because dopamine.”