I miss my ex.
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Drew my ex bc my ex friend is now dating him :/ (he’s really sweaty for some reason 😭) I’m still kinda sad about it but whatever
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Messaging you for one word answers
I almost wish you blocked me
Reaching out feels like a test designed to lose
A catch - 22
No one believes in us now
Day by day I start to think of you less
And maybe in another year I’ll get over it
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if my ex texted me during war does it count as break no contact? i need answers to count my lore.
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Paying back my ex by living my best life, has been unfortunately interrupted by disability. My fucking bad.
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These dating “gurus” who tell you not to block your ex are saying that because they know keeping you on the perpetual hamster wheel of situationships is more profitable for them. They can keep you running back to them for stupid tactics - what do i do if x? what if he says y? how long should i z? They don’t care how useless, toxic, or violent your ex is. They would rather call you “weak” or “bOtHeReD” for prioritizing your peace and sanity. Look at me. Listen. You listening? YOUR DM’S ARE NOT THE GYM. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TREAT YOUR MESSAGES LIKE A SERIES OF DEADLIFTS. YOU’RE NOT BUILDING ENDURANCE OR CORE STABILITY BY TOLERATING NONSENSE. WORRYING ABOUT HOW BLOCKING MAKES YOU LOOK TO SOMEONE IS THE DEFINITION OF BEING BOTHERED. BLOCK THEM AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE.
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Headache from yesterday carried into day 3. Dreams have started. I texted her and it made me sad cause she only responded to part of it and very briefly at that.
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immaginate la scena.
contesto: coinquilina e io ci affidiamo quotidianamente a siri, principalmente per avviare timer o promemoria ma di solito anche per chiedere informazioni specifiche nel bel mezzo di discussioni, pur o addirittura soprattutto sapendo che siri spesso non capisce un cazzo e risponde così
situazione: eravamo sul divano a parlare di non mi ricordo più cosa perché il mio cervello ha eliminato gran parte delle informazioni a causa dello shock, quando coinquilina chiede a siri non mi ricordo più quale domanda, siri risponde
“okay, vuoi chiamare ****?”
dove **** era la mia ex ragazza che non sento da più di un anno, trauma mai superato, persona da evitare, allora coinquilina e io ci siamo guardati e l’uno nell’altra abbiamo visto il panico manifestarsi all’improvviso
SIRI NO COSA CAZZO FAI
“avvio chiamata ****”
ci siamo precipitati dall’altra parte della stanza per evitare manualmente il disastro e per fortuna pare che ci siamo riusciti perché la chiamata seppur avviata non risulta nella cronologia e forse è stata annullata in tempo
ma pensate all’assurdità della cosa, si potrebbe scrivere su un cortometraggio comico
(comunque per quanto mi sia sforzato non sono proprio riuscito a ricordare la domanda che coinquilina ha posto e la cui sonorità ha fatto fraintendere a quella idiota di siri che in realtà intendeva chiamare ****)
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Emotional. And then I’ll miss her or start wondering how she’s coping and it just makes it so much worse.
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i’m healed enough to realize i fumbled you.. but also healed enough to know you also fumbled me. 💖
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ill say it a thousand times but i fucking hate how my ex obsesses over my favourite anime just for the aesthetic only after we broke up. and its nana.
he tried to give our daughter a nana shirt that he bought over a year ago for himself (or someone) and she just looked at it like “why? what is this?” because shes too young to watch it. and he has stickers of nana on his helmet and his phone background and its like
THIS ANIME IS ABOUT TWO GIRLS AND LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP AND THE PAINS OF LIFE
why do YOU a deadbeat dad, try to emulate it? its so performative. youre worse than takumi bro. at least takumi is rich and hot and famous. ALSO WHY DIDNT YOU CARE WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER LOLOL??
Right as we were about to leave to go home he pointed at some girl wearing black and a red plaid skirt being like “omg she looks like nana”
NO SHE DOESNT, NOT EVERY PERSON WHO DRESSES LIKE THAT IS NANA. FUCK UR A 32 YEAR OLD MAN SHUT UPPPPP SHUT UPPPPPPP
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Having dreams of an old ex. I think this time spent sober has allowed me to confront emotions I’ve been suppressing. Which is good and I guess the dreams are good in detail and content. But vivid in the sense of symbolism or surreal plots. It’s strange the predicament that my ex and I were in but in the dream we were friends again. And I don’t think we could ever be friends again irl. It’s strange but there was this emotion of warmth and longing. Not that I feel that way, maybe I do. I wish I ended things differently. I forgive myself but I was strung out on these addictions. I feel bad that she was a casualty of that. I also just feel bad for the way I allowed my friends to get in the middle of my relationships. I put them there when really it was my responsibility to handle my circumstances. Even for their input I allow to much authority of their thoughts to weigh in unto my own. It’s sad that I’ve allowed this to happen and to think this is okay for so long. What concerns a relationship is me and the person I’m with. Maybe I’m confusing confiding and jurying. I don’t need to make a case in order for me to feel good or look better. And if I am, it’s saying something about the nature of me. Do I not perceive myself as a good partner? Am I trying to justify these flaws? Or sic an outside audience unto the “misery” of my relationship? What have I been doing all this time I thought I was fixing myself? Drinking. Drinking. Drinking it to oblivion so I didn’t have time to self reflect. I thought I was doing better but i was doing it wrong. Trying to solve my problems without eliminating the common denominator and then working through it. I wish I got sober sooner. But I’m glad I’m recognizing the harm now. It’s funny it’s been 5/6 years since we broke up and I’m now getting that acceptance/forgiveness feeling. I’m just far behind i guess but better now than later. I do feel better about myself and I’ve made leaps and bounds as far as healing goes. I’m just somber and reflective. Relief. I need to write more I feel better now
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this has been the worst year of my life so far but my favorite ex and I broke no contact and I need that man like I need air so I honestly feel like I’m thriving