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The Ides of March and Salads
While at work one night I found a bottle of salad dressing out of place and picked it up to return it. The moment I read the label a stupid idea popped into my head and from that sprang more. And here they are.
An update to my old post with added dressings and salads
Classic Caesar
1.-Julius walks past Brutus-
2. -Brutus stabs Julius-
3. Julius yells “AGGHH! What the hell!? Et tu, Brute!?
4. -Brutus finger guns at Julius and winks- “Tck tch, Classic Caesar.”
Julius:” I’m fucking dying Brutus!”
Ranch
1. Julius: “Look at it Brutus!”
Brutus: “It’s a farm, Caesar.”
2. Julius: “It’s not just a farm, it’s a large farm with cows here just for dairy production, more than 300 cows, which means this farm is a…”
3. Brutus: “No, ……Julius I swear to the gods.”
4. Julius: “It’s a Ranch!”
Buttermilk Ranch
1. Brutus: “Julius, why did you have the cow’s splotches dyed blonde?”
2. Julius: “So that the splotches look like butter.”
3. Brutus: “But why would you do…oh gods.”
4. Julius: “Now it’s a Buttermilk Ranch!”
Brutus: *screaming*
Italian Dressing
1. Brutus: “Julius I was going over the books and noticed you spent 2,357 Denarius in
Sicily.”
2. Julius: “I was with Cleopatra and we did some clothes shopping and sort of went
crazy”
3. Brutus: “So what should I put this down as?”
4. Julius: “Put it down as, Italian Dressing.”
Brutus: “I swear to Jupiter Julius!”
Embalsamic
1. Embalmer: “Oh, hello my Queen, how was your date?”
2. Cleopatra: “It was good, how goes the mummification?”
3. Embalmer: “It is going, but something is odd about the fluid.”
Cleopatra: *dips finger in fluid and tastes* “It’s sweet, with vinegar…”
4: -Cut to Julius Ceasar sitting down at a table looking down angrily at his food-
Julius: “THIS IS THE WORST SALAD I EVER HAD!”
1000 Island
1. Brutus: “I heard you had legislation passed to start construction on new islands?”
2. Julius: “Yes in order to fortify our empire we must have a strong defense at sea”
3. Brutus: “That’s some excellent thinking Ceasar…but why so many?”
4. Julius: “So that we could have a thousand islands.”
Brutus: -screaming-
Blue Cheese
1. Brutus: “Julius,….what is that?”
2. Julius: “That is Babe, we adopted them from a nice lumberjack.”
3. Brutus: “…. Julius, it’s taller than the Coliseum, and IT’S BLUE! What could possibly
be the reason to keep this monster of a cow!?”
4. Julius: “Well for the milk and converting it to cheese.”
Brutus: “Milk from that blue giant, to make cheese!? ….to make……cheese…. I pray
to Saturn Julius!”
French Dressing
1. Brutus: “Julius there is an army approaching from the west, they seem to be here to
stall our advancement further into Europe.”
2. Julius: “They believe they can stop the most powerful army in the world; I shall give a
resounding speech to inspire our troops so they can crush the oppose- “
Brutus: “…And they retreated.”
3. Julius: “…..What? They ran away?”
Brutus: “It appears they just dropped their weapons and uniforms as soon as they came
into range.”
4. Julius: “Huh…must be the French.”
Russian
1. Brutus: “Julius, who was that raggedy, smelly, repugnant man?”
Julius: “Oh he is an advisor from a far-off powerful country.”
2. Brutus: “And what pray tell has he advised you on?”
Julius: “He taught me a potion that can extend my life beyond the norm, here see!”
-passes a vial of a pinkish thick liquid to Brutus-
3. Brutus: -samples the liquid- “…This tastes like the secret sauce they put on my wraps
at the Coliseum of Gyros.”
4. Julius: “What!? But he told me the Queen he advised loved it, and that it revitalized
her. I’ll never listen to Ras again.”
Brutus: “Wait…isn’t that the man they said is the best dancer of their country and he
was having an affair with the queen?”
Honey Mustard
1. -Julius having a picnic under a large oak tree-
Julius: “ah, what a wonderful day, I have all my ingredients set out to make a
sandwich.”
-Notices a beehive above him in the tree-
2. Julius: “Best not make any sudden moves as to not disturb the-“
-Something drops onto one of the condiments spread out.-
“No not the tangy spread!”
3.Julius: “Uggghhh, now my condiment is ruined and -tastes the mixture- ….-looks up at
the hive- hmmmmmm.”
4. Brutus: “Oh Julius you have returned from your picnic, how was i- OH MY SATURN!
What happened to your face!?!”
Julius: “I needth morth homney”
Green Goddess
1. Brutus: “I haven’t seen Julius since the…. revolution. He just disappeared.”
Julius: -shows up singed and bedraggled- “Et tu Brute?”
2. Brutus: “AHHH! Julius, I wasn’t expecting to see you again, what in Tartarus has
happened to you?”
Julius: “Exactly that, I was in Tartarus.”
3. Brutus: “I beg your pardon? If so, how did you escape? Pluto is not one to let a soul
leave.”
Julius: “I had to eat a salad, with a specific sauce, the entire bowl, they giggled at every
bite.”
4. Brutus: “Wait what? Just a salad? Why is that a means of being able to leav-
-remembers who Pluto’s wife is-
Julius: -starts crying- “It was so green, so so green, and thick.”
Coleslaw
1. Julius: “Brutus have you heard of the latest invention!?”
Brutus: “Calm down Ceasar, what is this about?”
2. Julius: “Someone has made a contraption that can shred anything -rushes off-
Brutus: “Oh well that is quite peculiar.”
3. -Brutus continues walking away- “Why was Julius running with a bowl of salad?”
4. Brutus: -stops, turns around and starts running- “IF YOU RUIN THAT MACHINE
I’LL STAB YOU AGAIN JULIUS!”
Fruit Salad (Yummy yummy)
1. -Julius and Brutus walking down the street when approached by a group of handsome
men.-
2. Handsome man #1: “Oh my Venus, look at Caesars hair, it’s so lush and curly”
Handsome man #2: “And just look at that tan on Brutus, wish I could get lines like
that.”
Handsome man #3: “Just look at those two, you can just see their muscles through
their togas.”
3. -The men depart, leaving a confused Brutus and a beaming Julius-
4. Brutus: “What was that about? Why were they so happy? What group of men was
that!?”
Julius: “Oh that was the Salad boys, they are an odd bunch, but I love the
compliments.”
Pasta Salad
1. Brutus: Caesar, I am never taking recommendations from you again.
Julius: “What? Why?”
2. Brutus: “When I was in Italy, I asked for a salad you’d recommend”
3. Julius: “Was it not good?”
Brutus: “It was just a bowl of pasta with oil drizzled over it!”
4. Julius: “At least it didn’t scare you.”
Brutus: “What?”
Pasta Salad (suddenly)
1. Julius: “Uggghhhh, I hate being here in Italy.”
Brutus: “huh? How come, I thought you loved shopping here?”
2. Julius: “I do, but ever since I tried dining here, I’ve had issues.”
Brutus: “What kind of issues?”
3. -all of a sudden, a bowl of pasta salad appears-
4. Julius: “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Brutus: “It’s that damn salad I had last time I was here!!!!”
Frog Eyed Salad
1. Brutus: “…Julius, what is that”
Julius: “it’s a treat that Macbeth sent over.”
2. Brutus: “It looks awful…. where would he get a recipe like that?”
Julius: “He said he got it from those that prophesied him becoming King.”
3. Brutus: “Ok,…so, why are you crying?”
Julius: “It tastes so terrible.”
4. Brutus: “THEN STOP EATING IT THE CAESAR!”
Julius: “But it has marshmallows in it.” -sobbing while shoveling spoonfuls-
Taco Salad
1. Julius: “This is unimaginative, it’s just ground beef thrown on a salad, it’s like putting
chicken in and saying it’s a new salad!”
Brutus: “It is different Caesar.”
2. Julius: “Adding beef doesn’t give it the right to be called something new!”
Brutus: “Julius, grab the bowl.”
3. Julius: “I don’t see how grabbing the bowl will chan-“
-grabs the bowl and part of it breaks off-
Brutus: “The bowl is edible.”
4. Julius: “This changes everything!”
Buffalo Ranch
1. Brutus: “Julius, care to explain why you ordered so many large animals!?”
Julius: “Oh, yes, I ordered several shipments of Bison, they’re endangered you know.”
2. Brutus: “I know that Ceasar, but why allocate so many? This is most of what’s left!”
Julius: “Oh, I did so to create a conservation, a sanctuary for these majestic creatures.”
3. Brutus: “Oh, that’s…that’s actually very noble of you Caesa-“
Julius: “I’m calling it a Buffalo Ranch.”
4: -Brutus strangling Caesar-
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TOP SALAD DRESSINGS are back in full swing at The Dr. Keshia Gaines Magazine. Ranch, Balsamic Vinaigrette, Thousand Island, Blue Cheese, and Caesar battle it out as the most popular salad dressings for this spring. Dr. Gaines’s favorite salad dressing is Italian mixed with Olive Oil, although Classic Ranch gets a close second place. What is your favorite type of salad dressing?
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Filipino Fruit Salad
Filipino fruit salad is a creamy and colorful dessert made with canned fruits, sweetened cream, and condensed milk. It’s a classic holiday favorite that’s rich, refreshing, and easy to make.
Recipe => https://littlebitrecipes.com/filipino-fruit-salad/
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Shaved Brussels Sprouts Salad
This shaved Brussels sprouts salad combines crisp sprouts, smoky bacon, sweet cranberries, and juicy orange segments with a honey-orange dressing. It’s a fresh, colorful, and flavorful side dish for any meal.
Recipe => https://littlebitrecipes.com/shaved-brussels-sprouts-salad/
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The Scientific Research Notes of S. Sunkavally, Printed Part, Page. 457.
Years unclear, but definitely between 2006-2012.
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I love salads so much.
Sometimes I make up little songs for them as I consume the delicious vegetables.
Happy little salad dirges.
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My Version of the famous La Scala Salad
La Scala is a restaurant in Beverly Hills, Ca. that is famous for their chopped salad. The ingredients are yummy and so so easy to make. It’s like eating an Italian Hero in salad form and what’s wrong with that?
It is full of delicious ingredients — lettuce, garbanzo beans/chick peas , cheese and salami and the vinaigrette is savory and perfect. It’s an old school recipe from the 50’s that still…
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30 Bright Winter Salad Recipes You’ll Crave All Season
There’s nothing I love more than enjoying a fresh salad that celebrates fruits and vegetables at their peak. In summer salads, that might mean bowls filled with sweet corn and peppery arugula or a sun-ripened peach Caprese salad with juicy tomatoes. As the weather cools, it’s all about roasted squash, blue cheese and crunchy pepitas. The best salad ingredients should shift with the seasons, and…
