This particular blog is the closest I’ve got to explaining how my
particular brain damage works. It’s not been an easy journey, but with
the relevant help from Neurologists and new understanding over the 8
years I have been writing, I am getting there.
The frontal lobe section, known as the ‘emotional centre’ is the part
of my brain that is extensively damaged. Generally, it is the place
where our emotions are controlled and where our personalities are
formed. This area also plays a role in controlling movement, judgments
and behaviour, as well as social and sexual behaviour.
If this part of the brain becomes injured from birth or through an
accident, it can affect many functions in the body, as I am just
beginning to understand. The type and severity of our symptoms depend on
which section of the front lobe is impaired. As my brain is extensively
damaged in the frontal lobe area, I struggle with emotions. I have
always known that I have, I just never understood why.
As a result of impaired emotions, I also deal with anxiety. That
explains why I used to hold on to bad thoughts and have difficulty
releasing those. As a child, it would takes weeks, months, even years to
let go of them. I used to have to keep myself busy so that my attention
was diverted, even if it was for a short while.
Because the cells that control movement to that area of my brain is
damaged, I also deal with weakness in my arm, hand, fingers, leg and
foot on my Cerebral Palsy side. And as a child, although my difficulties
on my left side were down to a paralysis that I didn’t know I had,
although I still have a certain amount of paralysis, with continued
exercise my leg is slightly stronger. I have little muscle tone and
weakened muscles on my Cerebral Palsy side and can’t point my toes.
I also struggle with fine motor skills such as writing and forming
outlines on those. Frontal lobe damage has an impact on non-creative
thinking, and problem-solving ability and I struggle with both of those.
I struggle with spontaneity, memory, language initiation, judgments and
impulse control. I have mostly learned to adapt and find ways through
most of what I deal with, although I often get caught out on one or most
of those.
I know that if this injury were to have happened to me as an adult,
my personality and social behaviour would have changed drastically. As a
child, I found social situations difficult and as a result didn’t mix
in very well, particularly in school. I failed to interact and think
that was part of why I became so insular. I have learned a different
method for me to cope.
Through my intuition, I am able to read people and understand their
body language enough to know how I need to behave and what to say. But
more importantly I am able to piece and link together the missing pieces
to the jigsaw on my symptoms and how those play out in daily life.
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