#LGBTQ

The Letter I Wish I Wrote When I Came Out

Back in 2011, Kristin Russo wrote this letter at Everyone Is Gay for a young person whose mother was struggling with her child’s sexuality. We hope these words can serve as an important reminder to many more parents out there. Your child loves you.

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Dear Mom,

Your daughter loves you.   

She loves you in the same all-consuming, chest-heaving, terrifying and beautiful way that you love her. That is, and always will be, the most important thing. Remember it, and repeat it to yourself when it is hard for you to get up off the couch in your confusion and despair.

I came out to my mom thirteen years ago. I was seventeen. My mom was raised in a very strict Catholic household, and has an unshakable faith. Part of that faith, up until thirteen years ago, was the belief that homosexuality was a sin. When I told my mom that I was gay, she wasn’t angry…she was so horribly terrified and heartbroken that her child was doing something that would result in her going to hell. She pleaded with me and she yelled and she cried and she was so angry and scared and confused.  I fought with her viciously, and at the time I thought it was only because I couldn’t stand her ignorance. Now reflecting back on those fights, I know that they were fueled by the fact that I could see how much she loved me even through her pain, and it killed me to see her suffer so much because of who I was…something I could not change.

My mom and I fought for many, many months, and then we began to talk, and she began to help me understand her pain. I grew up more and was able to see that pain and speak back to it from a place of love, and slowly she began to ask about my life, and wanted to meet the girl who I was falling in love with. Things were shaky in the beginning, as they always are, but we have worked and worked to find a place where she can still have her faith while loving me and sharing in my life.

Your daughter loves you.

I cannot sit here and tell you that you are wrong, and that your belief system is incorrect, but what I can tell you is that most of the things that we hold so tightly are uncertain…deep down I think we all know that on the day we die, we might actually walk up to pearly gates and see our grandparents waiting for us on the other side…or we might understand a feeling and presence that we couldn’t have imagined while we were living. We just don’t know. We can’t know. That is what is so beautiful and terrifying about this life.

You don’t have to throw away the things you hold to so tightly. You just have to loosen your grip a bit and open yourself to a dialogue with your daughter. You are going to have days where you see a lesbian couple on the street and you are overcome with anger and you burn dinner and you blame it on those stupid lesbians. You are also going to have days where you come across a picture of your daughter when she was seven and got into your makeup kit and covered her face with purple lipstick, and your love will burst through your lungs and stomach and eyes and you’ll cry because you know you just cannot ever let her go.  

Be patient with yourself through this process, but also allow yourself to accept that this is a process. Life isn’t about always staying in one place, it is about having beliefs and finding those beliefs challenged, and thinking and wondering and questioning while, all the while, holding on to the few things that will always remain constant: the people who you love, and who love you back unconditionally.

Your daughter loves you.

We #LGBTQHistoryMonth ends, we honor #transgender voices that are paving the way for brighter #transgender futures, like Activist Bamby Salcedo, Comedian/Writer/Actor D’Lo, Activist Issac Gomez, and Musician/Activist Gabrielle Diana.

What do you think of these photo series? Would you add any photographers to this list? We choose @landyn-pan!

Today in Houston, voters will decide the fate of the Houston Equal Rights Ordinance, a civil rights measure that will extend nondiscrimination protections to a number of classifications, including sexual orientation and gender identity.

Not surprisingly, anti-LGBT groups have been pulling out all the stops with transphobic ads suggesting that HERO (also known as Prop 1) will allow “men in women’s bathrooms.” But a number of celebrities, companies and politicians have proudly announced their support for the measure. For example:

[HERO’s] opponents have zeroed in on the protections for transgender people, claiming that they will somehow protect “men” who wish to prey on women and children in public restrooms.

“It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie,” Academy Award-winning actress Sally Field implored at a pro-HERO rally on Thursday. “Not one single case has ever been reported. And believe me, if it had happened, it would have been reported.”

Field was joined by many other celebrities this week in urging passage of Proposition 1, including actors like Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eva Longoria, Matthew Morrison, and Matt Bomer and athletes like Greg Louganis, Chris Kluwe, Jason Collins, and Michael Sam.

Political leaders also added their support this week, including Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton. The White House even gave a nod of support, saying Thursday, “We’re confident that the citizens of Houston will vote in favor of fairness and equality.”

Apple endorsed Proposition 1 this week because “it sends a clear message that Houston is focused on a future of inclusion, diversity, and continued prosperity.” Apple joins other corporate supporters like Dow Chemical, General Electric, and Hewlett Packard. Local businesses like Camden Property Trust have also expressed support for HERO.

Get out the vote, Houston! Make this happen. Find your polling place here. 

​How can your school become more inclusive for asexual students and peers? Check out this downloadable guide made by Asexual Outreach to find out how your school can become a safer and more supportive place for all! ‪#‎AAW‬ ‪#‎AsexualityAwarenessWeek‬

Last week, France became the second nation in Europe to legally recognize a third gender. The new “neutral gender” category will hopefully help to decrease the number of unnecessary genital surgeries performed on intersex babies and increase acceptance of trans people. 

The catch is that the third gender option applies only to intersex people. Trans or nonbinary people who don’t fit into the male or female checkboxes will still be forced to choose between those two. This is standard in some countries that have introduced third genders, but not all of them – New Zealand, India, Nepal, Pakistan and Bangladesh all have third-gender laws that allow transgender people to opt in, too. 

Many of the world’s third-gender laws are underpinned by this kind of rigid biological determinism. In Germany, too, parents of children born with both male and female sex characteristics can leave the gender space on the birth certificate blank, thus labeling the baby “indeterminate.” When those kids are old enough to decide whether they want to keep that term or identify as a man or woman, they can choose to place an X on their passports in place of an M or an F.

Australia’s third-gender category, which was affirmed in the country’s highest court last year, is bound by bodily norms, too, albeit in a different way. The “non-specific” gender identification is only available to transgender people who’ve undergone gender affirmation surgery, which defies any sense of logic about the way gender works. That somebody who identifies as neither a man nor a woman (a sociological distinction, not a biological one) should be forced to change their body to conform to a different biological sex standard exposes Western society’s deep distrust of those who live unapologetically outside accepted gender norms.

Tomorrow is Intersex Awareness Day, so this is especially timely. We have to keep working toward acceptance and equal treatment for people with all kinds of bodies, all kinds of identities and all kinds of genders. Nothing less. 

“We both are in the middle, and nobody teases us for it.”

ICYMI: Kumu Hina, an indigenous Hawaiian hula teacher who identifies as mahu (”in the middle” when it comes to gender), comforts a transgender student in the trailer for the upcoming film A Place in the Middle. (via BuzzFeed)

Today is glaad’s #SpiritDay, where people are asked to wear purple to stand against bullying and support LGBTQ youth. Here are photos of all  We Are the Youth participants who are in purple. Also, remember to buy our book, which shares the stories of LGBTQ youth in the United States.

Watch 8 of our films on C4′s online platform 4All. This project has been 1.5 years in the making, as part of 25 shorts films about trans people overcoming obstacles and sharing their journeys, from all over the UK. We were asked to create these films by All About Trans. Created by Fox Fisher & Lewis Hancox. Produced by Alana Avery (of All About Trans). Thanks a million to everyone who has taken part and to all our supporters. Exciting times!

Join our My Genderation page on FB. For a full playlist of our My Genderation films click here and don’t forget to subscribe!

Coming out can be a hard process. It has no timeline and it’s a continuous process. Here are five things to consider on #nationalcomingoutday. Know that if you are struggling, we support you if you come out or not. Call our Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386 or find more resources at thetrevorproject.org.

1. Is it safe?

2. Have a support system.

3. Make a plan.

4. Consider the outcome(s).

5. Love yourself.

Guide to figuring out your gender

Not strictly lesbian, but I created a list of books by and about trans people if anyone wants to add to it! It’s only for books that are by authors who identify as trans and the book has to have a trans main character (or topic, if nonfiction).

Anonymous Asks:

“So I’ve been seeing this girl for about six weeks and I think soon we’re going to get all up on each other, but it’s been a long time since I’ve gotten intimate with someone and I’m really scared I’ll have forgotten what to do or how to communicate during or that I just can’t be sexy anymore. Do you have advice on how to deal with that pre-pants-party anxiety?”

Dannielle Says:

PRE. PANTS. PARTY. ANXIETY.

You.

Okay, listen. This anxiety has happened to me every time I was about to bang someone new and the amt of time between me sleeping with two people was anywhere from 1 week to a year. I HAVE EVERY SINGLE EXPERIENCE. I’ll have you know it doesn’t actually matter and it’s always scary.

The best bone session I’ve ever had was / is with my current bae and the reason was / is because we talk about EVERYTHING. Every. Single. Thing. I was nervous, I told her. She wanted to try something cool, she told me.  I wanted something a certain way, I told her. We wanted do something that was maybe difficult, we talked. That’s how it started and that’s how it continues. If you start out honest, you will always have the best sex.

And maybe it won’t be perfect every single time, but it’ll be so dope when you can just say, “that was cool, I think my favorite part was when you touched my butt a little.” Rather than sit back and just hope they figure it out if you trick them by breathing differently once they get sort of close to what you like… that shit is too difficult to try and keep up with.

It’s also super easy to be the person who starts the honesty. All you gotta say is, “I haven’t had intercourse in 7 months, and I wanna hump you super right, so I’m gonna ask questions to make sure that happens, cool?” And they will be on board. Think about it, anyone on the earth who wants to be humped is gonna be down with their hump partner learning to hump them correctly… you know what i mean?!?!

You can ask them about fantasies, or if they prefer oral or handsy, or if they like toys, or if they want it slow or fast, do they like to jump into humping or would they rather be kissed all over for an hour. Tell them what you’re into. Ask them if they’re into the same things.

Worse case scenario – they think all the sex stuff you wanna do is weird and they’re not open to talking, and they don’t want to try anything. IN WHICH CASE, they are not the right sex person for you, so it’s good that you know that in advance!

Kristin Says:

“I wanna hump you super right” - Dannielle Owens-Reid, lady killer

I agree with everything up there because talking about what you like is always helpful, but I also want to add one important thing:

Fumbling is always, always okay. As in, mayyybe you told yourself you were going to follow Dannielle’s advice but then you panicked at the last moment and didn’t say what you wanted and just dove right in and then shit was so sexy until her pants got stuck around her ankles and while you were trying to tug them off you hit her head on the wall and then her cat started puking in the other room. MAYBE SOMETHING LIKE THAT HAPPENED. You know? You know. 

What I mean to tell you is that your first sexytime is probably going to be the BEST, but even if it isn’t the best… that is okay. Sex can sometimes just be hilarious and ridiculous as your figure each other out (and honestly even way after you figure each other out). Laughing and being open to fumbles of all shapes and sizes makes any sexy experience so much more real, and so much more awesome.

Remember that you aren’t after a movie-scene. You are after connecting with someone and trying to make them feel good while you also feel good, and laughing and talking and fumbling are all part of that experience. Plus, now every time her cat pukes you’ll look at each other with heart eyes and be like ‘awwwww remember the first time…’

You’ve. Got. This.

*high ten*

Get stuck into these powerful portrayals of LGBT crusaders.

To demonstrate support of the first pope who encourages equality, we partnered with the Lil Pop Shop and the advertising agency Tierney in creating and offering rainbow-colored Popesicles celebrating equal rights (and flavors).

On Friday, September 25, Popesicles took to 13th and Locust in a mobile pop-up shop, encouraging the city of Philadelphia and its national visitors to enjoy a tasty, tolerant treat and help support a good cause. All donations from the Popesicles benefitted us. 

Visitors were greeted by Mr. Popesicle, a dynamic rainbowed character who inspired people to Tweet and Instagram @trevorproject, raising awareness about our life-saving work for LGBTQ youth.

Popesicles were sold throughout the weekend at the Lil Pop Shop in University City (265 S 44th St, Philadelphia, PA 19104) and you can follow the conversation online with the hashtag #Popesicles. To keep the support going, text Popesicles to 41444.

(via Top 12 Podcasts Hosted By Queer Women, For Your Queer Ears)

Happy Bisexual Visibility Day!