Tuesday, 24 February 2026
14:32 hours-14:42 hours
Ugh… thank you, universe, or whatever thing, for making it fucking untenable to live in my mother’s house.
Last night going into this morning, I slept five fragmented hours and I did get to sleep a little from 10:50 to 12:10 today. I even woke up before the 12:10 alarm.
Silly me thinking that would be a good idea, right? The only reason I got such fragmented sleep is ‘cause I was handed Mileena at around 03:30 and my mother said she wanted to at least get thirty minutes of sleep before she had to get up. She said she didn’t sleep at all.
And then today, she comes in with the same charade. She laments about me not cleaning and about the fact that she has to tell me what to do. Which, fair, I get why that’d be annoying. But, no one asked you to do the reminders, so…
And I do plan on cleaning, but I just fucking hate it when it’s foisted upon me and when I’m told what to do. Ugh… I can’t win. Literally the only thing I take solace in is the fact I’m leaving this year. Shooting for September.
But, back to what she was saying. She is insistent that I have some mental problem with me saying that I should get it checked out at the doctor and that I’m “special”—again, read: intellectually disabled—and that they can probably diagnose me with something.
In the same tangent, she mentions me being lazy and not getting ahead even though I’m bilingual, I’m a U.S. citizen, went to college, and so on.
During this entire tangent, I’m trying to focus on washing dishes like she asked me to, but she wants me to stop what I’m doing to look at her during her rant while I could literally care less about what she has to say at this point. I’m fucking over it. While she’s talking, I’m thinking “I literally don’t care about this. Go away.” I’m also thinking about how I’m unhappy here.
I hate it here, fuckkkk.
14:43 hours-14:47 hours
She also said that they won’t hire me at Simplot ‘cause someone who knew me in school—high school, presumably—who worked with me in a past role is saying that I’m lazy and shouldn’t be hired. I don’t think that someone is in a hiring role, and I don’t think they would say that. I also think this is made up. She asked me if I’m happy being known for being lazy.
Like… the fuck? Literally my managers at Ross sing my praises, so there’s a fundamental disconnect there for me.
She also said I’ll fuck me body up by not being more active. Which, yeah, I need to be better about, but I’m not on the couch all day. And plus, she is either at work or sleeping after, so how would she know?
Anyway… what’s the point in biting? Make no mistake, I’m upset and angry right now because of my mother’s rant. But I know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
17:39 hours-17:44 hours
I’m less emotionally angry right now and still just angry at how she’s been behaving towards me.
I’ve been vibing with alexsucks’s debut album, “Autopilot.” Some of the songs, “Autopilot,” “The Headache,” and “Fish Don’t Fly” are so fucking on the nose for how I’m feeling right now with this whole situation.
Mena called me almost an hour ago to ask if I could take her shift for tonight—18:30 to 23:00. I’m glad for it ‘cause even though I don’t necessarily like being at Ross, I do like the good rapport I have with everyone and ‘cause it’s a chance to be outside of the house. I’m not looking forward to watching Mileena tonight. I don’t see why Mina can’t just take her to a child care center.
