i didnt notice ive been aggressively stimming for minutes

like i was wondering why i cant type good

because im rockin back and forth . like a grandpa

I think I found out the reason I’m so uncomfortable in public, which is because I’m always performing, either femininity or being not disabled.

I hate knowing that me being myself or just being comfortable in general WILL cause people to stare. I don’t wanna act like how a woman is supposed to.

Because I will degrade myself for slouching, for not putting on makeup, for having pimples/dark circles (since I know this is smth ppl look at). I’ve been called out for looking tired.

Or the fact that I need my headphones, but I also need to be aware of my surroundings. It freaks me out to not know if someone walks close. But I can’t go without them in the store, since it’s so overstimulating..

I’d easily wear shades indoors if I could.

My thesis director: We could probably finish this in a week if we have to.

AuDHD + CPTSD:

I love how I only have the motivation to do my hobbies when I have something to procrastinate on. LET ME OUT OF HERE!

smartphone harm reduction

written from an audhd perspective

• clear your cache
• delete and redownload your apps to reduce the storage size
• turn off cookies for eery site
• even if you ignore them, use app time trackers/warnings bc they will at least be notifying you of the PASSAGE of time. this really helped me to be more aware of my scrolling and eventually i would start catching myself scrolling and stop
• if you like to watch from specific creators, then go to their page directly to view the content rather than scrolling for it
• try and get rid of as much BIG paid streaming as possible
• don’t look at your phone when you get up
• don’t keep your phone in arm’s reach
• don’t fall asleep on your phone

if you ever tell yourself “i should work on my fawn response” “i should speak my mind more” “i shouldnt just tell people what they want to hear” DONT listen to it thats the devil talking

Beyond the Label: Turning “Diagnosis” into a Superpower 🦸‍♀️

I know you were labeled and diagnosed so early in life, and because no one could explain it to you, you just wore that. You took what they told you and filled your space with negative thoughts like “you’re not good enough” or “you’re different from everyone else,” without even knowing why. I was labeled back in the 90s as a kid, when they were still just beginning to study neurodiversity.

Now that I’m older, I see the “superpowers” of being neurodivergent: the gift of hyperfocus, and the ability of pattern recognition and intuition. I see the skills I’ve gained not just from my brain’s wiring, but from being a trauma survivor—the hypervigilance and the overthinking. While not all thoughts I have are facts, I absolutely have the ability to see a situation from every possible perspective. I sometimes wear my mind out looking at every view of a situation, but it is a powerful tool when used right.

To have a healthy hyperfocus, you have to take care of your well-being first. Oftentimes when you’re hyperfocusing, you ignore when you’re hungry, when you need to use the bathroom, or if there is another important task that needs to be accomplished first. It’s a delicate dance because you know that if you take a break, you might lose the “magic” of that focus.

Dealing with executive dysfunction has taught me that you literally have to break whatever you’re working on down—one step at a time—because it is so easy to get overwhelmed. When your brain feels tired, you need to pause, because you are simply overworking it.

I even tried something new with my “time blindness” this weekend! While I was fixing my hair, I set a timer for exactly how much time I had. I told myself, “When that timer goes off, you are done.” It actually worked! I had plenty of time to get ready, and I wasn’t in a rush. That is a huge victory for me!

So, rather than focusing on a label or a diagnosis as a negative thing to put yourself down with, what if you find the positives and focus on those instead? What are the good qualities about yourself that you can use to your advantage? When you’re constantly beating yourself up and shaming yourself for your difficulties, it brings those around you down, too.

Most importantly, you have to take your life one day at a time. I promise you are still learning every day if you allow yourself to. I know I am. ✨

3-16-26 at 1:13 p.m. (111)

i started new ADHD meds today, lets hope ya boy can FOCUS, and do TASKS, and READ BOOKS, and ENJOY LIFE. my room is a mess, my life is a mess, i need this to WORK.

does anyone else with autism and/or adhd have this experience with food when you’re eating it thinking its fine then it starts feeling weird in your mouth so much so it feels impossible to chew and you desperately want to spit it out but you dont wanna seem rude so you try your best to keep chewing to be able to swallow

or is it just me

Question for fellow neurospicy peeps;

How do you know if a feeling you’re having is caused by internal factors like chemical imbalances or caused by external factors like your mattress is off center?

Like clinical depression; Chemical imbalances. Solution; Medical treatment, like medication, therapy, etc

But sometimes? People but burn out, overwhelmed, overstimulated, people around them bully them, their room is a mess.

Solution (given this is a direct cause to the depression symptoms); Modify environment. Rest, take time, clean room, new friends.

How do I know if I need medications, or if I just need to modify my situation and environment?

For a lot of people it’s both, but also I swear to god, me and probably a lot of other people don’t know how to tell when they were raised to think their negative feelings are always due to an internal malfunction or if maybe them being angry is justified?

Bc to me if I feel consistently ignored, pushed to the side, etc I am right to be upset at that person? And yet I’m immediately told I have been moody and unstable instead.

When I am on a mood stabilizer maybe I am more stable, but like I don’t feel my feelings then.

I’m a teenager, isn’t it generally concurred that teens are moody?

I’m also likely audhd, and grew up with the gifted kid burn out mask.

I wasn’t taught proper self regulation, I didn’t grow up with consistency, stability, or generally the foundation I needed (I don’t blame anyone btw, shush.)

So I struggle to identify my emotions, problems, identity. I struggle to regulation all of them as well.

Is it not a fundamentally consistently failing environment for me? If I never had a stable foundation, how do I know what to fix?

Like naw, at that point I have to rebuild my foundation, yeah? But I don’t have an example to build off of.

No instructions, guide, example, nothing. Like atp I’m just reinventing myself, yeah?

I got off topic.

Basically like; Chemicals vs environment vs foundation.

When they are all problems, how tf do ya figure out which one is causing which?

me when the system i made works

me when the system i made doesn’t work

Gamers how to tell the difference between the autism and the adhd and the cptsd and the did and the generalized anxiety????

I had a nightmare but it made me realize that my shutdowns act more like autistic shutdowns than adhd shutdowns but how is a audhd shutdown different from both? Do I have anxiety because of living with the audhd?? I’m pretty sure some of my trauma was ableism.

Even before any alters were formed I never felt like a real person or had a stable sense of identity, I was always “weird” and felt on outside of things around other kids. I’ve always been escapist, daydreaming or reading for hours without break or dissociating. I guess living is so overwhelming that the only way I know how is to barely do much of anything and I can barely do much of anything because I’m so weak and tired all the time.

How am I supposed to function? I’m already on medications, I’ve started therapy again, when do I become a person?

From Identity to Instrument: Neurodivergence as Epistemic Function

Within contemporary discourse the concept of neurodivergence has been captured by a peculiar epistemic distortion produced jointly by late capitalist identity markets and populist anti-intellectualism, two forces that appear superficially opposed yet converge in their reduction of complex cognitive architectures into simplified cultural tokens that can be traded, displayed, celebrated, or…

From Identity to Instrument: Neurodivergence as Epistemic Function

people asking your hobbies be like: ‘Oh you like reading and watching tv? sounds like you do nothing with your life and nobody likes you!!! sorry i mean, is there a sport u like? otherwise you should just end it all!! you do you though!’

Baby I am *so neurotypical* and normal, I’m doing actual research on how to get comfy with physical contact with another person

I’m making ✨a list✨

I’ve got ✨goals✨ and ✨objectives✨

I’m gonna put my arm around my partner like a normal person if it kills me

This is a poem I wrote about my lifelong experience with depersonalization and derealization (both disorders on the dissociative spectrum). Sometimes it’s hard to describe how my experience is. I hope this can be relatable to someone else; you’re not alone in those moments.

—————-

When I ask if I have a body

Im asked if I’m alright

Then I have to play pretend

And even then

There’s no light behind my eyes

Can you please turn the lights on

I’m scared of the dark

Please wait for me

Don’t close the door before I get up the stairs

What do I do if I feel I can’t breathe all day

What do I do when I feel like I’m blind

I’m so lost in my head and I can no longer pretend

That everything is alright

I’d like to say I miss the times where I was happy and had no worries

But I’ve been depressed since I took my first breath

I don’t think there’s anyone coming back for me

So, you know how people are getting colon cancer really young these days because we’re not eating enough fibre?

Considering half of my generation would list Polly Pocket clothes in their top 10 childhood snacks, I have a suggestion for increasing fibre intake:

Coconut flakes.

Just flakes of dried coconut meat. Tastes good, easy to snack on, high in fibre, and feels exactly like chewing on plastic!

10/10, would highly recommend

I do not have LOW empathy

I have CAPITALIST empathy

Pay me for that shit

Nothing is free

Everything costs energy and time

When your new hyper-fixation isn’t healthy….

I need routine but also need warning before routine changes.

KW