If you plan on reading this, I’d like to warn you that it was written at unholy hours and I felt bad for Roman so obviously I overthought a bunch of things and wrote a rant about it. That’s all this is: a rant in which I overthink Roman’s quick exit from the new epp.
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What if this is how it all went:
When he was young, Thomas was taught what’s “good” and what’s “bad” (socially acceptable and whatever etc). Over time, “good” and “bad” were replaced by “perfect” and “evil”.
In Thomas’ mind, before any split, when the sides did something “bad”, they were chastised and felt disincluded, wrong, imperfect. They didn’t want to be. They tried to be better but there were parts of them that just weren’t “right”…
…So they split.
Creativity split into the ideas that Thomas could share, and the ones he really shouldn’t.
Morality split into selflessness, and selfishness. (I headcannon that those are their actual roles within the moral department)
(I’m also predicting that there will be another side that will be an opposite to either Logan or Virgil)
The “imperfections” had to go.
Thomas, still as a young person, was never taught that a person can have intrucive thoughts or that one should care for themselves just as much as they care for others, so instead, he chose to hide those aspects - pretend they don’t exist.
Only an accepted side couldn’t hide things from Thomas. He’d figure it out too easily.
Instead, Janus took that role. Until it benefited Thomas more than it hurt him, he was happy to oblige, therefore getting his title as “Deceit”.
The other sides got their titles for the roles they played to Thomas too: Patton, as selflessness, became Morality because that was the part of good and bad that people said was good/made you a better person and what people deemed “moral”; Roman became Creativity because only his ideas were listened to instead of shunned down instantly…
But after years of that system working, each of the accepted sides (except possibly Logan who goes about it differently than the others) had developed an acceptance complex and are now afraid that Thomas will shut them out as well. None of the sides enjoyed being disliked and shunned and now the ones that have felt acceptance, they are terrified of loosing it.
(I’ll be honest, I forgot where I was going with it but I promise this has an ending now that I remembered)
They dubbed themselves the “light sides” and try their best to be perfect so that Thomas can be perfect and accepted by others too.
After years of this working, it slowly starts to not. Thomas starts to question his morality (off the top of my head, even in CLBG, he is questioning, even though he comes to the moral conclusion in the end), and sometimes they seem to hurt him for others’ benefit. (Like in the newest episode)
Janus doesn’t like it, so he starts to change the way he works, he tries to be more honest with Thomas and bring back his sense of selfishness so that he can care for himself better.
But the light sides feel threatened by this. If Thomas starts to accept the dark sides, will he stop listening to the light ones??? Will they slowly become useless and be replaced with what they previously labeled as “imperfections”???
They can’t let that happen.
They start (something like) a battle between the two groups. The light sides fight to keep the dark sides hidden because they are “evil” and “wrong”, and they can’t let Thomas hate himself for being imperfect…
…so naturally, instead of proving to Thomas that the imperfections are normal, they will try to hide/fight the imperfections like absolute doofeses.
(I’m struggling to make this flow into my end point but I do have one so bare with me please 0:) )
This battle then lasts for some time and the sides become convinced that that’s what it’s supposed to be like: the light sides battle and win with the dark sides and Thomas is happy. They do it for Thomas. He does have the winning vote but all the sides want the best for Thomas.
Now imaging after years of doing that, all in the name of happiness, you come across a very difficult moral problem that you might have accidentally caused/increased (or whatever Roman felt he did). You join in to try to help by discussing and talking through it but you’re not getting very far and then Morality starts panicking and Deceit tries to fight him as if he was the villain. As if a light side could have been evil.
And then also Thomas considers listening to the dark side. He actually thinks about what the dark side is saying, but isn’t that going against what they have been taught???
And then that side calls him evil.
And no-one corrects him.
It was just a snarky comment to make him feel bad about laughing at Janus’ name.
It kinda worked: it made Roman feel bad, but not for that reason.
Years of living as “Creativity”, years of moral lessons from others teaching him how to be perfect and better, had been undermined with that one comment. Years of acceptance and working for Thomas’ best had been ignored in that one choice of Thomas’, when he chose to listen to Deceit, a dark side, instead of Roman.
No wonder he was shocked and desperate.
No wonder he left upset.
On top of that he still blames himself for making the wrong choice and making Thomas go to the wedding.
He still thinks it’s his fault, even if maybe not fully, he still deserves some of the blame, right??? And then Deceit brings up “something they’re both familiar with: mistakes” and then talks straight about the callback.
Was his huge sacrifice just a mistake after all???
Was he really imperfect and wrong like the dark sides they had banished all those years ago???
Was he like Remus???
Will he be treated like him too??? Creativity, ignored and hated for bring imperfect and cruel.
For what?? For trying to do the better thing??
More likely than you think, apparently.
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(Btw the ending here kinda turned into the sort of questions and thoughts I think Roman would have had at that point because I somehow managed to turn on ‘story mode’ and got absorbed in his character and what he would feel/why)
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Also, as I was watching it again, I noticed how not-in-Roman’s-favour everything seemed to be going and how that must have really pushed him up the 'everything is against me’ gradient. Like, small comments and things he “didn’t let get to him” but failed and they really did get to him in small but cumulative ways which then grew into a large feeling of “I’m wrong and evil” which probably catalysed the identity crisis (or whatever type of crisis(es?) Roman is having here)…… But this rant is long enough
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I kinda hope that he has a crisis on this so that the sides have to talk about it with him instead of him bottling it all up trying to ignore it, because I’m worried pride will get in the way of him admitting it. (He’s particularly vulnerable to this because a) pretty sure he’s the side that it Thomas’ pride + ego b) his and Remus’ split is the most obvious and unquestionable: they both are Creativity, so I feel like Roman might be insecure that he’s replaceable even if he’s not)
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Damn if you’re reading this I’m impressed you’ve stuck around this long. Thanks tho, it’s always appreciated. It’s great that people can take time to read someone else’s thoughts and it makes me feel better knowing someone might actually enjoy my overthinking rants.
