.

SAIYAARA (MY STAR)

Tu Paas Hai Mere Paas Hai Aise,
You are so close to me,
Mera Koi Ehsaas Jaise
it feels like you are a part of my own being….
Haaye Main Mar Hi Jaaun Jo Tujhko Na Paaun
I feel like I would die if I could not have you.
Baaton Mein Teri Main Raatein Bitaun
I spend my nights lost in conversations with you.
Honthon Pe Lamha Lamha Hai Naam Tera, Haaye,
Your name is on my lips every single moment.
Tujhko Hi Gaaun Main, Tujhko Pukaarun
I sing about you and I call out for you….
Saiyaara Tu Toh Badla Nahi Hai
You have not changed, my ‘saiyaara’ which is a term for someone who is your whole world.
Mausam Zara Sa Rootha Hua Hai
It is only the circumstances that have become a little unfavorable.
Saiyaara Tu Toh Badla Nahi Hai
You have not changed, my world.
Mausam Zara Sa Rootha Hua Hai
It is just the circumstances that are slightly against us….
Beete Lamhon Se Duniya Basa Loon
I will build a world from our past moments together.
Main Toh Tere Aansuon Ka Bana Hoon
It feels as if I am made from your tears.
Meri Hansi Mein Teri Sadaayein
I hear the echo of your voice in my own laughter.
Teri Kahaani Khud Ko Sunaaun
I find myself telling your stories back to myself.
Yaadon Ke Taare…
The stars of our memories…
Yaadon Ke Taare Tootenge Kaise
How can the stars of our memories ever fall from the sky?
Mere Hain Jo Woh Roothenge Kaise
How can those who are truly mine ever become distant from me?
Beete Dino Ki Kholi Kitaabein
I have opened the books of our past days.
Guzre Palon Ko Kaise Bhula Dein
How can I possibly forget the moments we have lived?
Haaye Main Mar Hi Jaaun, Jo Tujhko Na Paaun
I feel like I would die if I could not have you.
Baaton Mein Teri Main Raatein Bitaaun
I spend my nights lost in conversations with you.
Honthon Pe Lamha Lamha Hai Naam Tera Haaye
Your name is on my lips every single moment.
Tujhko Hi Gaaun Main Tujhko Pukaarun
I sing about you and I call out for you

Raat Akeli Thi

Haan Hum Mile Hain Sau Sau Dafa
Yes, we have met over a hundred times.
Main Dhool Hoon Tu Kaaravaan
I am the dust; you are the caravan….

Shit man

…

This is for sure an unfortunate situation isn’t it?

Yeah I was bullied so much when I was younger but it didn’t affect me that much-

“You nearly had your eyes poked out with nails (like screws..) by people who called themselves your friends and you still get dizzy when you think about that and when you see nails at all.

And you joke about it now because you don’t know how to process anything. Because you just bottled everything up since as long as you can remember. And have only started thinking about this again and how much this affected you now”

..Okay.. but it wasn’t that bad-

lowk used to tell myself that I just needed to not die until the next thing I was excited for.

And then after that happened I would choose the next thing..

I was no older than five when this started..

I.. Yeah..

80sography - 80s music interviews podcast, s02e10 (26.04.2021):

Ian Stanley: <…> Me and Curt and Roland, you know, the dynamics were always quite odd in a way. There were times me and Curt were close and times we weren’t. I was his best man at his wedding, for instance, where it should have been Roland, really.

H: Was that a political thing then?

Ian Stanley: No, I think he was… I seem to remember he didn’t wanna ask Roland because he knew Roland would say no.

H: Why would Roland have said no?

Ian Stanley: Oh, exactly! I don’t really know, but I think…

H: And do you think he would have said no?

Ian Stanley: I think he would have said no, yeah. It could be very presumptuous, but I think he would have said no. I don’t know. So if he asked me, I would say, well, why didn’t you ask Roland? But of course, you know. So anyway, it was just… Look, Curt was, Curt had started the band with Roland. I came along and ended up within a few years being very, I was very close to Roland, very, very close.

H: But that was because you were collaborating on songs.

Ian Stanley: We were writing songs, but we liked each other. You know, it was good.

H: But was there ever any discussion of like Curt and Roland writing songs? Were you ever privy to why that didn’t happen? Was it just Curt wasn’t interested and we felt overawed by Roland’s songwriting ability?

Ian Stanley: Maybe, I don’t know. I think we sort of… Like he’d been through Graduate with Roland as well. And I think Roland, pretty sure Roland was the only songwriter then. So I mean, it was just given that Roland wrote the songs really.

POV: your friends use a specific word alot and you never asked what it meant and now its been months and you’ve been acting like you know what it means. then you only just searched it up now

when someone doesnt realise the vague post is about them 🤡

It’s been a while since I’ve posted truly beautiful art,_,

I know… but today I just want to share what’s going on in the country where I live… even if no one sees this message, I’ll just be glad I at least expressed my unnecessary opinion somewhere.

Lately, where I live, everything’s been terrible: they’re forcing us to download one messenger… they say it’s not mandatory, but without it, it’s impossible to make a doctor’s appointment, pay for anything, and so on. But this messenger collects user data, uses the camera without permission, and turns the phone into a wiretap. I just sit and watch what’s going on, it makes me want to cry. The way people are treated like animals, forced to download something “involuntarily,” how the world is becoming a dystopia, how all websites and apps are being banned. On top of all this, the government is constantly banning everything—websites, apps, and Telegram will soon be blocked, and I’ll lose contact with all my friends and family, unable to text or call them. I’ve already lost a lot of friends because of this. I just feel a little down and lonely. Role-playing games used to help me cope with my anxiety, but now I can’t do that. Now I cope with it by drawing and listening to music, but I’m afraid that soon even that will be unavailable. I live every day worrying that the app or website where I can communicate with someone or post my art will soon be blocked. Yes, I have the motivation to create something, but living with these thoughts every day, it disappears without a trace. I’m afraid of saying something out of place that could get me fined, I’m afraid of drawing something inappropriate that could get me convicted… I have no desire to communicate with people, I’m afraid they’ll all think I’m weird… That’s not even half of what’s going on now… but at least it’s something…

давненько я не выкладывала по настоящему красивые арты,_,

знаю… но сегодня хочу просто рассказать что творится в стране где я живу… даже если это не кто не уведёт сообщение, мне будет просто приятно что я хоть где-то выразила своё ненужное мнение.

В последнее время, где я живу всё просто ужасно нас заставляют скачивать 1 мессенджер.. со словами это не принудительно, но без него невозможно записаться к врачу, или оплатить что либо и тому подобное. Но этот мессенджер собирает данные пользователя, камеру без спроса пользуется, и телефон превращается в прослушку. Я просто сижу и смотрю что творится, мне хочется плакать глядя на это. То как с людьми по-скотски обращаются, заставляют что-то “непринудительно” скачивать, как мир становится антиутопией, как запрещают все сайты и приложения. Помимо всего перечисленного, власти постоянно запрещают всё, сайты, приложения, скоро заблокируют у нас телеграмм, и я потеряю связь со всеми моим друзьями и родственниками, без возможности им написать или позвонить. Я уже из-за этого потеряла много друзей.. мне просто немного плохо и одиноко. Раньше мне помогали с тревогой справятся ролевые игры, сейчас я этого не могу делать. Теперь я справляюсь с тревогой рисуя и слушая музыку, но я боюсь, что скоро и этого будет недоступно. Я каждый день живу, переживая, что скоро заблокируют приложение или сайт где я могу общаться с кем-либо или выкладывать свою искусство. Да у меня есть мотивация создавать что-то, но всё ровно живя каждый день с такими мыслями, она пропадает без следа. Я боюсь сказать что-то лишнее из-за чего меня могут оштрафавать, боюсь нарисовать что-то не такое из-за чего могут осудить… У меня нет желания обащатся с людьми, я боюсь, что все они подумают что я странная… это даже не половина, что творится сейчас… но хоть что-то…

just had the shittiest day in a while and it somehow kept getting worse

as you can tell by that post I Am A Cammy Noob i got here like today essentially now i actually rewatched n ppl have def milked their 5 secs of screentime for analysis to death but smth abt their obsession/delusion abt mephone coming from realizing hes born out of his self hatred n then commenting seeing someone ugly on tv makes them feel better abt himself.hm.im feeling some kinda emotion.what a sad sad creature.

Tomorrow I have to go to J. Crew to look into their selection of blouses, which I found cute last time I was at the mall

wow i hope im not going to the OT factory says the girl at the OT factory (flyers and wild)

Youraislopbores.me is single handedly making me like humans again…. this is not good for me

Henry Hidgens if he was Portuguese: Professor Henrique Higino

As someone as actively depressed and suicidal as me, I rarely ever say anything about going to kill myself when something bad or upsetting happens.

Like when something goes wrong and you respond with “I’m going to jump off a bridge, I swear” or “I’m gonna become a statistic.” I never do that

Instead, I say “I’m gonna make some else a statistic” or “I’m gonna throw someone off a bridge.”

MAKE IT STOP . OH GOD MAKE IT STOP AAHGHHHH

HI

me and my brother today: ash =my brother

ash: you wrote an ao3?

me: yes?

ash: why do you look like the boiled one and phineas from phineas and ferb

me: …what?

ash: you heard me

me: …. *walks away*