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i’m so in my head about this whole situation. i hate it. i can’t talk to you about it yet because ill say something i regret or you’ll take it the wrong way because i haven’t figured out how to word it so it doesn’t blow this out of proportion. but i think you’re going to no matter what because that just seems to be how this goes. i’m frustrated that it always becomes about you. no matter what the focus always circles back to you and no one else’s feelings can fill the space too. and it’s starting to get harder to just let it slide because i do have feelings and i get upset about stuff or i feel crappy sometimes but i don’t make it everyone’s problem. i also don’t understand why you say one thing and then act another way. i don’t understand why him kissing the two of us in the same day bothers you? it’s not like you and i haven’t talked about it before? so why all of a sudden is it an issue? maybe you have bigger feelings for him than you’re telling me and if that’s the case then i’ll just see myself out of the entire situation but the fact that i can’t spend a day with him without you pulling the attention to you.. when he told you to go yesterday and last night when you were with him? it just doesn’t feel nice. it feels calculated in a way. but that feels crazy unless you don’t want me spending time with him anymore? i’m rambling but i needed to spew these thoughts and feelings somewhere. i guess i lied to you though. i am upset at you for it because i needed today and you took it but i feel like im allowed to be selfish and upset because my feelings matter too.
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i stepped outside for a few seconds today and I genuinely felt happier. it was like a magical girl transformation, my hair became shiny, my eyes started glowing. i am myself once again. we’re so fucking back.