A small part of me has always wanted to get Ellie’s tattoo but idk. It’s kinda a big tattoo, and I hate needles so yeah..
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The feeling of playing tlou part 2 for the first time when it came out in 2020 during covid will remain unmatched
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[[MORE]]
Abby counts the strokes of the brush like she’s counting reps, and tries to ignore the ball of nervous-excited-anxious energy in her gut. She tries to make a list of everything she needs to pack tonight, but it only serves to expand the anxious feeling and does nothing to clear her head. She tries to rehearse what she’ll say to Lev, twists herself into mental knots trying to find a good enough reason for him to stay in Arizona. She knows him — he is her brother, after all— and she knows beyond a doubt that he’s going to demand to come with her. And, it’s not that she wouldn’t love to have him with her, but she can’t escape the feeling that he should stay.
The Firefly nepotism that landed her in this spot had nothing to do with him. Abby can’t deny the responsibility she feels — the prospect of closing the loop, of carrying the baton across the finish line for her dad. But Lev has nothing to do with her old life, and even less to do with the research on possible immunity. Abby doesn’t think she can live with it again, his blind faith in her leading them both to despair and death.
(Because, as much as Abby tries not to think about the girl from Jackson, she’s reminded of her every morning she wakes up and draws breath, every time she sees Lev smile, every time she catches herself being happy. It is an inescapable fact of Abby’s existence: she would not be alive if not for her.)
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replaying tlou 2 and i know im gonna weep at joel’s death scene
ashley johnson’s acting in that scene is just so heartbreaking
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P4 of my scetchbook tour
Final part, featuring only art i haven’t already posted, aka the sketches and doodles haha
(Right to left)
1) Tried to draw Taylor Swift from memory, but I was in class and…well, doesn’t look like her haha.
2) Did this because I loved the art and wanted to combine them into a nice short story or whatever.
3) Scarlettt<33
4) Scetches I did in class.
5) [top] Ellie at the theater. I love this one.
[bottom] More sketches from class.
6) Even more sketches, actually not drawn in class this time.
☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~~~
All and all this scetchbook ATE. I think my progress is clearly visible here, even if its just a few months. I hope this was like…fun ans not too exhausting to read haha
(^-^)
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P2 of my scetchbook tour
So these two belong to the TLOU series, but Tumblr has a 10 image limit so I thought I’d post the portraits first haha
(Right to left)
1) Clicker. I actually have never drawn like “monsters” before, but I think it looks really cool!!
2) Skinny ahh rat king. It was easier to draw like this, but I think its still super cool.
The last of The last of us drawings for a bit;
(Right to left)
1) Kinda hate this…It’s Joel and Ellie, but I tried to use my ink pen which decided to like fart all over the page, hence the darkness. But I thought I’d post it anyways, to show not all art is perfect.
2) ELLIE SMURF !! No commentary necessary, its awesome.
Next is a bit of this and that;
(Left to right)
1) My lovely OC’s, Beatrice(behind) and Scarlett(in front). I really like this:)
2) My OC’s again. This is like THE drawing of them. Like, this is who they are, haha
3) Dog. Idk what to say, I thought it was funny hsjdj
4) Shrek!! (Ft. actual colors??) Requested by a friend of mine. Practiced using acrylic markers on this. I actually love it, watched Shrek while drawing it:)
5) Chappelle Roan<33 I feel like the colors don’t look as good on camera, but I used metallic markers as well to add texture to it. I like it.
6) Prime example of me just doodling stuff during class haha. The classic eyes and then some random faces:)
☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~☆~~~
All and all this part represents all sides of my drawing. From the scribbles, to the pencil drawings to the colored drawings along with some mistak- sorry, happy accidents:)
Part 3 is gonna come probably right after this.
(^-^)
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I fear I can never reach the amount of talent I had back in 2023 where I managed to write the most beautiful piece of literature thanks to a dream. I really want to continue writing it but my god, I don’t know what was in the air 3 years ago but I cannot recreate the vibe and emotions I had in mind for the story.
So called „most beautiful piece of literature” was a Joel Miller x Reader fanfic that was supposed to be a very long and very slow slowburn.
If I remember correctly, chapter 1 was around 10k words.
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It’s so sweet how deeply intertwined the tlou and arcane fandom are, it’s so rare that someone writes/draws for one and doesn’t for the other
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okay well unfortunately for me I have in fact created a FOUR page google doc purely of the outline of a possible (dog handler) x Abby fic so don’t get your hopes up…. but it may happen….
(also it will only be posted on ao3 IF I DO)
If I do Reader x Abby the only reader descriptions would be that she is strong and probably androgynous. If I do OC there will probably also be little description but I will give her a name and it would be 3rd person.
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i don’t know who is going to even see this or who cares but i did in fact manage to crush the adapter for my drawing tablet under the wheel of my chair so i am incapable of cooking up any more art until i can find a new cord
but that’s lowkey not at the top of my to-do list so…. more stupid gay art coming sometime in the (medium distance) future❤️🩹
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Shared burdens
CHAPTER TWO: PART 2, WHAT FRIENDS DO
as said, this is part 2 of chapter two. The part1 of this chapter, as well as chapter1 (and the others coming), can be all found in the Shared Burdens masterlist here
enjoy.
The walk after her visit to the stables is somewhat pleasing, the easy drag of her feet crossing the streets being a notable difference from the way she the kennel just earlier. She waves to some familiar faces from their porches and nods to her neighbors passing by. Mrs. Foy, with her flowery plaid apron and the uprighter posture an 80-year-old lady can manage, spots her from her bakery, mentioning a freshly made strawberry jelly and asking if she didn’t want to come over— which Lupita kindly rejects, saying she’s still full from breakfast but might stop by later.
By the time she’s crossing the yard to Ellie’s, the morning sun has started to get warmer, an indication of the afternoon soon aproching in one hour. The windows of what it has been the older Miller’s house, just some feet away, shine with the sunlight that hits the glass as she observes the vision of empty rooms inside. She doesn’t remember seeing Joel’s place after he died, at least not this close before. As her eyes run through the property, she dares say it pretty much looks the same, at first— The wood is colored in a faded white matching the fences and the rest of snow melting on the roof edges, the rocking chair resting near the front door on the porch, swinging back in forth in lazy motions with the breeze that cuts through air. It also shakes some leaves out of the pink-tinted cherry tree, that fall without rush on the frontyard.
And yet, she would rather think is the small perceivings (the way all the windows are shut and not welcoming fresh air; the uncanny, expectant silence around, like someone just left and the house has been patiently waiting for their return anytime now; and there are all the notes of mourning and bouquets left by the others, taking up space around the fence), all details that indicates something is missing. That this could be no longer be called a home.
By the time she reaches Ellie’s converted garage and is face-to-face with the front door, she’s stalling. That’s how she knows it must be, exactly, when her fist is just an inch away from knocking and she just… hesitates. She knows Ellie’s at home— she discerns the sound of paper being crumpled and a light thud against the ground—, and the lack of voices inside is pretty much an indicator that she isn’t interrupting anything.
Yet, whatever it is makes her think twice. Consider twice anything she had to say at all, even though it’s not like she made something like a mental script of what to say. It’s Ellie.
So for an instant, she just asks herself what’s wrong then.
But is a thing she has to tuck away in her mind for later, because before she can figure it out, the doorknob makes a noise and the front door is open in a blink.
“OH, Jesusfuck—” Ellie’s unmistakable voice sounds panicked.
The first thing she notices about her friend, is how pale she looks. Not that Ellie hasn’t always been pale— El always had this fair skin tone like Jen’s, that made her brown freckles pop and burned her like a shrimp on summer days—, but now her eyes dart to the girl grasp on her door in a jump, and she has the visual impression Ellie’s grey hoodie comes before her.
Ellie mutters some more curses, and when her green eyes recognizes the girl in front of her, she sighs “Oh man, you scared me…”
Lupita thinks about mentioning her own pathetic flinch as well, but then she remembers she’s the one who was behind someone’s door spacing out and probably looking creepy as hell. “My bad.”
“It’s fine, I just… never mind” Ellie signs, frowning. Not rude, but akward.“So, uh, what brings you here?”
Lupita presses her lips together and narrows her eyebrows, shoulders shruggin near her ears. The sound of shuffling trees behind her garage is a paceful noise “…You?”
Her single word seems to snap Ellie back to her senses then, like she haven’t remembered she haven’t seen Lupita (and basically everyone else) for almost three whole months until now.
“Yeah, I mean of course, sorry—”
“Hey, it’s alright. Are you okay, El?” Lupita jumps exactly to the point, maybe guessing this couldn’t be a good time for Ellie. If she wanted some time alone, then Harris would be more than willing than end this fast as possible for her sake. Even if deep down, the girl herself didn’t wanted to go just yet.
But she didn’t need to, by the end.
After staring at Lupita from under her brown eyelashes for some brief seconds in thought, Ellie blinks. And says ’hold on’ before disappearing behind her door. It closes with a hollow sound.
Lupita just stares at her feet, observing her her heels rotating patiently.
When the doorknob turns again and Ellie reappears almost a minute later, her body is leaning at the open door, instead of blocking the view of the inside of her home. She tilts her head to the side “Come on in, Lupita Dean.”
She doesn’t hesitate.
She takes of and light-kicks her shoes to the corner of the wall when she steps in even though Ellie’s wearing converses, just because she remembers she was at the stables not long ago. Her eyes quickly scanned the girl’s bed at the corner of the room, which was made but a little wrinkled, and where a pair of socks were tossed around: one on the pillow, and the other on the floor. Way less messier than the other times she has seen the girls room.
She glances over her shoulder at the girl herself, still leaning at the open door by her side “Tidying up your room for me?”
She kind of expects to be met with a typical roll of eyes and a ’Shut up’ or maybe, specially from this still unexplored version of the girl she knows, no reaction at all.
But the tired blank in the Ellie’s face is broken with a subtle half-closing of her lids at Lupita’s cynical remark. “Force of habit.” She says bluntly.
Not far from an eye roll. But the habitual sarcasm laced in William’s tone is spontaneous enough to make her snort. She feels the girl’s gaze on her even tough she’s not looking.
As Ellie closes the door behind them, she soaks on the sensation of her warm feet cooling down through the fabric of her socks, as she walks further inside. The floor isn’t any more colder than the other times she had come over, but she can’t help take notice of how the single room seems a bit dark— a small glance around, and it’s due all curtains around covering big part of the windows.
“It’s been a too long since you got home today?” She asks.
Ellie walks right past her to suit herself on her swivel chair, rolling it one or two feet away from the desk to be more in front of the girl currently sitting on the couch. “Nah, just…three hours maybe” Ellie mutters “…Why?” Lupita brings her feet up and curl them underneath herself, placing the nearest cushion on her lap.
“Was planning to see you earlier,” She explains “But I was talking with Tommy at the stables, lost track of time.”
“Yeah, I kinda noticed the smell of horse.”
“Wh—really? But I didn’t even…” She brings the collar of her shirt to her nose, but her eyes glance up before she can even sniff.
The girl, who’s sit confortably on her chair and makes the seat move just some inches from side to side like a shake of a head, has one arm propped up on the arms of the chair. It touches near her chin, and while her fingers fidget with her hoodie strings, the girl has a focused on Lupita, with her green eyes that seem bigger above the dark circles and—
Then she sees. The small, teasing smile playing on Ellie’s lips.
“You’re ridiculous.” She scoffs, trying not to convey the warm that blooms on her chest at the sight underneath her feigned anoyance “—Already back to normal, I see.”
“Apart from the black eye? Brand new…”
She frowns, when the girl brings up the thing Lupita had noticed (and tried not to imagine how she got it) since the door was open for her a few minutes ago. The bruise is more of a yellowish color on her skin, which makes her guess it was probably a dark purple before the healing.
“And how are you?”
“Well, uh… my face’s better.” She gestures vaguely to it, as her eyes travel down absentmindedly to nowhere in particular. “And my ribs aren’t broken anymore.”
“So they don’t hurt?”
“Just when I stretch sometimes…” She mutters, shruging “I was told to rest for a few days and shit. I don’t think it’s necessary— but turns around I just found out I don’t I’m off during work for two weeks, can you believe it?”
Lupita presses her lips together, shaking her head determined “Had no idea…”
Ellie seems to wanna add more, but then clicks her tongue, blinking as if she got reminded of something else “—Oh, and by the way…” She licks her lips “Thanks. For those cookies you brought your first visit, I mean.” This catches Lupita’s attention then, eticing her ears enough her eyes shoot up in a simple confusion while the girl talks “They were great, really. I appreciate it.”
“…You ate them?” She asks. Or muses. Have you been eating anything at all?
It isn’t her intention, but the three words she spills and whatever Ellie sees on her face seems to have a quiet effect on the girl then— She watches the her lips before curved in a tight, reserved smile falter as much as the rest of her face. Like Lupita’s simple and hopeful, slight surprise have cracked some kind of glass she had sensed it was there between the girl in front of her and the rest of the room. She knows that look, by the way. Of guilt, when she sees one. Ellie’s voice is a bit louder then, more determined raspy “Look, Lupita… I haven’t exactly being the better friend to you lately—”
“El, c'mon—”
“No, let me finish. All those times you came to visit, to see me, and I sent you home, I’m sorry”
“You didn’t have to see me,” She explains, clear and sure “And I knew that, each time. You wasn’t okay.”
“I…wasn’t.” She accepts, with a fair reluctance. The girl then brings one of her legs up on chair, and the movement rolls her seat just a few inches to the side. “And I just wanna clear it up, that my intention wasn’t to push you away or anything…”
“—You just needed some time.” She says, and that makes Ellie stop spiralling. Listen. Her eyes lock with the girl’s. “I know.”
It’s not really obvious who let’s the silence fall first, but it doesn’t feel tight and uncomfortable. It stretches for a minute or two, in brief, but serene seconds. Just the undisturbed shuffling of the curtains with the weak breeze coming through windows, and the even quieter sound of their thoughts to themselves. Her eyes travel around in the mean time, from the different comics and trinkets occupying their space in the shleves, to variety of sketches and posters and and things Ellie hung up on her walls over the years. She was musing the light observance on the difference of how this room has more posters of stories while Lupita’s had more of bands and music albums, when she’s interrupted. And it’s when Ellie talks, that she realizes her friend was in a deep thought…
“Went in his house, this morning.”
Her first instinct is to think about Tommy. But if there’s no logic in that, considering she was with Tommy just some moments ago and he didn’t mention.
So she knows the other option left even before she looks at Ellie in front of her, and sees the girl staring to the tiny table besides Lupita’s spot on the couch. Where the handmade, wood dinosaur rests in his usual spot above a book.
Lupita swiches her attention, Ellie’s face is unreadable, almost. It’s casual, less heavy and swollen than those times she saw the girl hospitalized, but her eyes seem much less present. Lost, compared to the rest of her.
“You did?” She asks, voice so soft it’s almost a breath. Ellie nods and hums without rush, gaze still away from her friend. “Are the horses still there?”
Ellie seems to catch the reference instantly, a raspy giggle scaping her lips as their corners raise in a grin. Her hand, before just resting below her chin, shifts and her thumb is touching her skin bellow her chin “Yeah.” The word stretches “So corny…”
“No, not corny—” She begins, in the defence of the old man who isn’t here to defend himself, but Ellie raises her eyebrows just before she goes back to look down her lap again. “—Okay, maybe a bit.” She agrees defeated, remembering the pictures hanging on the walls, carved wooden pieces… “I’ve wondered if Joel’s thing with horses was like you with dinosaurs. But then I figured… ‘hey, all these random horses around are actually kind of… authentic. Maybe it’s a men thing’. ”
“Or old men thing.”
“Yeah, maybe we should keep an eye on Tommy” She nods with fake seriousness “Who knows, maybe he suddenly has the idea of moving out in a few years and adopt the decoration.”
It’s means to be a funny scenario, obviously, a little joke at Tommy’s expense and his age like the girls have made behind his back (and sometimes, in front of him) thousand times before at any opportunity they had. But she sees, in a glimpse— the hesitation to react, the way Ellie’s smile falters just for a moment like the mere idea of someone else taking the space that once belonged to Joel, even people so close like Tommy and Maria, was a scary thought.
And at first, she thinks about opening her mouth instead of letting it slide unnoticed. Letting Ellie know that that was basically the same reason Lupita refused to move out when her grandma died, that made her 'the 12-year-old who lives by herself’ around for quite some time. Ellie knows why— she remembers vaguely telling the girl that was her home and her grandmother’s passing didn’t change her desire to stay, when Ellie was still somehow new to Jackson and grandma passed just some months prior— But maybe, if Ellie needed, she could even go back to that paragraph of her life, talk about it with more details. Of how the house was one of the reasons she refused the invite to live with Tommy and Maria, of how she stayed 'till today not only for comfort but also as a way to make sure no other new civilian would occupy their place. Even ask Ellie if she had any same desire to move next door, someday.
But the small fall in Ellie’s demeanour goes as briefly as it comes, and her expression changes slightly. Her attention moves to something bigger, occupying an almost discreet place next to her desk. Her eyes travel thoughtfully around rigidity of the varnished wood, and the moth painted on her guitar seems to watch Ellie back “Yeah, maybe.” She mutters, then she lets out a sheepish giggle under her breath, scratching the back of the neck “—Didn’t even know which was the last time I’ve been inside, before today.”
Which, and not when, she catches. Because the last time was before their cooling. However it was, it happened before Ellie stopped talking to him.
Lupita never really understood what happened between them, what could’ve possibly happened during that warm, unspecial year when around Ellie’s 17, that made her friend avoid Joel like a plague. Lupita was just 15, at that time, and all she knew was that Ellie and the oldest Miller were a team before, and now Ellie never stayed too long where Joel was. Rooms, patrols, dinners at Tommy and Maria’s… she had tried to ask Tommy before, one of these particular times. When they were both sitting side by side on his porch steps.
“They don’t hate each other now, kid.” Is what Tommy told her, even though she already knew any hatred seemed to be coming just from Ellie. “But they have their differences.”
“We have our differences and we’re not like that.” She had argued stubbornly, in a way that made Tommy laugh.
“Yeah, thank God we’re not, honey. But it’s complicated— much so I’m not even that much inside of what’s happening. Just know that… It isn’t my place to tell whatever about it. It’s Ellie’s.”
And when she had dared to ask Ellie one time when she was on patrol, more later than that, she was only met with a…
“Joel and me, we just… We disagree on things. Too many things. And at some point this shit just drives you insane, that’s all.”
And she never asked Joel about it. Because just their brief mentions of Ellie, on the few occasions they were together, seemed to hurt him enough.
And even now, face to face with Ellie where she seemed tired enough to run away from any attempt of conversation, Lupita figures she doesn’t ask again for the same reason she never asked Joel. Instead, she takes the pillow from her lap and lays it on the hard arm of the couch, before she rests her nest of arms and head on it. And uncurls her legs. Ellie seems to sense her acomodation from the corner of her eyes, and she doesn’t seem to mind, neither does Lupita.
She eyes Ellie softly, at her friend’s akward, intentional confession “You’d like to remember?”
Ellie’s gaze remains on her guitar on the floor, and the sigh that leaves her body doesn’t seem to weight more than the air she breathes. “Yeah—” She cleans her throat “Yeah… I don’t know.” She frowns a bit to herself, and Lupita listens patiently.
When she thinks El might not elaborate, the girl mutters “…I just didn’t know exactly what I expected, going back there."Her eyes blink slowly in thought. And maybe tiredness. "I guess… I don’t know. It was all the same.”
Except for him, Lupita thinks.
“Yeah, that’s kind of the worst part.”
It falls simple, not holding suspense or expectation underneath, and sinks in a soft cadance between them as if it was nothing.
But Ellie’s gaze, that has been travelling around the corners of her room and barely has been on her friend, moves up. Like the ears of a dog perking up, as if something was worth finally catching her attention. Her green eyes snap to the girl on the couch, something in the older teen’s face seemed to change just so subtly. Untwist, Dean soon sees the reflection in Ellie’s irises. Just for a moment, understood for the first time.
The brief, silent share is broken by a sound coming from outside. Her shoulders flinch at the noise of presence at the front door, just the way she has been doing much more often since Jackson was attacked last winter, and before she can ask El if she’s been waiting someone, the door of the garage flies open and steps are already crossing inside without permission.
“Got another map,” Dina’s voice is already heard even before the door opens, and and when it does, the girl is still there talking before Ellie could think of trying to shush her “—And some more ammo, it’s not much so we’ll have switch with knives. So we don’t run out before we even get to Seattle…”
Dina’s voice dies by the time her booted feet reach inside and she stops on her tracks, looking at the empty bed near the door first to find no one. Her dark eyes then runs searching to the other side of the room, and when she finally spots Ellie— and the other presence on the couch, Lupita considers she did walk on something here.
The front door slams shut behind Dina like a hollow hammer blow before silence falls flat between them.
At first, she can feel the weight of Dina’s gaze on her — in which Lupita is far busier paying more attention to the shoulder bag the girl is carrying to get bothered —, then she glances up just in time to see the way her eyes snap to Ellie with a look of expectation.
But Ellie doesn’t look back, returning Dina’s quiet desperation for guidance. For a short, smooth escape. In fact, when Lupita’s head turns to her friend sitting near, Ellie is staring at her before their eyes even meet. Lips parted, sensing. Studying the gears turning in Lupita’s brain until the small realization lands like a feather on the younger girl.
When it does—
“Seattle?”
Dina curses under her breath, something Lupita barely listens as she hurries to speak over the other girl. Frowning, eyes still on Ellie. “…You’re going after them.”
It’s almost monotonous. A thin, unsure line between question and accusation. Ellie blinks, and she wonders if the girl notices how just the foreign idea of her own guess threatens to build a nausea soon. But Ellie doesn’t deny, instead just straightning herself on her chair and bringing her jaw foward unconsciously. And Lupita just doesn’t really see now any trace of the gauche, hesitant girl she was talking just moments before.
Dina’s voice is heard again, in a poor attempt of an excuse on the tip of her tongue, but Ellie dimisses “—No, Dina. It’s alright.” She says, serious but not unkind. Eyes still glued to hers.
With that, Lupita doesn’t really knows how to talk, for a moment. She opens her mouth, closes again, and next time she says something is through lips barely parted. “How…”
Ellie jump on her feet, leaving the seat of swivel chair rolling to the sides as she walks to pick up a paper from under a pile of them underneath a large space book, like it was all hidden there in a rush. She comes back in composed strides to give it to Lupita before sitting back on her place.
“When those people came after Joel, they had this their patches with this.” Ellie explains while she unfolds the piece of paper given to her, to find what seems to be a symbol. The sketch is raw, flawed enough to guess it probably wasn’t made by Ellie. W.L.F was in the top of the big circle like it was supposed to mean something. Ellie kept talking:
“[…]—ashington Liberation Front. That’s in seattle. I’ve already looked on the map, it wouldn’t even take many days to get there.” Lupita ponders, diverting her eyes from the furious figure of a wolf staring at her from the paper, to look up. Ellie’s voice is low, and she can hear something else creep on her calculated tone. Something dangerous. “…Just some time, and we’ll be able to end what they started.”
The seconds carried in slience stretch for a bit, and she has to look back on the acronym between her hands when Ellie’s gaze on her becomes overwelming. Analytical, as if she’s waiting for a piece of her thought. She turns back to Ellie “How do you know it’s them?”
Ellie blinks. “Huh?”
“I said, how do you know this” she holds the paper with one hand “Would lead us to them? What if they stole these jackets and backpacks?”
A scoff, and again “What?”
“I’m not saying you’re wrong, Ellie, It’s just an option” She presses, ignoring the way Ellie shakes her head in stress. “And… Okay. Let’s say you’re right, do you even know exactly who to find, at least?”
“Yes, Dina got the names of them.”
Like she just got reminded of the third girl’s presence in the room since Ellie showed her the wolf sketch, Lupita’s eyes target Dina. Her voice is composed and quiet, but a tad more accusatory than she would’ve intended: “You said to the council you didn’t know anything about that day…” Dina frowns a bit at that then, face flinching. Like the words slapped her. Maybe, in any other hour, she would’ve felt bad. She can, because not even for a moment, even if she was never really close to the girl, she would want Dina to feel somehow guilty somehow for anything to do with Joel’s murder. And yet… “You didn’t say no one anything else than how many people where there, what they looked like,”
Dina shakes her head, still seeming hurt despite her indifferent posture “Ellie was hospitalized, I thought it best to tell her the rest when she was ready to do something about it. She didn’t need this at that moment,”
“And withheld all of this from Tommy when he needed to know what happened to his own brother?”
“For fuck’s sake—it doesn’t matter” Ellie interjects, patience running out now “It’s not like they would’ve sent a group of people not even if the town did a vote or something, we know that— so can we just focus on the important here?”
Her eyes, appearing somewhat more opaque than the vibrant green of her irises, give Dina a glance before they move to Ellie — As if the the last part was more directed to her than to the other girl. Right. WLF.
Lupita relaxes her upper lips that has she must’ve pressed against her front teeth at some point, and sighs. At the silent agreement, Ellie walks to her grey backpack lying next to her basket of used clothes, tossed slugligh in the corner she haven’t noticed there before. Ellie’s nimble hands pull a roll from her backpack and quickly unfolds it, revealing a map on her desk. Lupita follows.
“We don’t know exactly how long it took them to come to Jackson, but two months already passed, so whatever they came back from they already got back there by now.” She can see the few small scribbles and question marks in some places, all places on the west, while she keeps talking: “It’s approximately 860 or 900 miles to get there, but we’ll get there faster horseriding.”
“One or two horses?”
“Just shimmer.” Ellie answers Dina, eyes running over the foreign locations on the paper like she had done that countless times before. “It’s better if we save supplies.”
“I don’t get it…” Lupita keeps eyeing the map, and the distance between places until Wyoming. “Why did they bother to come, all this way, to… what, just kill one of ours and leave?”
“That we don’t know for sure, specially given the fact… me and Joel stopped to help her.” Her. Right. The unknown girl that apparently killed him directly. Joel’s murderer. She remembers the few things previously said and follows Dina’s line of reasoning, but something caughts her attention from the corner of her eyes.
Ellie’s face is as stoic as when Dina came, with her lips slightly pressed in thought, face eyes seeming surken and smaller with the dark circles that began to form around her eyelids— and she doesn’t miss the weight flahsing between them. Short, knowing. Unsure, and kept in all the same. The kind of look it reminds Lupita of someone who’s holding a forbiden knowledge to themselves and thinking about it. In a second, she feels like she saw it for too long, but then it’s faded so soon she doubts her own perception.
And Ellie’s risked eyebrow raises an inch at her. Or narrow. “what?”
“…nothing,” Lupita shakes her head, still looking at Ellie for an akward beat. Forcing away the The furrowed wrinkle that has formed without her consent on her forhead, she turns to the map “So your plan is to kill this girl, the—”
“Abby.” She says. She’s surprised she doesn’t hear it through grinding teeth. “And the others.”
“Right. And… easy like that? Just like they did?” Ellie doesn’t hide the way she Inhales deeply, bringing her hands to her waist. She unconsciously mirrors the girl’s impatience “C'mon Ellie, I’m just worried. The way you’re talking and planning it’s almost like a walk in the park, like we can go there the same way they got here. But that is their area—”
“And you think I didn’t think of that?”
“So you thought about the chances that Abby and her gang are probably not the only ones from this survival group you’ll find on the way, right?” It rubs her wrong, the way Ellie mumbles to herself like she’s talking bullshit. And her voice still raises a tone in defensive “What?, if they even got their own patches then seattle must be overflowing with these guys.”
“Jesus— if you think this is all just shit, fine. I’m going one way or another, so it doesn’t matter. If I didn’t say anything to Tommy and Maria or the council to spare me from all the talk, it’s not you who’ll convince me to drop it. Just…forget everything you heard, Lupita, 'this was a mistake…” She mumbles, already rolling the map back and walking to Dina.
She montions for the bag hanging over the girl’s shoulder, asking what Dina’s got even though she’s already unzipping the thing.
“Drop it?” Lupita asks then, or rather whispers, frowning. “Are you…you think I’m asking all of this to make you give up and let them get away?”
Ellie looks back over her shoulder, and something in her tired face almost softens, maybe, before she quirks an eyebrow “You’re not?”
And then Lupita says the thing that would probably make her grandmother squirm in her grave:
“…No? I’m coming with you.”
And the lack of noise that comes after that kind of reminds her of the time she asked Maria if there was any chance Jackson could have cocaine trees.
In her defense, she was eleven. And Soraya, who works in the greenhouse, was telling Maria how some survivors group that visited the town said something about trading seeds of plants and fruits Jackson didn’t have. Before Lupita got curious, of course, and made Tommy almost choke on his beer the moment the word 'cocaine’ left her mouth.
She doesn’t remember why was the word stored in her mind or how did it even got there, now that she thinks about it. But at least at that time, the silence had been broken differently than now— with relieved sighs and a akward laughs, after they realized what she meant ('what? isn’t that… like, the fruit that makes chocolate?’, 'Oh, honey, that’s not—’). But now with Ellie…
She turns her whole body to Lupita, instead of looking over her shoulder. Even Dina, by her side, seems surprised. Thick, black eyebrows raised and lips parting slightly as if she already had her opinion about it on the tip of her mouth— and yet, glances at Ellie by her side to test waters…
“No.”
Lupita’s voice is flat “What?”
“You heard me” Ellie adds, unbothered, certain. Not even glancing back at the girl by her side. Almost shrugging “You won’t.”
Dina shots Ellie a reprimanding look, tone delicate but grounding “Ellie…”
“I can’t believe you’re not even considering…” Lupita declares, deception taking shape in her own voice.
“You were just now counting all the ways this could go wrong, and now you wanna volunteer?”
“Yes, you’re the one who said that back at the clinic they told you to rest, remember? They wouldn’t say this for no reason, you’ll have more chances if you let me help.”
“Okay, and what’s your plan? Come with us and leave a note, say this was your idea?” She asks rhetorically, impatience beginning to surface each second. “If something happened to you, Tommy would never forgive me…” She huffs, shaking her head to the sides like the girl in front of her just grown two heads.
“So is that what this is about, then?” She searches in Ellie’s eyes, jaw setting “Cause I’m not a child, Ellie, and Tommy is not my father.”
She ignores the way the both girls share a brief look like they thought otherwise on the last matter (and the way Ellie’s jaw gets hard), instead focusing on the way her unconvinced friend turns her back again to inspect Dina’s bag, trying to come up with an answer “—It doesn’t matter. You’re still… young.”
“Oh shut up, you’re just two years older.” She sees Dina’s eyes get rounder from the corner of her vision, and she notices Ellie’s shoulders tense once again. “This is so unserious, Ellie, can’t you see you’re running out of excuses as much as much as I am with ways to convince you?”
“Then don’t!” Ellie raises her voice, over her shoulder. Not a scream, not a lousy thing that could bring any attention from any life near the garage— instead, her command is sharp. Like a blade cutting the air around from her mouth, a tone she’s seen shut other people up in other occasions.
It stings, just a fair bit, against her will. And she wonders, perhaps in brief empathy, how many occasions Joel had listen to it in his last months.
She thinks Ellie’s gonna say— or perhaps, spit—something else, but like she suddenly got reminded of a priority, she turns her back around and sighs. The bag Dina brought now being emptied, with things Lupita can only get glimpses of behind Ellie’s body.
“What’s this?” Ellie’s voice is calmer, but she can still sense the tiredness weighing on it.
“Waterproof Jacket.” Dina answers, and the look she sends Ellie before her next appeal is almost as if they had already disagreed about something like this before “Heard Seattle is rainy, you need a new one. Food?”
“Took care of it.” Ellie doesn’t protests, “And the second map?”
“Just in case. Oh, and I didn’t find new batteries for your flashlight, do you want me to ask—”
“No, it’s okay… If mine dies we’ll just share yours, that ok?” She asks in a low tone and Dina hums, before her green eyes finally darts to the direction of her desk, in search of something, but finds Lupita’s figure first. Like the girls are present and she’s the elephant in the room or the odd one out, a blanket ghost trying to be part of something more visible than herself.
For the first time in Ellie’s garage, something close to embarrasment washes over her and discomfort makes her stomach churn, as she feels the sudden feeling of wanting to be anywhere else.
So she cleans her throat akwardly, and the fake contentment in her mumble is not louder that her shoes rushing to the front door. Or the four eyes that follow her cross the room. “Right. I suppose should…”
“Lupita,” Ellie hesitates, and before she could think of taking advantage of being low enough to pretend she didn’t hear and get the fuck out, a mild dark thought crosses her mind— the idea of this ever being the last time she sees Ellie (hell, even Dina), if something goes wrong on their way. That this, and whatever comes from here, could be her last conversation with Ellie.
She doesn’t turn back to look, but maybe that’s what stops her dead on her tracks, and she hears Ellie step closer and the occupied noise of Dina scribbling something behind them.
“L—look, I don’t want…” Ellie clicks her tongue, and Lupita sees from the corner of her eyes as the girl brings her left hand to the other, stroking her ring finger in circles as she struggles. She wonders if the same thought has passed through Ellie too, but then doubts. “I didn’t wanted all of this to come out like that.”
“It’s okay, I’ll keep my mouth shut.”
The defensiveness, spark of distance in her voice is palpable, but also tingled with blind loyalty— but Ellie frowns immediately “What? No, I wasn’t gonna say that…”
“But I won’t, it’s fine.” She assures, voice tight, and sighs in a mix of redemption and begging “Can I go, now?” Please, some part of her tries to say through their exchanged look.
Ellie seems to think briefly. Conclicted, for only a second. And there’s nothing more Lupita needs to do before the girl nods, a little disconcerted, and mutters an acceptance while dragging her feet backwards.
Lupita’s already out before Ellie’s beside Dina again.
She doesn’t know if she’d have the balls to deny if someone accused her of avoiding people for the rest of the day. Just like the annoying voice in the back of her head tells her she’s doing.
Actually, is very natural for her to be alone. Not in a miserable, depressing sort of way, but really in the joy of her own company. Read a book on her couch, sit on her porch and listen to her discman for long hours, take something sweet on the dining hall just to sit by one of the tables and draw something on her notebook, and that’s not even all she could think of doing to entertain herself. One good part about enjoying solitude, is that people around don’t blink when’ you’re alone and actually miserable. And Lupita thinks about it, with a selfish gratitude, when she stays inside for the rest of the day.
But she knew that wasn’t the case, and if it turned out to be, it wasn’t completely. She didn’t woke up that morning and planned to stay inaccessible and invisible for everyone else’s eyes, in fact, she thought about Tommy. Thought about their conversation, about the lightness felt after their heart-to-heart was almost like their usual rhythm, and wondered if she could have a piece of that again. Thought if Maria would notice whatever change of the Lupita’s mood, of even see what Jen and Gabe are up to. But that was before she visited Ellie that morning.
Now, just the idea of being near Tommy while being mouth-shut like she told Ellie she would, made her want to shrive up.
So decided to keep herself at home around noon, thinking Maria’s 'day off’ offer wasn’t bad, afterall. And trying not to think about how what she was doing was probably hiding.
And not even a whole day home alone was enough to stop her from overthinking. Specially with the hours passing. Specially when she knew that, by the end, no second thoughts would stop her from being a loyal friend: that Ellie and Dina would soon hit the road, and she would have to watch it and do nothing.
And by the time the dark night crawled out enough and the windows around town were , Lupita stepped outside her own dark porch. Cold air filled her nostrills and lungs in a calming way, despite the situation, and she hid her hands in the warm pockets of her jacket. They could still fill her own heart through her ribcage and her clothes— not pouding in rush, but heavier with unsease.
Her own brows frown in a smidgen of determination, and she begins to walk in the dim night.
Her path extends through the minutes with an eerie sense of quietude. She hears the leaves of the trees on the way shaking around with the breeze that senses the begining of spring, and the sounds of her footsteps are light rhythmic against her own thoughts. She passes by the houses and places she’s seen another times before, and the there’s a certain familiarity in seeing them from a different light. Or rather, the lack of it. The moon follows her with loyalty above like weaker version of the flashlight she’s hiding with her.
By the time she’s at least two corners away from her house and just a few metters on the street to a particular house, the sounds of her footsteps seems to become double. The echoes of her own sound muffled, distant. But when her feet comes to stop, she actually realizes the weak sound is actually coming closer.
Just in time, she looks foward. And her eyes caughts the slim silhouete emerge in the dark, and Dina stumbles from the opposite direction Lupita was going.
“Lupita?” Her whisper opens a crack in the silent air, and Lupita senses the confusion in the girl’s voice even before her brain grasps her triangular face from the shadows. Her voice perks again, curiosity blurring in her tone “What you’re doing here?”
“I imagined I could find you before you two left, almost thought I was late.”
She sees the moment the girl hesistates, and her dark brows raise slightly before her suspicion creeps in her words “…Don’t tell me—”
“No, I’m not joining uninvited” She rolls her eyes, more annoyed than upset at this point, and her left hand toches the cold plastic between the waist of her pants.
“Then what…”
Dina’s voice dies as the other pulls out something bellow her jacket’s hem, and the older girl blink blankly to the thing covering Lupita’s hand.
“You know how a hand crank flashlight works?” She asks with expectation, and when she’s met with a curious silent, she takes Dina’s wrist in her left hand and slides the cold object in the girl’s palm.
“You see this thing right here?” Her right finger poits to the middle of a flashlight, and she doesn’t wait for an answer before she demonstrates “You’ll pull it out and spin some few times,” She does it twice, and the hissing of it makes Dina glance to both sides to check if they’re still alone. “This will make the flashlight produce light when you slide this button on the corner to turn it on. You’re following?”
Dina glances foward, closing her half open lips and nodding with focus.
“Good.” She hides her hands in her coat again, having the In a hurry to get back home when a particularly icy breeze blows her cheeks and sends a shiver running down her body “Tell Ellie to prioritize her own flashlight when you’ll need to be silent, since this one makes noise. Might make hers last a little longer.”
Dina nods again, this time slower, and Lupita sees the look glim in the girl’s dark eyes when she glances up to her again. They’re softer, thinner in almost serenity and the brown skin of her forehead wrinkles just a tad between her eyebrows.
“You know—” She hesitates before she begins, voice deep and gentle all the same in a knowing tone “Ellie doesn’t doubt you. Neither me, ’t be clear ” she adds, and Lupita holds her breath for the sudden topic.
Dina keeps going, almost like she’s not in a hurry to leave. As if she isn’t being waited for, at some dark corner, to scape. Her voice drops in seriousness, then: “She cares very much about you. I see, even if she doesn’t know how a better way to demonstrate it— but she does.”
“I know.”
“Okay.” Dina returns her nod, then waves the flashlight in her hand. “Thanks for this, by the way. I’ll put this in Ellie’s backpack, we’ll bring it back in one piece.”
“Oh— ok, yeah, you should go, I don’t wanna make you guys late.” Lupita says, and when Dina passes by her, she whispers again “Dina.”
Dina turns, and she sees the black wisps of hair scaping from the beanie protecting her head from the cold. She wonders why didn’t she also put one before heading out of her house. “Be careful out there.”
taglist: @lululovesyoutoo @ivyinthesun @cowboylikelil comment if you wanna be part of taglist too!
ch2 tracklist🎧: words are dead by agnes obel, faux by novo amor, sem essa by jards macale, i still care for you by ray lamontagne, digital bath (acoustic version) by deftones
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