#personal problems

On Mondays I’m sure I’m going to quit and look for ranch work.

Tuesdays I think I just need to spend more time with my friends here.

Wednesdays I’m resigned to the fact that staying is the most financially stable option.

Thursdays AAAAH NO!!! I’m leaving for Europe as soon as I can.

Fridays I’m going to buy a house.

Saturday & Sunday—Don’t get another dog don’t get another dog you’re not that bored don’t get another dog I’m sure life will get interesting in other ways do not get a dog and definitely don’t get a horse

i don’t really like sundays because most sundays i sit at home and rot in my bed, it makes me feel bad (in a dirty unclean like way) and i dislike that feeling a lot

i also like going out so it makes me bored too since i just have to do the same stuff over and over

The neighborhood dogs are becoming a problem. One of the renters in the triplex next door has this mutt of a massive bully mix. They send their kids outside to walk it, and they aren’t strong enough to hold on to it. Twice now it’s come over here. Thankfully it just seems very confused each time and I’ve been able to grab it’s leash and take it back to the kid. These are the same kids that I found leaning on my fence and had to tell them to go home. Talked to the mom, explained my insurance concerns. Not a fuck to give. Across the street there is a massive thing that looks like some eldritch horror werewolf in the pre-dawn light. He is not friendly. Have had to chase him back home now too.

I am glad now that I am keeping the chickens in, but I worry that Wynston is always off leash when I am outside, and obviously the horses are in their pasture. Wynston is tiny, and the horses both love dogs and would probably come to investigate a loose dog vs run from it.

I have a western saddle for sale, and I’ve had some interest in it, until we get to shipping. I am not really sure what people expect. It’s long, it’s heavy, and I am in the corner of the country on the east coast. I’m even using PirateShip to give quotes, and as soon as I do, it’s either, “okay, let me think about it,” “that’s too much,” or crickets. Very frustrating.

excited for bts comeback but will be in europe for the first time so don’t have time to fully hyperfixate on it

Nooo I’m more sad to see good things go then happy that the good thing happened. And therefore less motivated to seek out a life more filled with goods things even tho that’s what will fix this mindset. Fuuuuuuck

Hah, I posted a comment on a pro-trans comedian’s post where I mentioned I was nonbinary and some random white cissy boy responded, “we can all tell.” —which, I can tell was meant as a threat or something, but tbh it was kind of sweet. I’m not visibly counter-culture most of the time and evidence suggests most people either assume I’m a 17 year old farm boy or an eccentric butch lesbian. Nobody (except random kids in pride flag masks) ever assumes I’m nonbinary, because they don’t know that’s a thing. The only person who sussed I was nonbinary in the last 5 years was a hot horse dentist from Minnesota. The closest I’ve ever experienced to in-person harassment was a hick at a gas station saying “nice ass” as he walked past. I’ll never know if he was gay.

I would have a much better day any day that I found out Ben Shabeebo died, but I still feel kinda bad for him with the eyebrow situation. He just wanted gender affirming care. It might look silly to me but if that’s what he wanted to look like—who am I to judge? I truly do not care about that aspect of his existence at all, and any kind of body mockery online always rubs me the wrong way. Everyone deserves to mess around with their look and their gender expression I guess, even simpering fascist asshats.

Wouldn’t dream of telling anyone to stop clowning on him, just saying it makes me kinda sad that that happens.

I don’t think I’ve been so into a game or fandom as Hades that I’ve been spending more money on fan merch than with Yugioh or Kingdom Hearts combined.

Ugh. I do not want to do it, but I am going to have to start putting out traps in my barn. I am being absolutely overrun by voles. I don’t know if they were that bad in there before I moved the horses in, or moving the hay in there has invited them in, but yeah… When I cleaned beneath the pallet before restocking hay this weekend from the other barn, the amount of vole poop was of epic proportions.

thinking about that one comment on my ‘pacing yourself at work’ post that was warning folks not to use a manual mouse jiggler all day because being locked in for 8 hours straight will seem unnatural and might flag as an anomaly in the system that gets you fired.

You have put your thumb on the very crux of the problem!

That is exactly how locked in I am in my natural state. If I get focused on a task, I forget I have a body. Give the mouse jiggler breaks? Bruther I can’t even remember to do that for me. 😂

But it was good advice though, if you’re being good about giving that 40-60% most of the time, unlike my dumb ass that keeps slipping up.

Currently at the emergency vet at 2am because wynston hasn’t been able to keep any food down all afternoon and evening. As soon as we get here he’s fine. Bloodwork is fine. Bank account not fine.

I still feel mad about things, but I’ve been trying to change how I think about it. At least I don’t feel the sad weight inside I’ve been feeling for months even though not everything in my life is perfect. The most happiness I feel is through playing Hades and Hades II. Other than that all I can do is press on and get things over with.

my happy place

reupload but its scensored

Anyways I was supposed to post like bits and pieces of the mangas I am currently reading on this blog well initially that is why I made it but I have just been feeling so down and I can’t even focus on reading any right now

Just throwing this out there.

I had good intentions. Last night I had the idea that in the morning, I would wipe down the kitchen cabinets and walls as they all need a good scrub.

But when I see them in daylight the mess just feels overwhelming. I think I am the only person in our household (hubs and teens) who even cares they look dirty. And I’m sure if someone did come by they would not even notice they were dirty (or extra clean).

And even if I did wipe the messes on the cabinets, behind the faucet, and on the fridge shelves- the kids would make it dirty again. And I’d be in the same position I am now. Do I clean it or not for my efforts to be fruitless?

I figured if I did some housework, I could reward myself with a purchase (a purse I’ve been eyeing), but I’m really not that motivated to scrub the kitchen.

: /

You know your leftist post hits hard when the nazi harassment bots show up for it.

Not sure whether it’s best to report for bot spam or hate speech violation. Wish there was a ‘hate bot’ flagging option where you didn’t have to copy paste comment fields every time.

Started taking antidepressants for a few days, and guess it’s starting to take effect. But right now I’m feeling mad about things at my current job, mainly that I feel constantly stressed about handling some responsibilities and I don’t feel connected to anyone there.

Though there is some good new. I had a short, successful job interview today and hope will have another success second interview soon.

damn friday 13th in February, meaning it was exactly 11yrs ago that i got my first tattoo