before & after:[vanilla survival minecraft]
around 08/2024, i started on my first SMP - Stonevania… i was somewhat hesitant, as in the past i have only experienced playing with others on modded servers with limited interaction. on those servers, there were also a few occasions where my base & my items were stolen, broken, taken, etc.
i have a trauma history created by domestic violence; therefore, i usually tend to avoid conflict & have some anxiety, depression, & C-PTSD which lends itself to sometimes misunderstanding a situation or just completely falling in on myself because i find it hard to believe that others would actually like what i am doing (such as a build) or even just like me in general.
like starting a Minecraft base from nothing, healing feels somewhat like that journey… i started out the healing process with no tools, had to punch some wood (figuratively), & finally settled into a space:[myself] that felt comfortable…
i have learned a lot by being on an SMP… i even ran away (flight response) for a lil while because i was overwhelmed with my interactions with others (not due to anything they did), but this was due to my trauma-history brain pushing out my healing brain.
so, all of that is said to let you know - nothing is linear… whether you are creating anything such as in Minecraft or in your life or in the healing process - sometimes, it is like an ouroboros turning on itself many times over; then, finally, we realize - we no longer need to fight with ourselves…
we can take our tools, build our safe space, & place within it all those things/our thoughts that help us to feel comfortable &, dare i say, cozy & held…
please take care ~
these are before: my mangrove swamp
these are after: the Bog of Whispers
you can visit me here on YouTube, tap on the Stonevania SMP playlist to see the transformation…