hate you || jjk
im gonna hate you, paint you like the villain that you never were. im gonna blame you for things that you don’t do. hating you’s the only way it doesn’t hurt.
☾ pairing: jungkook x fem!reader
☾ w.c: 2,2k
☾ genre: angst, break up, exes
☾ warnings: mentions of break up, crying, not eating bc shes too sad, depression, fighting
☾ author’s note: hope you guys liked it. i was inspired by jk’s new song. btw Golden is so good.
You and he would have liked to have survived that great war. But some wars are too devastating for there to be survivors. You used to believe that love could overcome anything. Jungkook genuinely thought that you both could move mountains and change the world together. Both of you felt invincible, unbreakable, eternal. However, reality isn’t always what we plan or want it to be. Reality is harsh, tough, and overwhelming. And when reality weakens you, not even the greatest love can survive.
[[MORE]]
That’s how you two ended things after over a year of struggle, both deeply wounded and needing to reevaluate so much. It wasn’t the problem of being together, but rather the fact that the year had been unkind to both of you individually.
You were working exhaustively for nearly twelve hours a day, with no time to breathe, trying not to feel overwhelmed, which was impossible because you were constantly swamped with work from the company. And it wasn’t just work; you had to take care of your sick mother, try not to stress all the time, and also provide support to your boyfriend.
Jungkook, on the other hand, had been laid off. Finding a job was difficult for him, and he felt useless. With so much free time and so little productivity, intrusive and deceitful thoughts easily took over his mind. Jungkook felt sad and inadequate most of the time. He couldn’t handle his frustration. With such different routines, you barely had time to be together.
Of course, you both tried to do your best. You always found some time together at the end of the day, but you always ended up falling asleep from exhaustion, leaving Jungkook feeling somewhat neglected. Financial problems started to arise, with bills piling up, and your salary barely covering the household expenses. Budget cuts eliminated almost all your leisure activities.
But then, Jungkook got a job opportunity. What seemed like a light at the end of the tunnel ultimately sealed the fate of your relationship: he had to move to a different country for six months.
“We can do it,” you kept reassuring yourselves when everything seemed hopeless. But your schedules no longer matched, work-related stress led to arguments like never before in your five-year relationship. You felt like you were regressing, with Jungkook becoming more reactive and you more sensitive. During each argument, neither of you could comfort or calm the other as you used to. The reasons for the fights were extremely trivial and petty.
He decided to end it because he no longer felt he was making you happy. It was a Wednesday night, and he responded coldly to one of your messages, causing you to panic and become completely triggered, thinking he was angry. Jungkook wasn’t mad; he had just replied in a hurry, and it was another misunderstanding, as it usually was. Your communication, which had always been good, had deteriorated.
You called him, already in tears, which startled him. He realized that this had become a frequent occurrence and that he was no longer the amazing boyfriend he used to be for you. The conversation about breaking up was no longer a subject you avoided; it had become all too common. It wasn’t a misunderstanding, as you pleaded for him to believe, nor was it that one message that marked the end. It was the culmination of countless issues.
Jungkook held his ground, believing that you would be better off without him, but that wasn’t true. He cried for an entire month, and so did you. In fact, you couldn’t even get out of bed for the first week. You lost weight because you had lost your appetite and tried everything to forget him after the first two months. He buried himself in work and distractions to avoid thinking about you. He checked your social media profiles every day, while you avoided his, thinking it would make things easier.
A year after the breakup, there you were, at a bar, wearing a tight red dress with a side slit, lips matching the dress’s shade. Your hair was styled, and you were smiling. You had changed jobs, giving yourself more time, and even adopted a cat. Jungkook had also moved back, was living well, and attending therapy, feeling lighter. But seeing you there was a shock.
“Is everything okay?” Taehyung asked, looking in your direction. Jungkook blinked a few more times and turned to his friend.
“Yeah, it is,” he nodded. “It’s just unexpected to find her here.”
“I know,” Tae said, taking a sip of his drink. “I’ve seen her here before.”
“So, she comes here a lot,” Jungkook muttered. “Is she dating someone?” he asked, looking at his hands.
“No,” his friend replied, looking back at you, who hadn’t noticed the two of them.
“It’s funny, isn’t it?” Jungkook spoke with bitterness. “Look at how she’s doing fine, smiling, all dressed up. I bet she’s doing great while I’m a mess.”
Taehyung shook his head. “Don’t talk like that.”
“But it’s true,” Jungkook rolled his eyes, feeling angry that you seemed to be doing well.
And then you saw him. Your eyes locked for a brief moment, long enough for you to lose your breath, and your leg muscles felt like jelly, weak and unsteady.
You took a long sip of your vodka with lemon and excused yourself to get some fresh air outside the club. Leaning against the wall, you took a deep breath. You were hyperventilating, fearing the implications of seeing Jungkook there. What if he kissed someone else right in front of you?
“Y/N,” Mark, your coworker, noticed you. He extinguished the cigarette he was smoking and approached you. “What’s wrong?” he asked, looking concerned as you swallowed hard, your eyes welling up.
“Jungkook,” you murmured. He knew the whole story. “He’s here.”
Just as those words left your lips, he appeared. Hair slicked back, those beautiful eyebrows, sharp jawline, and compressed lips. He walked toward you, and it felt like the music in the club had become muffled.
“Good evening,” he whispered and gave Mark a once-over.
“I’ll leave you two alone,” Mark said, stepping away from you.
Having him so close hurt. It felt like numerous knives were piercing your heart and stabbing you. It was an inexplicable pain. You still loved him so much.
“Sorry for interrupting your date,” he began in an ironic tone, and you blinked a few times, processing what he had just said.
“It would only be a date if I were a man too,” you retorted, and you saw Jungkook’s expression change to one of embarrassment. His mouth opened a few times, but no words came out. “Well, you don’t need to say anything,” you shrugged.
“I just…” Jungkook started, and you could see the frustration in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your night.”
You sighed, realizing that he was deflecting. “Jungkook, let’s not do this here, okay?” Your voice was strained as you tried to keep your emotions in check.
He looked away for a moment, and then back at you.
“Well, I won’t do anything. I don’t even know why I came to talk to you when your life is just perfect, and clearly, your annoying ex-boyfriend’s interference is going to cause you trouble, right?”
You could sense the bitterness in his voice, and it stung. You remembered the good times you’d had together, and it was painful to see him like this, blaming you for the breakup. It was clear that there were unresolved feelings and unresolved issues between the two of you.
As Jungkook’s words hung in the air, you struggled to find the right response..
You took a deep breath and spoke, your voice filled with a mix of sadness and frustration.
“Jungkook, we can’t just avoid each other forever. Maybe someday, we can talk, really talk, and try to understand what happened between us. But not here, not now.”
“It’s easy for you. You’ve moved on, and I’m left picking up the pieces. You’re here looking so happy while I’m still trying to make sense of everything.“
You knew that engaging in an argument in the middle of the club wouldn’t lead to a productive conversation, but Jungkook’s bitterness was difficult to ignore.
"Jungkook, I never said I was happy,” you responded, your voice tinged with frustration. “This isn’t about me moving on or trying to hurt you. It’s about both of us finding a way to heal and move forward. I never wanted it to end this way.”
Jungkook’s gaze hardened, and he clenched his jaw, unable to hide the turmoil of his emotions.
“It’s like you forgot about everything we had,” he muttered bitterly.
You took a step closer to him, wanting to make him understand.
"I haven’t forgotten, Jungkook.”
He let out a bitter laugh, which made you roll your eyes. "Just admit that you’re better off without me,” he furrowed his brow.
“I’m not admitting anything, Jungkook,” you raised your voice.
“Breaking up with me was the best thing you ever did, wasn’t it?” Jungkook said, his eyes slightly welling up. It was subtle, but you knew him well enough to sense that he might cry.
“It wasn’t me who broke up with you. You were the one who ended it!”
“And you’ve been so much happier since,” he said, making you huff.
“Why are you doing this? Painting me as the villain?”
“I’m not.”
“You so fucking are.”
“Can I just disagree with the way you handled our breakup?” he inquired, and you placed your hands on your waist in indignation.
“The way I handled it?” your voice grew strident. “What do you mean by that? You don’t even know how I handled our breakup.”
You looked at him incredulously.
“I do,” he shrugged. “You dyed your hair, changed jobs, started going to the gym.”
You shook your head in denial.
“And you kept track of it all through social media, where we only post what we want. I bet you don’t know about the nights I lost crying or pounds I lost in the first two weeks because I wasn’t eating.”
He looked taken aback by your firm response, but his bitterness persisted. “I know you were hurt, and I know you had a hard time. But I also know that you moved on quickly.”
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “Moved on quickly? You think I just shrugged it off and moved on without a care in the world? You think I didn’t struggle with the pain of losing you, the person I loved the most?”
Jungkook’s gaze wavered for a moment as he seemed to realize the weight of your emotions.
“I didn’t mean it that way. I just…”
You cut him off, your voice trembling.
“You don’t get to minimize my feelings, Jungkook. I went through hell after we broke up, and I’m still dealing with it. And if you want to hate me fine.“
Jungkook stood there, his face reflecting a mix of emotions.
"I don’t want to hate you, but sometimes I feel like it’s the only way” Jungkook finally admitted, his voice softer than before. “I’ve just been struggling, too.”
You took a deep breath, your anger and frustration gradually subsiding. “Jungkook, I don’t want us to hate each other. We had something special once, and I don’t want it all to be tainted with bitterness.”
He nodded in agreement, a trace of relief in his eyes.
“I wish we could go back and change things.”
You couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness. "I wish that too, Jungkook, but we can’t change the past. All we can do is decide how we want to move forward.”
“Maybe we can try to talk, not now, but sometime soon. See if we can understand what went wrong.”
You nodded in agreement.
“Yes, we can do that. But not here.”
Jungkook reached out and placed a hand on your arm, a gentle touch.
"I’m sorry, Y/N, for everything. I don’t want to hurt you.”
You smiled, a small but genuine one.
“I’m sorry, too, Jungkook. Let’s take the time to heal, okay?”
As you stood there in the midst of the club’s dimly lit chaos, the bitterness that had separated you began to dissolve. You both knew that the road ahead wouldn’t be easy, but perhaps, you could find a way to mend the broken pieces of your past.
