Backfill Journal: 1/24/24
Yesterday on January 24th, I saw a dentist.
I finally saw a dentist for the first time in several years.
I have severe damage to my teeth and it’s my fault by proxy. I didn’t lose them in a car accident or have some sudden onset infection despite regular teeth care.
My chronic pain made far too many days unbearable. Standing for 2 minutes and dealing with the repetitive motion of brushing, the stiffness of my hand curled around a thin handle … I let my illness win by not taking care of myself. I also have had a diet mainly consisting of acidic foods and drink. Well, if you call hot sauce and vinegar “foods,” at least. I drank anywhere from 2-10 cans of coke a day. Hot sauce on almost every food I ate. Cooking with vinegar and lemon juice regularly.
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Not to mention when my teeth first started to suffer from cavities back in 2017/2018, I was smoking cigarettes; a pack a day. And I didn’t quit smoking until December 2021, so the toxic chemicals had plenty of time to chew away at my enamel and the teeth beneath it.
Prior to yesterday, I saw a dentist to get an assessment and estimate of what it would cost to repair/extract the teeth needing it. At that time I believe it was in 2022? And that dentist settled on 9 extractions. 5 of my front top teeth and 3 on the bottom. However, even insured through my employer at the time, the cost was outlandish between extractions, root canals, crowns, and fillings. So I ignored my problems instead of taking the initiative then.
As a result, yesterday this new dentist settled on a plan based on how much worse I’ve let them get since that visit back in 2022.
Extract all 14 of my top teeth. As well as about five of my bottom teeth. Get a full top denture and bottom partial.
But I will say that this dentist was incredibly personable, yet straightforward. I have a fear of dentistry after my family’s dentist tormented me while doing my fillings (which almost all fell out within six months as if they never set properly). Panicked, I had to tell this new dentist that I didn’t want the teeth cleaning because my sensitivity is too much to tolerate. Rather than insist that she do it, she said “I respect that. I know the sensitivity can be intense, especially with the cold water.” And she moved right along to do her assessment.
I explained how the teeth ended up this way, admitting that it’s down to my own behaviours rather than some outside force. She explained to me that my type of insurance typically only covers treatments once every 5 years. Of my 14 top teeth, four could stay, but I would need to swear and maintain perfect teeth care after getting partial dentures. She looked at me and asked if I thought I could actually keep up the care necessary.
Those 4 teeth would still need root canals and crowns. So I said, “Take them all out. If they already need work done, doesn’t makes sense to worry about whether they’ll hold long term.”
And I admitted I couldn’t guarantee perfect upkeep.
Then she very considerately asked me if I have bad anxiety. I said, “Oh, terribly.” And she said she recommends I get the extractions done with an oral surgeon so that I can be put under and be unconscious for the procedure. This is something I was afraid to ask for because I’ve heard the horror stories of dentists refusing to give patients more than like a baby xanax before trying to pull teeth. I would have freaked out. But I was worried that they’d tell me no if I asked to be put under.
I’m so thankful that she thought of that on her own and I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable.
It genuinely does hit hard whenever I think about the fact that I’m 31 (almost 32) and already I will have dentures. And it could have been avoided if I’d learned how to maintain a self care routine. Truthfully, the only reason it’s not more devastating to me is because there are some content creators out there in my age range who proudly show and discuss their missing teeth and dentures. Finding those people on instagram gave me peace of mind. I’m not alone. There are others as young as me needing dentures for whatever reason.
But this is progress. I’m going to call the oral surgeon they referred me to tomorrow morning and find out if they take my insurance. In the meantime I’ve been given an antibiotic because I’m confident one of my broken teeth is infected.
I’ve neglected myself for so long and I’m finally trying to take back control and seek out the help I need.
I just want to be able to work again. I need to make money somehow.