#Traniversary

On october 11th 2018 i realized i was a girl. It’s been 6 years. I’ve been 6 people since then. Here they all are.

Happy 2 years on HRT to meeeee, your favorite trains girl

I’m late I’m late I’m late for my update for my 11 month HRT traniversary.

I know I’m a piece of shit.

But hey! Check out this cool antique dresser I got from a very butch lady. She picks up heavy things and it makes me all sqwlooqvdbdbd inside.

Also garlic bread! Woohoo!!!

One. Year.

It’s hard to believe a year ago I was sitting at my endocrinologist’s office, stunned, as she said “you’re leaving today with hormones.”

I sat the whole day, looking at my estradiol & spironolactone wondering.

I wasn’t out to my family. I’d started a new job. I didn’t know we were on the precipice of a pandemic.

But I wanted this - deep down inside me was the soul of a woman. One I’d expressed as a character for 10 years, & it was time bring her front and center. Despite my fears, I took my first pills that day.

A year later my body & mind have gone through so many amazing changes. My mind is more focused, my emotions more genuine. And yes my boobs are present, my skin clearer.

But the happiness I feel is because I finally embraced who I always have been. That woman is me & she’s finally alive. Quite honestly I would not have made it through a year’s worth of change without this!

It’s why I have to shout out my support network: a huge part of why I thrived during such a shite year.

My partner @briannafrostgirl had my back & guided me. I love her so much for it 💋

Thank you to my trans sisters like @skylightsoflife @Logan.mae99 @nokie.rae @boots_that_scoot showing the way.

I’m so grateful to my bridesmaids/sisters Andrea, Draiy, @kelsiferious, @sl_maddydukes welcoming me into my feminine self.

And my biological family (psst this includes you @nancyfitz4!) - my mom, my dad and brother: you all went the extra mile accepting me - and it’s been so beneficial to my gender identity and journey.

But I’m just one trans woman though. I’ve been fortunate & lucky. It’s why today on my one year #traniversary - I encourage you to support trans advocacy groups wherever you are. Locally I’m proud to support @stlmetrotrans with donations, drag and more.

Dem admin or not, this is a scary time for the transgender community, especially for kids with all these anti trans bills. Please stand up for us. We need more than support, we need action! We need you to stand shoulder to shoulder with us.

But today I celebrate. I finally am myself. One year down, rest of my life to go.

(Look thru to the end - there’s a vid!) #transisbeautiful #girlslikeus 🏳️‍
https://www.instagram.com/p/CLrPhxgDKrF/?igshid=16fn6yx2s5ky0

Little Yellow pill, first instance of HRT, Spironolactone

I’ve been taking hrt 3 yrs today and I feel like nothing has changed…cept my friends have left and I hate myself more. I don’t regret it, all things considered. My insides feel less like they’re trying to tear my body apart. I feel slightly less inclined to get as fucked up as possible every night on sketchy mixtures of pills. But I don’t know why I’m still alive, and am starting to forget what being happy felt like. Somedays I think I’m ok, but if I step back and look at where I’m at and who I am I just start shaking w rage. I start to regret not killing myself when I had the chance, before all of this bullshit with doctors and support that isn’t rly there. Idk when I close my eyes and force myself to imagine the future I’m far from here, I hate this city so much, every corner reminds me of another failure, another lost friend, another broken promise. And I blame myself and no one else. And I just wana forget all the times I hurt ppl I loved and gave up on myself but I can’t and it’ll keep happening because I’m fucking cursed. I’m a bad person and y'all should fuck off

Oh yea, today is 1 year on HRT for me!

Technically it ended 3 hours ago by my time but still wooo! Today uh yesterday, was busy though 😳 just over 360km of driving which got me slightly sunburnt while in the car, but it was an amazing day. Many more months to come and it will only get better I hope 😁

One year. It’s been one year since I first came out to someone. It’s been an interesting year, ups and downs but I’m still here. I may not have progressed much in the transition stage but I feel like that’s soon to come! One year with being true to myself and here’s hoping to many more!!

Thanks especially go out to a special person S.K. I know you no longer follow me or the fact we aren’t friends really anymore, but with out you Id not have this day of celebration and enjoyment! ❤️❤️

Thanks
Emma

I will call today (January 25th) my ‘traniversary’ since it’s the date I decided (in 2009) to transition to live as male and somehow 'maniversary’ just sounds silly. I’m spelling it with one 'n’ instead of two to indicate that it’s derived from 'transgender’ and/or 'transition’ rather than from That Word I don’t like or have any reason to use. Does that work? IDK. ANYWAY.

To be honest, I didn’t even make the connection that it was today until a friend who’s known me since I was using female pronouns sent me a text this morning wishing me a happy one. Which was unexpected! I guess I really don’t think of my transitional dates much anymore, and I’m not sure if leaving the importance of those landmarks behind is a good thing because it means I’m just living this present life or a bad thing because I’m starting to forget how I got here.