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Berreft of life, she rests in piece. She’s joined the choir invisibule.
She’s not dead, she’s just pining. Pining for the fjords.
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Canon event is occurring (my youngest brother is watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
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Why yes, there is a Monty Python sketch about the Ides of March-
Julius Caesar on an Aldis lamp
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THE FISCAL FJORD: AN EX-PARTY SKETCH
(Scene: A minimalist, grey-walled Westminster shop. Behind the counter stands
KEIR STARMER, wearing a suit so sharp it could cut the national debt. He is polishing a small, glass plaque that says ‘STABILITY’. A DISILLUSIONED VOTER enters, wearing a hi-vis vest and carrying a folded-up 2024 Manifesto.)
VOTER: Hello, I wish to register a complaint.
STARMER:(With a frozen, forensic smile) We’re open for business! High growth, stable foundations, service of the country. What can I do for you, my friend?
VOTER: I’ll tell you what you can do for me, sunshine. I wish to complain about this political party what I voted for not eighteen months ago in this very boutique.
STARMER: Oh, yes, the Modernised Labour. Beautiful plumage, isn’t it? Very centrist. Very sensible.
VOTER: The plumage don’t enter into it. It’s stone dead.
STARMER: Nononono, no, no! It’s resting.
VOTER: Resting?
STARMER: Remarkable party, the Modernised Labour, idn'it, ay? Beautifully managed expectations! It’s just tired out after a long campaign of saying as little as possible.
VOTER: Look, matey, I know a dead party when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now. Polling shows it’s at 17%. It’s trailing the Greens. Its net approval is -57. It’s passed on!
STARMER: No, no, it’s just stunned. You probably just caught it during a difficult budget reset.
VOTER: Stunned?
STARMER: Yes! You stunned it just as it was about to u-turn on fuel duty. Modernised Labours stun easily, especially when faced with WhatsApp leaks regarding Peter Mandelson.
VOTER: Now look, I’ve had enough of this. That party is definitely deceased. When I brought it home, it tried to scrap jury trials and tax family farms, and when that didn’t work, it just sat there while your own conference members voted to acknowledge a genocide in Gaza that you’re still busy denying while you keep the arms flowing!
STARMER: (Calmly) We have a rules-based order. It’s for the courts to decide if it’s dead. Until then, it’s pining for the 1997 landslides.
VOTER: Pining for the landslides?! It’s passed on! This party is no more! It has ceased to be! It’s expired and gone to meet its maker—which, frankly, was a focus group in Milton Keynes! It’s a stiff! Bereft of vision, it rests in peace! Its working-class base has shuffled off this mortal coil! It’s complicit in atrocities it refuses to name! It’s run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! THIS IS AN EX-LABOUR PARTY!
(Silence falls over the grey shop.)
STARMER: Well, I’d better replace it then. (He reaches under the counter and pulls out a mirror) Look at this.
VOTER: What’s that?
STARMER: It’s a Liberal-Coalition-of-Chaos. It’s got a very nice digital ID card.
VOTER: Does it have a mandate?
STARMER: Not really. But it’s very, very sensible.
And here is a video of the original sketch that inspired the piece.
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required watching because. i need more people to think of this sketch when they think of ozymandias
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Thinking about when I saw Spamalot and the lady of the lake said “6-7” and a DJ frog dabbed.
Like what the hell was even that
