
Bartok Guitarsplat - Tape Three (1986)
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Amazon.com is up and down, with login errors and prices not loading
I remember the first time I tripped in the presence of my ex-wife. I wore the same colour during the first study session in the courtroom. I wore the same colour on my first date with her. This became a central theme during that period of my life.
I wore this hoodie the day I came to see you. You offered me a burrito. I’d never had one before and so I declined. I understood the joy of living near a body of water the day of the second photo.


The Night Me and Your Mama Met by Childish Gambino on Apple Music
[[MORE]]We don’t really do birthdays in my household. There’s usually a cake and some photos these days but my family was super conservative about them growing up. The first time I ever got a birthday gift from outside the family was from you. I remember going to Cass’s and looking for Hansa Medium. That same year, I received a second birthday gift, from my colleague/neighbour/token gay. It wasn’t all yellow.


I had a bit of a fling in 2024. I know I’m a piece of shit bc she was a girl my friend was crushing on throughout university. I’d let a few friends stay at my place during my divorce and I’d wake up to hear my friend on the phone in the living room.
‘Met her at the bullring, she’d be a 10 if it weren’t for the accent’ headass.
The first time I sat in her car, Yellow by Coldplay was playing. She pulled out every move in the book. Any excuse to stay out longer. Let’s go back to yours? Re-apply lipgloss. Ask for help lighting the smoke. ‘How soon is too soon to feel like you’re in love with a person?’. Look how cold my hands are.
I ran my fingers along her ankles as I helped her put her shoes on at the entrance.
All I could think about was you.


We spent Valentines weekend together that year. I’ve never been to a city so silent. I wasn’t in a place to be what you needed, in any form. I knew this. I think you did too.
I kept the photos I took of every piece of clothing you touched as we killed time waiting for our train. The image of you raising your eyebrows haunts me as I sleep every night. Giving those kids my pencil case so they could colour their books in beside us made my heart sink. Hearing you talk about the art down the hallway impacted so many decisions that year. Your face as you turned to me, holding Dorian Gray? Oh, angel.
The hills really did fucking break me.
I’ve gone back every year since.


We met up to go bird watching later that same year. We sat down on a bench at the venue with our drinks and the first song the artist there sang was Yellow by Coldplay. I felt a little guilt. I asked you if you’d heard the song before and you told me you hadn’t. The guilt eased.
I was in the worst shape of my life, mentally and physically. I was just grateful for being in your presence. We had a good time even though we didn’t find any birds from the book I grabbed last minute.
I should’ve squeezed your bruise as we laid on the grass outside the festival. I should’ve climbed the tree with you. I should have used my words when you asked me to teach you to use the monkey bars. I should’ve taken less photos.


Yellow by Coldplay on Apple Music
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have lost a lot of my light since 2019. I clung onto this particular shade of yellow for the few bright moments I was fortunate enough to experience and our friendship remained central to it all.
You told me you remember my orange drawstring bag from high school. Do you remember me as orange? I lost orange somewhere amongst the yellow. I lost Ed Sheeran and my ability to be a good friend. I lost orange somewhere amongst the yellow. I lost my ability to play and to nurture. I lost orange amongst the yellow.
I am glad I got to re-wire my connection to yellow. Thank you.

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once again working in a self inflicted side proyect that i hope finish soon, my back is hurting again
All I wanted to do is find videos of cats playing pianos! Is that too much of an ask? What’s the point of the 21st century if everything takes time to load? Speed up, gosh darn it.
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the video buffers. you stare at the spinning circle, your willpower a focused laser beam of pure intent. you look away for ONE SECOND. the moment your eyes leave the screen—it loads. instantly. you feel a profound, cosmic betrayal. you missed the sacred transition from void to content. the algorithm knew. it’s laughing from its cloud. you will never get that pristine, un-watched first millisecond back. mourn it.