Intentaste convencerme de que esto sería mejor,
pero caímos en lo mismo de siempre.
Te puse como mi prioridad frente a todo
y acumulé durante meses el dolor de algunas de tus palabras…
Sencillamente, yo no era tu prioridad.
Y el amor dicho en palabras no alcanza para mi.
Amigaas
Enviame DM en como mi blog te calienta…..cual post es tu favorita…..cual quieres practicar conmigo amiga?
Quiero tocarme esta noche y estoy desiando una latina bien chula
Es ist okay dich zu vermissen, aber es ist nicht okay, dass du mich immer noch so beeinflusst.
I saw from a GLAAD video last time that they were kind of cordial and still friendly. There’s just some observable effort to distance themselves I guess because they’ve seen the impact of the rumors maybe? But that’s just me. I haven’t really entertained the idea that might have been involved before because francois was known to still be in a relationship in early december and now I think based on what I’ve gathered is that Marc is still very much his boyfriend. I think they’re just acquaintances.
Another angle is that yeah maybe hudson and connor was just really possessive about each other because literally they were in sheer tops. You know how those two are, they probably feel sick if they are not touching each other. Again, I’m just glad hudson did not climb over connor and humped him there.
calls back the reception because they called me to confirm the appointment term as I am a new patient
forgot to say…. I am not a new patient and have been to the clinic before but changed my personal number in the meantime
Selma Gürbüz (Turkish, 1960-2021), Take Care of Each Other, 2020. Inlaying on handmade paper, 198 × 115 cm.
I just do not understand how a human can spend hours and hours loving you daily for so long and then just act like she has on a mother’s day. We truly didn’t start any of it. I wish I could feel mad but I just feel broken. She spent so long yesterday trying to subtly make it my fault and we refused to let her and this is what happened.
Similar to how we started standing up to F and it ended in a divorce.
Similar to all of it….
And the people I’d normally go to i can’t now. Because it was my ex wife. Who is apparently a handler who set me up to end up homeless and broken. And it was my best friend/sister. Who is apparently a set up to get me to die and nearly succeeded this week. And it was K, my family. Who is apparently just a handler abusive therapist. And.. and… and….
And I only saw through it all because of M. And now, what the fuck? How do I even know I should trust that? I can’t trust anything. And how did this even happen? I see her work with others. She is so good at what she does. I know other survivors who have worked with her successfully for years. It is always me who fucks everyone up even when all we try to do is be good, follow rules, be safe, be loved.
I don’t even know what to think. I remember things that felt fine before. Like when she accused me of getting my hair done, despite how I can not physically do that, or financially, and I tried to explain it hurts she doesn’t believe us (she said it could be parts we don’t know), and went on to explain how people always say shit about how we look, and can’t see past it. Her response was that its normal for people to do that, and I’m a good looking woman. She did go on to say she knows even if we are good looking, there’s more going on. And at the time it was whatever. but now even that pisses me off. That’s now a therapist response.
Same as how we begged her yesterday to stay with a somatic response that came up, because it was a breakthrough, but she just wouldn’t stop ranting. Then she complains we are just in a distraction program. When it is legitimately her who is wildly distracted. At one point we muted the call and watched her just talk for so long, inaccurately. It hurts so badly. And I can’t bring myself to open her stupid fucking messages. I can’t bring myself to rebook a stupid fucking session like it’s asking. On one hand I feel I need to because I don’t know anyone else who gets it, even in so long of looking no one has ever got it like her, and also no one else will see us for free or almost free. But I do not see this being repaired. Even if this is her attempt, as she kept saying, to be able to stay for years. Like, sure, but you fucking do that at the start. Especially if your client is pushing you to, constsntly telling you not to do too much. Making you eat and get a drink because you stay with us so long. Like you fucking do it sooner. And you don’t do it on mother’s day. And you dont do it like this. And you fucking apologise. You also dont say fuck you to a programmed part, or lose your shit and then call it mummabear love. Fuck you right back. Same message as always - I hurt you because I love you.
I hate that I can’t say any of this to her. The only relief is knowing deep down she knows she fucked up. I know she knows on some level. I know too much of her history with clients and her heart and mind to believe otherwise. She may convince herself differently for a while but I know she knows.
I just want there to be one person who is solid and on my side and isn’t either a set up, or going to hurt me this badly. I know people hurt each other. But this is too much. It’s everywhere. It’s everything. I even lost my fucking pet because of someone I thought was the love of my life. I don’t even have my little cat baby. I don’t know if I will have a home much longer and it is completely empty anyway. I don’t have anyone or anything and it is infuriating to see my system still just fucking stay alive. And protect every single one of these people.
And terrifying that the pull to return to our parents or F is already so loud, so confusing. How fucking dare M do this. She knows full well how dangerous this is to do. There are other ways. This is disgusting and cowardly and selfish.
