December always feels like a pause before the turning of the page.A month filled with quiet reflections, emotional weight, soft joys, and moments that ask us to slow down and take stock. It’s when we look back—not to judge ourselves, but to notice how far we’ve come, what we’ve survived, and what we’ve learned along the way.
Some parts of December were beautiful.Some were heavy.Some were simply…
It’s the Holiday season! Most of this month consisted of lazing around in bed and eating, trying to enjoy the free time the best one can. The first half of the month, however, brought me great challenges in both the scholastic and extracurricular activities. For practice, we had to write our first written assignment this month and a lot of biology labs to analyze. But we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here to see how I tackled my CAS activities this month.
Creativity. I had my doubts whether I wanted to stay in the Public Speaking club early in December. I felt as if it was bringing me more stress than school itself. I was always a perfectionist, so I had to perform at my best or not perform at all. Speeches are a weak spot of mine. Although I can write and deliver my ideas considerably well, speaking is like a nightmare to me. I didn’t feel like my speech was perfect, like any of my speeches were going to be. But then I realized that nobody’s there to judge me and if they are, it’s only so that I could better myself. Everyone was so relaxed there; I didn’t understand why I went to the club so reluctantly each week. I’ll be trying my best to look positively towards Public Speaking club meetings from now on. Especially after our mentor, Justas, has said he has many hopes for me. I might not be a perfect on the spot speaker and I might never become one, but I believe that I’ll at least be able to present researched facts and reasoned opinions with more confidence in the future.
Action. Just as last month, this month I was really excited to dance again, I wanted to learn lots of new moves and that’s what we did during the first week of December. All week, I practiced the dance moves for next week, anticipating the Monday to come. But then something happened… The moves, I admit, are rather hard, especially when they have to be done in a matter of seconds. On Saturday, I attempted to learn one of the harder moves again and… well, my legs are rather weak; I was born with weak ligaments meaning I am more prone to place my foot in a wrong position and… snap my ankle. And that’s what happened to me. It doesn’t happen often, just when I’m trying too hard and I’m not focused. But the point is, is that I hurt my leg and couldn’t attend classes the whole week until it finally got better. The following week, I stepped into the practice room and I was told they’re preparing for an event at the end of the week. One of the main points of CAS is undertaking challenges and I promised both myself and the teacher I could learn the dance. The problem was that all the girls knew at least one of the two dances which were combined to form one longer dance. I was the only one who didn’t know a single move, who didn’t even know what the music sounded like because they didn’t have the music on the spot. I promised myself I could do it, I practiced all the days, but then I realized that even though I got all the moves down, I wouldn’t be able to dance as fast as the other girls or worse, I could hurt my leg once again. I didn’t want to disappoint the girls and embarrass them in front of all the people, so I told them I couldn’t dance on Friday and that I would learn the dance for the next event to come. I know I did not follow what CAS asks me to do, but this wasn’t about me. It was an important night for my fellow dancers, it was their time to shine and I didn’t want to ruin it for them.
Service. I finally started my service, so I’ve only had a glimpse of what’s to come. I decided to tutor kids because it didn’t cost me extra time, since everything would be done during the break which I don’t really feel I need, and because it would help me brush up on my own skills and knowledge. For now, I only taught some kids how to balance equations and solve easy problems since that was the only thing they were currently having trouble with. I realized that I should really take my time in learning some formulas, since I can only solve problems if the formulas are right there in front of my eyes, even the simplest ones. I’m considering also going to a foster home; I’m not very fond of children. I can stand them, unlike other teens my age, but I just choose not to be near them, however, I want to change that. It’s still merely an idea, something I need to consider, so I guess we will see what happens in the future.
I have also started working on my CAS project with my partner, Augustė. We are planning to start making videos on topics we learn in school. They will either be HL videos for IB students or complex topics explained in such a way that even kindergardeners could understand. We‘re still trying to work out all the kinks, but hopefully, we‘ll be able to start filming once the second semester starts.
I also really want to write a book as I have a huge obsession for writing. I write nearly a thousand words every day, so I was hoping to put those words to a good use rather than just for my own pleasure. This is as well only a tiny idea sprouting in the depths of my mind, but who knows, maybe one day I will make my debut as a writer?
My only resolution of 2015 is to become a person that I would not be ashamed of, someone I‘d be proud to be. I hope that my CAS activities will help me become a wonderful, brave and strong woman I strive to be.
Good luck to me and everyone else undertaking the challenges of CAS!
December was an interesting month for me. It was the end of my first semester of college, I went through my first week of college finals, I had my first jury. It was interesting. But more than that I look back at last December and realize that I hadn’t even heard of the college that I am now going to. I only had eyes and ears for my first choice. For better or worse I wasn’t accepted into that school and had to search for another school with a commercial music program. Because I knew when I auditioned at that school that I had to do music. I couldn’t kid myself and settle for anything else.
Fast forward and now I’ve finished my first semester as a music student. Which is pretty amazing now that I think about my struggle of deciding whether I really even wanted to go to college (I didn’t and I don’t, but I know it’s what’s best because I don’t know enough yet to pursue music on my own).
Even more I’ve really excelled in the music program. I did well in my performance class. I passed my juries - and they seemed to like what I did for them. I tested out of my theory final and I feel like I’ve learned a lot in piano. My voice teacher recognized the weaknesses in my voice that I have been trying to over come my whole life and I got all A’s and one B+, which I am totally fine with since it was in my hardest class- Sight Singing and Ear Training.
I also auditioned for my first college musical, because even though I was scared out of my mind, I couldn’t imagine a spring without being in a musical- AND I GOT IN. Even better I was so amazed and proud of how my monologue went in my audition. I just went for it, and I feel like I did a really great job- which is such a milestone because I always feel like acting is my weakness between acting and singing. It was a bold monologue that I chose and I’m so glad I went for because if I hadn’t I don’t know if I would have gotten the part. I always second guessed myself because I was always given comedic roles and monologues to read, when all I’ve wanted to do is a dramatic or darker role- and I did it! Both with my monologue and with the part I went after.
If you’re new to my blog or didn’t see my other post I got cast as Natalie in Next to Normal for this March/April and I couldn’t be more excited.
I’ve also come to terms (sorta) or at least acknowledged my place in my friendships. I’m the planner. I’m the one who always does the organizing or inviting to hang out. I know friendship is a two way street, but how can I expect people to just know that I want to hang out or that it even hurts to not be asked to hang out if they’ve never asked me to hang out before? Because that’s never been “their job” it’s always been mine. I reach out to people that’s what I do, but I can’t expect people to know that I reach out, because when people reach out to me it means so so much. I have to either tell people and vocalize that, or just accept that I’m the planner.
I realized that while both at college and now being back in my home town. The only person who routinely checks up on me is my best friend and that means so much to me that she shows she is interested in my life, because I try so hard to be there for support or a listening ear to all of my friends, but she does that same for me. So thank you Camille if you’re reading this. You’re amazing and awesome and I love you for always being there for me :)
This has been long and ramble-y but I do feel like I’ve discovered a lot about myself this month. I’ve also done a lot of reflecting towards the end of the month before writing this. I learned that I can do more than I thought I could. And that I can’t just expect all my friends to come to me, when maybe they are just waiting for me to come to them.
peace out december